[marty]

My grandma (technically step-grandma) was married to a guy that suggested one day that they move to mexico and live polygamy. She said “Hmmmm… that’s interesting”, and then packed his bags and kicked him out.

…and then turned around and married a widowed guy (my grandpa) and became his second wife.

It never occurred to me how utterly strange that was – now that she’s getting older, she’s probably starting to think about it, now that he’s supposedly been with his first wife for the last 10 years.

[marty]

Meh Mormon wrote:

I all honesty DJ, I would have started to check Facebook or something else on my phone and tuned out. That being said, it would probably be a miracle in and of itself if I actually went. Sorry you had to deal with that.

+100 for this one. I used to feel so guilty for not listening, but now I realize that choosing to not listen (or not attend) makes my experience at Church infinitely more enjoyable. I’ve enjoyed Church more as a nonbeliever than I ever did as a believer.

[marty]

Where two or more are gathered together in my name … there is sure to be in-group and out-group dynamics.

It’s just a part of the human condition. It’s hard to avoid it even when you know it’s there. But, yeah, we as Mormons do have a very strong persecution complex, and we’re trained from a young age to be very distrustful of outsiders.

I think little comments in Church here and there are good to rattle people just a little bit, but I’ve found more peace in just accepting that there’s nothing I can do to change it

[marty]

Kipper –

You sound like you may be struggling with depression. Your bishop, bless his heart, is going to give you the textbook Mormon answer, but there comes a time for many of us where those answers don’t solve the problem. In fact, they ARE the problem.

One of the hardest things for me as I’ve worked through my faith issues is to not feel so much pressure and guilt. One day I started praying, and then I kinda started getting a little hostile towards God. After all, he KNOWS ALL THIS STUFF! He planned it all, RIGHT? So, I started taking him to task a bit. And, strange thing… it felt really good! So, I got my journal out and started the process of laying all my issues at God’s feet. Now, I try to write a letter to God every week – and these aren’t the unquestioning, submissive types of letters. They’re more of a wrestle with God. It wasn’t until after I had this experience that I was reading somewhere that mentioned that the word Israel means literally “struggle with God”.

Don’t beat yourself up – eternity is long and it’s okay to have stretches where you’re not feeling it. If praying isn’t working, then stop – and try again later.

Best of luck. Sorry, I should’ve read your entire story but I was too lazy. Hopefully something I said helps a little…

[marty]

Joni –

So incredibly sorry. My marriage has some very similar challenges, and it hits really close to home to hear your story. I don’t think I can imagine the feelings you’re feeling right now – they are my absolute worst nightmare.

After miserable results from sneaking and hiding in my marriage for the last year– I’ve hidden everything from my true feelings about the Church, coffee, Reddit, etc… and it’s been a complete disaster. I finally realized that if my marriage was ever going to succeed, it would be because my wife could trust me – not necessarily trust that I would live in a way that she approved of, but that she could trust that what she saw was what she was getting. I got a lot of advice to “play it slow” with her, and I feel like it’s not worked out very well. But then again, I don’t know what would have happened if I’d dumped it all on her the first day.

Be yourself, be honest and loving, be compromising (willing to let go of things or the need to be right), but at the same time be yourself.

Best of luck!

[marty]

Thanks everyone. I loved this comment:

Quote:

I’m the one who changed, not her, so I shoulder a responsibility for patience and compromise

[Author]

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