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amateurparent wrote:
I had to learn boundaries. Growing up, I was told that if someone from church asked me to do something, I had an obligation to do it. I was to treat the request as if God himself had asked.
Some requests are inspired. Many are just desperately busy people hoping to delegate something
Healthy boundaries are just that — HEALTHY.
((( hugs ))?
I also have had lots of trouble with the boundaries in the church. I was always taught you always say yes no matter what.
Over the last few years I have learned to set limits with people in my family. It has drastically changed my life for the better and improved most of my relationships.
Now I have to figure out how to do it at church. It is really hard to get over the ingrained guilt when I say no. I am hopeful that if I can be better at the boundaries at church it will make things better there too. It does seem to be taking a while, but I really don’t want to walk away from the church any more than I wanted to completely detach from my family members. Right now a little space between me and all the little petty things and people that will always have to be dealt with in the ward is a good thing. I have not become inactive, but I am not actively working either. When I get better at moving past the guilt and worry that I am doing something wrong (even though God doesn’t think so) I will try to re-engage.
It could just be that he was good at addressing the topic and a lot of people in the congregation know he is a great guy. I just thought it strange that he identified his calling and said he was there on assignment from the SP at the start of his talk. Joni – eek maybe just a fluke
:shifty: Unknown wrote:One of the things the Elders kept saying, as I did and all do, is that the gospel brings us so many blessings. In the last year I’ve become really turned off by the idea of “doing it for the blessings”. I think as a general principle, yes, you have to live with the natural consequences of your actions. Sometimes, the consequence is material success, other times it is a peaceful feeling. But I don’t like the idea of doing something that God asks in order to get a blessing of any kind. It’s extrinsic. I think if I’m going to do anything that would please God, it would be because I love Him. I am faithful to my wife because I love her, not because she will leave me if I’m not.
I so agree with you!! The idea of doing something to get blessings has always bothered me. I usually do things because I love God and Christ or the person I am doing it for. I hear the obedience/service = blessings all the time. I also see a lot of people sitting around waiting for their “earned” blessings. Other people love to hold their success in life up as evidence that they are more righteous and therefore more blessed. This makes me so frustrated. I am obedient to God because I love him and he blesses me because he loves me NOT because of something I have done. This is just my opinion. Sometimes I have to dump all the junk and focus on JC like reading the New Testament.
Thank you for the welcome and the support. I just talked to my bishop and asked to be released from my calling. He is new, only a few months in the calling. It went very very differently than I expected. The first time I talked to a different bishop about being released I was called to repentance and told I was not honoring my covenants. My DH later said a few words to him and I was released a few months later. I then got several different callings right after that. About a year later I asked to be released from two of them. I was ignored for months even though I did remind them. I stopped doing them and again my DH spoke to them, and they released me. This time the new bishop was concerned that I was ok, and very surprised as he thought I was one of the golden families.
😯 He said I was released right then. I said I was worried about the reaction of some of the ward members who gave me so much trouble last time I was released from a calling and not called to a new one. He has not released me in sacrament meeting.He kept asking if I had any problems with doctrine. I said there were a few things that I was struggling with, but I did not tell him what. I think that was great advice that came from several of you on this board and I am glad that I stuck with it. I really did not want to argue. He seemed confused about why I thought it would help me stay active if I was not involved. I did not really say very much. I really just need time to find a way to serve in the church because I want to again. I have been doing what they want because of guilt or because it is easier to do it than listen to people nag you. I am tired of being used for other people’s purposes when I do not agree with what they are doing. I need to be able to get over some of the hurt and anger. I am really not sure how to do it. I was so very glad that the current bishop was nice about it.
DancingCarrot wrote:she told me the more she is her true self the more people are drawn to her (per usual for INFJs) and can unlock themselves as a result. Basically her being her “gives” others permission to find and be who they are.
Though I am not INFJ I love the idea of giving others permission to be who they really are by confidently showing who you are.
