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I talk to my ex bishop dad last night about this and brought up some good points. 1. The handbook is a guideline on a case by case experience and should be up to Bishop/SP. Yes, will be mistakes be made (authority roulette) but for the most part people will be good.
2. In the handbook disavowing means you don’t disavow your relationship with the parent, it means just disagree with the act of homosexuality that parent is doing. Disavow was probably not the best word to use and people got a little too hung up on it.
3. He also thinks this is for protecting the child’s relationship but I think most of us think that is BS. At least this is the intention but the fruits will be nothing but that.
My dad is a big apologist as you can tell. He still thinks this policy isn’t the best still.
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DarkJedi wrote:It actually sounds like the church is more important to her than the gospel – so many church members confuse the two.
Could you elaborate on this? I know what you mean but I think it help me emotionally to deal with the endless sea of women who put temple before their relationships.
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I think for me it’s a very emotional thing. I feel a sense that finally everything is going to be ok for the long term. I feel empathy and more forgiving towards everybody on all sides (but still have an opinion). I feel like religion is not EVERYTHING in my life. It’s just one small aspect of it. Even if religion isn’t literally true to me, it’s still important to have some spiritual view on life. It’s more about how helpful is than the truth. We will see how long it lasts. Either way, it’s MUCH better and healthier where I’m at than what I use to be.
amateurparent wrote:Most of my issues are not so much my personal FC at this point as much as trying to fit my current beliefs/non-beliefs into the family and social dynamic that I already have in place.
This is purely for the faith crisis part and reconciling your personal view point on faith. It’s not a fix all.
LookingHard wrote:And don’t get me wrong. I am not trying to tell McZee “you THINK you are in stage 5” as I don’t know.
I’ve been letting this sit for a month and I feel like I’m mostly at stage five. I notice there is a HUGE contrast of emotions of the many years I’ve been struggling with this. Sure, it’s possible I’ll go back but for now I’m enjoying the much needed break after a decade of struggles.
I want to make this clear. I don’t think my advice isfor everybody. This is what helped
me. If this fits with you run with it, if it doesn’t, that’s cool too. For a non orthodox/literal believer (but faithful) who wants to stay in church, this makes things a little bit tougher to stay. Eck. I’m still processing this. I can see both sides but emotionally its so hard to process. I have no intentions in leading any LDS woman astray. Honesty is #1 thing I’m looking for in a woman, so it would make since that I didn’t hide it at all. What I was more shock about was how all my facebook friends/family responded: “What an awesome idea!”
Then I said, the website was made a couple weeks ago by the son.
“Smart kid!”
WHAT?!?! My head hurts….
I’m glad they took it down. Noble intentions, probably. They’re just not very aware of horrible value system they are living in.
Oh man. Priesthood session is a riot without being super negative. Uchtdorf is hip with those kids these day when he puts “Flamed” in his talk. Joni wrote:Listening to PH now.
I think it’s fair to question or even criticize Joseph Smith for marrying 14 year olds behind his wife’s back. That’s not just wrong by 2015 standards, that was also wrong by 1830s standards.
That was beginning of the end for Joesph. It pretty much led up to Nauvoo Expositor and then his death. I think Joesph Smith did a lot of great things, but we can’t just ignore the wrongs he was doing.
Eck. The more advice I read the more I wish I didn’t come out. I should of consulted with this board first. I’m totally regretting this right now. Again, waffling again with my belief system again. I hate how stressful this is.
I think it’s fixable. If I go back to my branch president and clarify my beliefs a bit more (historically can’t believe any of it but I do find a lot of spiritual truths in it). Again, I waffle day to day. One day I believe, the next day I don’t. I think part of is that I’m freaking out over this transition.
Just a story so I can sympathize with the feeling of becoming a missionary’s “project”. I miss two Sunday’s in a row. One because I wasn’t feeling it and the other because I was out of town. Two new Elders stop by my house when I was away and invited me to the 4th of July BBQ (my sister in law was home). I thought that was strange because I was WELL aware of the BBQ being on the activities committee.
Then I get a voice message from them asking when they can meet me. (Notice they don’t ask if but when. F THAT). I realize then they must of been confused about me missing church for two weeks and thought I was inactive. I text them back telling them I’m not interested in meeting up. I get a text asking me if I’m interested in the church and why I’m not interested. I blew a fuse and told them to back off and I’ve been an active member all of my life. Then they apologize.
You think it was over. NOPE. I have a YSA girl go up to me and confront me why I didn’t go see the missionaries. My jaw drop. The missionaries were spreading gossip to people in the ward how I REFUSE to meet with them. I just walk off because I was about to explode.
I texted the missionaries to stop gossiping about me and to BACK OFF. Then I get a text saying that the girl CONFRONTED them about me. Without realizing it they were being COMPLETELY dishonest in why they were talking to me. I realize then I was someone’s project. They were trying to fix me WITHOUT asking me why I missed church for TWO weeks. ARRRGGGHHH.
I’ve had another experience like this 5 years ago when my Elder’s quorum president came to my house unannounced and demanded me to take DISCUSSIONS with the missionaries because I only stayed for sacrament meeting. I LOST IT and kick them out of my house. At the time I left because of social anxiety issues NOT because of the lack of me understanding the church.
Mormons have the tendency to never ask what you need. They already have it figured out and you become their project.
amateurparent wrote:
I’ve been back to SLC a couple time since .. And I have avoided Temple Square. I’m afraid of the missionaries. Too much zeal.
DON’T GET ME STARTED ON THAT. I’m to the point that I’ll never go to temple square again because I feel like I’m just an extension to sister’s referral list.
Thanks again everybody. I feel much better day but still really bummed about the experience. Some quick comments on what a lot of you said:1. For the future, I will be VERY careful what I say to a priesthood authority. I think for the most part my branch president said what needed to be said but I don’t think timing was perfect for me. I just got over a huge emotional/spiritual hump and I wasn’t ready for this one. I wasn’t ready for any bold claims like I thought I was.
2. I honestly think somebody (like myself) can still practice faith and not be believing AND be a good standing member. I was willing to do a lot of LDS things (temple recommend questions?I have no problem with any of those!) Not all of us are equip to have a testimony but a lot of us can practice being Mormon (if it’s healthy). If there is a loving god in heaven, I can’t see how he can punish for his child with a disbelief but also have a practicing faith and obedience.
3. Before I go on my next step I’m going to report here. I should of did that before the branch president. I might of save myself a lot of grief and heartache.
4. I need to continue to have a life. This isn’t everything. Continue with work, hobbies, health, relationships, dating (with lds and non lds), etc. I can’t let this limit myself.
As for the future
I’m considering the following options(I need to let things sit before I do any of these): 1. Appeal to the stake president (or my branch president again). Tell him my perspective how I can disbelief but have faith in the same time.
2. Leave the church entirely for a couple of months. Feel everything out and see if feel better or see how the other side isn’t at all that bad. The church has cause so much grief that maybe it might be more healthy to leave. Just not be Mormon for awhile. (but still have some standards)
3. Request to leave YSA (I’m already over age by 8 months) and try again with a new bishop.
4. Continue my disbelief and never temple recommend status (I don’t know how I can handle that).
Again, I probably won’t do any of these for a couple of months. Right now I’m still reeling from the shock. I should’t make any decisions at this state.
Ha ha! Thanks! That thought alone has really shifted my paradigm. When I first came here I was in “freak out” mode. Then that thought came across my head and it really put everything on it’s head for the better. Ya, sure I’m back to freaking out now, but that’s ok. I’m human. I need to let myself feel sad and be ok with it. We are all emotional roller coasters.
Diversifying your identity is VERY important. Like last night I decided to go to the gym and focus on getting back to weight lifting again. Even if I’m still freaking out It helped calm me a lot. (life is about weight lifting guys!!!)
Thanks guys. You’re all amazing. I think the one of my problems is that I decided to take a strong stance instead of my normal waffling status. I should of just said “i don’t know if the church is true” vs “the church isn’t true”. I think the former is more true than the latter…. but for some reason I figure I would take the strong stance.
Maybe I’m just freaking out since I took it so hard.
I’ve even said “I don’t know” to him before and he still push me to go to the temple.
At any rate I just need to chill a little. I’m just going to let things sit for a little bit. Let things settle emotionally before I take my next step.
One of things I tell myself is that life is more than my faith crisis and being Mormon. Life is my career, my relationships, my family, my friends, my hobbies, my goals, my heath and million other things. I’m more than this small event in my life.
