[Minyan Man]

One more idea. I don’t know what it is about the culture of the LDS church but we don’t like to admit that we have weaknesses, doubts, etc.

As a result, we don’t necessarily have alot of close relationships within the church. I don’t know if this is the rule or my own experience.

Whenever we ask someone at church, “How are you?” What’s the usual answer? “Fine”.

A good friend will listen to us without passing judgement. They will give advise after they have considered it very carefully.

I would guess that I have about 2 or 3 good friends in the church that fit this definition. Excluding family members.

It requires us to be a good friend in return.

Try to find someone that you can talk with.

Someone that you can trust completely without betrying your confidence.

(I wish this site had a “Spell check”.

Mike from Milton.

[Minyan Man]

Charlie, thank you for your posting. I don’t know anyone that didn’t have a curiosity about pornography, sex, etc. Regardless if they were an active church member or not. We have to understand that this life is designed by God. His purpose for our sexual drives & curiosity isn’t always clear.

I agree that you may want to seek some professional help. Make sure you get a good Therapist or Doctor. I also have friends that are Alcoholics. They rely on support groups such as Alcoholics Anonymous. They also use a “Sponsor” that they meet with to discuss their progress & get advise on a one to one basis. There probably is similar support groups for your situation. (Or maybe it doesn’t apply.) The main thing we have to understand is: we’re not alone in our struggles. Even if it seems we are.

I can especially relate to:

Quote:

A couple years ago, I once again tried to start being faithful in church attendance, etc. Maybe it was me, but I felt like such an outsider. I didn’t fit in, I was uncomfortable all the time.

This is the stage I’m at right now. Keep us posted about your progress. This seems like a great forum to express ourselves, encourage ourselves (& others) plus, stay anonymous.

Your friend,

Mike from Milton

[Minyan Man]

Welcome, ihilani

I’m rather new to this too.

I can relate to what you said:

Quote:

I believe in God. I believe He knows and loves me and is aware of me and I want so badly want to live unaffected (and unbound) by the cultural demands of being LDS and simply enjoy a personal relationship with God.

I don’t always believe what is said in church. Many times it feels like I’m wasting my time.

Also, there are times I’m inspired by people I meet in a random situation. It can be at a dog park or a community event, etc.

As time goes by, I may try to understand their life & what it means to be a Muslim, Catholic, Jew or Athiest. (I’m not thinking about “how do I introduce the gospel?) Maybe God is trying to reveal himself to me through their lives too.

I’m rambling. Time to say good night.

Life is very interesting, if I’m open to it.

Mike from Milton

[Minyan Man]

Roy, I’m new to this process. Try to bear with me.

It is interesting to follow your progress from your Introduction to the latest posting.

Your most recent posting is very insightful & encouraging.

It’s as good as any Sacrament or Conference talk.

Maybe better, because it has the potential to be a positive impact others that

are going through a similar situation. (I hope to get similar insights in my life.)

I know that this process doesn’t come easily. Maybe it’s not suppose to.

Now if you come across anyone with a similar experience (within the Church or outside), you can say, “I know from experience what you are going through”. And, “This is how I’m dealing with it”. (I would share the good, the bad & the ugly.) You can help them avoid

the bad & the ugly.

Thank you. Your experience, strength & hope are helping me too.

Mike from Milton

[Minyan Man]

Everything I’ve read is very good.

The only thing I would add is: (some of these ideas sound really cliche.)

A. To really understand what a person has gone through, you have to meet with them face to face.

You have to really listen to them. You have to invest time. You do not build trust in a 10 minute interview.

I have had many good home teachers over the years. The current one is a college professor & is very patient.

I know I can call him anytime or send an email looking for advice. (When I saw this web site, I asked his opinion.)

I don’t expect him to know precisely what I’ve experienced but I do expect some empathy.

My Bishop has been very helpful but he can’t invest the time. He will from time to time suggest something to read.

His most recent suggestion was:

Quote:

Rough Stone Rolling

The book was outstanding.

B. Whatever a person says, they have to feel that it is in complete confidence. I met with a former Bishop trying to explain

where I’ve been & what I’ve gone through. He started to gossip about other members that we both knew. All I could think

about was: “What are you going to say about me when I leave your office?”

C. Lay ministries, like ours, has it’s advantages & disadvantages.

One disadvantage maybe that church leadership doesn’t have some of the training that professional clergy has.

For example: marital counseling, drup counseling, grief counseling, etc. (There could be specialist used by the church that I’m

not familiar with.)

D. You may want to bring together a group of members that have either been inactive or are currently inactive & listen to them.

I would welcome an opportunity. Others may not.

For what it’s worth.

Mike from Milton.

[Minyan Man]

Roy, thank you for your story. I read it for the first time today. Our thoughts or reactions are very similar.

I especially recognize the following:

Quote:

Good husband/father protects family, but I cannot protect my family

Righteousness = God’s favor = Blessings

The righteous will enjoy God’s favor as manifested by his blessings. I failed to secure divine protection for my family.

Am I not righteous enough? Was I missing something? Does God not favor me? Does God Favor the righteous? Does God favor faithful members of the church? Are greater tangible blessings an indicator of greater divine favor? Does God bless those he favors? Does God withhold blessings from those he does not favor?

After my experience with my daughter, I felt so guilty that I wasn’t available to protect my daughter.

Over the years, as I’ve tried to come to terms with my experiences, I would run through my mind the lessons the Missionaries taught before my baptism regarding the pre-existence. I’m convinced that we were very eager to come to earth & experience this life. I believe that we were told that there were going to be problems & challenges to endure. We probably didn’t know the specifics because we didn’t have a point of reference. Never the less, we were very eager to come. I have no scriptural reference only a “gut” feel. Why would I have this particular thought over the years?

I am convinced that we will have all the answers in the next life. Whatever that brings. (Another “gut” feel.)

This has been a good week.

I think I’ll go the church Sunday with a different attitude.

Thank you.

Mike from Milton

[Minyan Man]

Brian Johnston wrote:

Hi Mike, welcome to the StayLDS community.

I get the reasons that caused you to put some emotional distance between the Church and you. You have some valid reasons, and I have also known times when I felt that emptiness and the feeling of being alone in the universe. I’m especially sorry to hear about what happened to your daughter. That is tough

So what do you feel is drawing you to go back to Church — for a “one last chance” look? It didn’t seem like you described that part of your experience enough for me to get a good feel for what is tugging at you.

Reply:

This is the question that haunts me. The only thing I can come up with is: I miss it.

When we were active, everything fit together like a big puzzle. Everything made sense.

I had no problem with the doctrine. No one offended me in any way.

It is my relationship with God that I have a hard time understanding.

Iam like a spoilded child that when things don’t go the way I think they should, I throw a tantrom, stomp my feet & hold my breath until I turn blue.

I expect that when I have a problem God should come to me personally with my own personal vision & revelation.

Just like the person in the Fast meeting who loses their car keys & God tells them where to find them.

I know that’s not realistic. Everything is realistic to a spoiled child.

Mike from Milton

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