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Hi everyone, West, University, I read your threads while my account was being approved. I empathize very much with both of you. Everyone else, a lot of great advice- the whole spectrum!
As of right now, I think my spiritual experiences and somehow the faith I’ve developed over the years is keeping me in- although removed for the time being.
There have been a lot of great replies- today I’ve taken a step back and am trying to not be so consumed by this. I’m going on a trip tomorrow and am going to be avoiding everything for the time being and enjoying some of the beauty the world has.
See you on Monday or Tuesday!
I appreciate the replies so far. One of the other things I have a hard time reconciling is last December I was in a bad accident that left me disabled in a way. I went to the lowest of the lows and the best I’ve felt spiritually- I don’t know if it was because I was living right or the intense amount of hope I had. Receiving multiple blessings promising a full recovery (which isn’t even close to where I am) has also caused me to doubt. The advice on taking this slow is incredibly difficult for me. I feel this insatiable need to get to the bottom of the wormhole. I have to know everything. My desktop at home has 15 tabs open and my laptop has a separate window now to keeping my research going. I feel like it is consuming me.
http://www.uphereinmytree.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/02/Mugatu_Crazy_Pills.gif I’m actually on a break with the girl because she needs the sex but I’m just not ready. She doesn’t want to influence my decision making in terms of the faith crisis or transition because she was there and understands the process. Part of this whole thing is questioning wrong and right- polyandry again, makes me wonder. How was that whole situation ok with God if that’s why David was cast out?
Like other people it’s hard because I knew about some of this, but not to the extent I do now. Why was it hidden from me? Why was everything in the essays considered anti mormon material when it’s just based on history?
I like the church. I am who I am because of the church and I love who I am and the impact and influence I have on other people. I believe in God and Jesus Christ. I’ve started to think we have built God into this Santa Claus of sorts and that we have this rat race to complete the things we need to do to be on a nice list. How is that fair when other people in other religions and faiths have spiritual experiences and sacred texts, and in many cases share testimony just like I used to?
Sorry for rambling and dumping- I just feel like I’m under an avalanche of my thoughts. Most of my friends or people I’ve reached out to are either ex mormon now, or are very TBM and don’t consider the possibility of a middle ground.
