[Mordimor]

Minyan Man wrote:

Has anyone on this board ever been asked about your FC by family, friends or members?

Have they tried to be supportive?

Have they tried to understand what happened?

My FC started right after the birth of my third child and co-existed with postpartum depression/anxiety. My SIL asked if we wanted to do a group temple date, I was honest about the fact that it wouldn’t work for me and that I was struggling. She was really awesome about it. I don’t think that my FC ever made it to my FIL because it would become a topic of discussion at that point. I have some friends in our ward that get that we (husband and I) are struggling with the orthodox requirements of church. They’ve been great. Then again two of them are trained as professional therapists. Maybe I just got lucky. But let’s be honest here, they also don’t know or understand all of my concerns or “stuck points” with the church.

It would be my hope that we can be accommodating and loving to those that are orthodox in their approach. That they too can feel the love and benefits from belonging.

[Mordimor]

I found the article in the August 2019 New Era magazine. However, I am a little annoyed at how it was written or the lack of an author. The “important messages” in New Era or the Ensign normally have an author listed, so is this just an opinion editorial? Or if this is coming straight from the first presidency why doesn’t it state that? My problem really comes down to watching my MIL who had been consuming these small bars that had green tea extract in them, they made her feel good and gave her a “boost” to really get her mornings going. She has given them up, sadly according to her, because of this article.

But did the person who approved and wrote this article did they have the authority to do so? Do they hold the keys for this? Or does the first presidency authorize articles like this that could be based in opinion.

I am very much like the starter of this thread, no TR, doesn’t adhere to wow, and holds a calling. So there’s no judgement from me if you do or don’t partake. You do you.

[Mordimor]

Roy,

I totally hear exactly what you are saying. Their character does matter. I haven’t said anything to anyone about this besides my husband, bishop, and rs president. It becomes hard to bite my tongue when every Sunday in which we attend they are personally handing (gifting) my children ages 4 to 10, small tokens. Candy, snacks, toys… it’s absurd.

My solution is to not go. I worry about my children the entire time they are in primary. I understand that I sound crazy and paranoid, that’s okay. I am okay with that.

I’m not running up and down the halls saying they’ve done anything. It’d be defamatory, they could use for defamation of character. But telling them to stop gifting crap to my kids totally fair game. Telling them that their interest in my kids makes me uncomfortable, yes. Those are completely acceptable and not defamations to their character.

[Mordimor]

Thank you all for responding. As far as your suggestions

1. Yes I checked the sex offender registry.

2. I have been thinking about skipping second hour. This will probably be a real thing here soon.

3. I have already set boundaries with my kids. We have very frank and open conversations about bodies and appropriate touch. This started long ago. We also have set new boundaries about gifts, even food for primary.

4. I have talked with my bishop. I hate going in for anything. It’s not something that I’m really comfortable with, so I reached out to someone I was comfortable with.

5. I was asked specifically not to broach the subject with them from my bishop. (Which I am not super keen on that advice)

6. My kids are not allowed to wander the halls alone.

I get not wanting to offend but in the end, if I do offend and it keeps my kids safe, then I’ll gladly do it a million times.

Thank you all for responding.

[Mordimor]

My husband and I got called in for a TR interview and we had been putting it off for a while. Like 6+ months. We knew that it could be bad but we didn’t want to lie. We had a frank conversation with our bishop, told him we had contemplated leaving the church, that we didn’t feel comfortable having or even thinking of going to the temple at this time, that we were moving slowly and cautiously because we have children living at home invested in the church. We were really open ended with it. We had a pleasant conversation. But, BUT with a different type of bishop it could be really hard/terrible.

I knew our bishop well enough before this to know that 1. He is so kind. 2. His goal is for the ward to feel the love of HF and JC. 3. He does care about us but is understanding to everyone being in their own place. It also helps that I am friends with his wife and mutual friends.

When or if we have another discussion with a different bishop it could be hard and it could cause us to leave. We will get there when/if it happens. Proceed with caution.

[Mordimor]

We have done something like this for during our faith crisis when we looked at walking away. I didn’t want to loose all of the “good parts” that I see in the church. Our children are younger 10,8, and 5. This however started about three years ago and I needed to make it super simple because of age. All the needs we wanted to address could be broken down into three things:

– kindness – good natured, generous, indulgent, considerate, helpful, doing what’s right

– obiedence – willingness to comply or follow instructions

– respectful – a feeling of admiration or deference.

We had been going through what I thought was a difficult time with our eldest (normal kid behavior really) but it has worked well for the last few years. It also is awesome because I can ask all three children what exactly I expect. I also have made it clear that I do believe where these three things will get “lost” in some particular situations but that I want them to be contributing members of society and learn to work. It’s been years and we are still active, non TR holders, that try to help our kids and others. We have room for improvement as done all people.

[Mordimor]

Thank you for this thread on the forum. I have been burnt out for the better part of a year. I broke and asked to be released. I have since been asked to accept a new calling, which I did. Kind of regretting it now though and I haven’t even been officially called over the pulpit yet. I have decided to give it a shot and see how it goes.

Our family has always been the “ask and we are there” type family. I just am trying to walk a very fragile balance between staying and going.

Please do set boundaries, I wish I had set more. Do figure out what works for you. I don’t do multiple service opportunities anymore because it doesn’t work for me. I am also taking a back seat in everything and trying to find balance and joy in my life. These commenters seem to have great insight. If these service opportunities are making you depressed or filled with anxiety (in a bad way) then it’s time for them to go. Honestly, we’ve been finding other ways to serve in our community, like river clean up projects.

[Mordimor]

I completely understand. Find a specialty soda/drink that complies with what you’re looking for. My husband really likes a pineapple “cider” non-alcoholic called Tepachito sold at world market, non alcoholic ginger beer, or a really good root beer. Personally I love a good sparking water with fruit and fresh mint. There are tons of compliant options, be creative and have some fun. Lemonade is always a good bet too!

Albertsons, world markets, Mexican markets, Asian markets and online can be great places to find specialty sodas and drinks. Many brew houses/tap houses that make their own beer sometimes carry a “house” root beer that can be seriously good.

Word of caution though: read labels carefully. There are many types of alcoholic soda available now.

Hope that helps!

[Mordimor]

Thank you for your sincere reply.

Last Sunday I met with a member of the bishopric and told them I needed to be released. I tried to be on the kind side of what I was feeling and made it clear that me continuing with the nursery was not an option.

I have a lot of other junk to figure out but I feel some relief towards my spirituality and my testimony.

To the previous suggestions:

– no calling anymore

– medication for the depression : I normally manage it with exercise and diet. Exercise is a huge thing for me and in most circumstances makes it manageable.

– I have a few weeks that I already know I won’t be in the area and can take a break from my ward.

– we have invited multiple families over for dinner and only have had one take us up on it, sadly. We’ve also invite a ton of people over to play board games, still only one family has taken us up on it.

SilentDawning – It’s comforting and saddening to know that others feel my pain as well. I wish it wasn’t an issue.

[Mordimor]

Have you tried Crio Brü? It’s made with a French press and is like hot chocolate but no sweetener. Bitter like coffee. I love it, but I never had a taste for coffee. I do drink a ton of herbal teas and still miss black/green/oolong teas terribly.

[Mordimor]

FaithfulSkeptic wrote:

Have you checked the providers in the Mormon Mental Health Association? You may or may not want to have a Mormon therapist, but these therapists all understand and specialize in LDS issues, including faith transitions.

Not every therapist within that organization is LDS, FYI. Their membership requirements from my understanding is just a check paying for membership dues. Good luck. I wish I could help.

[Mordimor]

I am so thankful to read your post!! I’m not military but I have a ton of friends either currently serving or have served. Well versed in the lifestyle, I lived 10 minutes from fort Lewis growing up… Lots of friends that moved away.

I have lived in my current ward for two years. I have no friends. Inside or outside of the church currently. I’ve had a hard time making friends in this ward and in my current circumstances. I too have signed up to serve and be friendly, with no “week-day” friendships being built.

I have been thinking of choosing my family and finding new friends outside of the church, maybe even stepping away until I can let go of my resentment.

I don’t have much to add sadly but I wish you get all the peace that you need. I look forward to your future posts.

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