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I’m not sure I can articulate all of what I think goes into this. I agree that putting on the right “mask” in most church contexts is one skill that helps. I think another skill is something that I see Chris Kimball say a lot — figuring out how to be in a “peer-peer” relationship with the church and leaders rather than a “parent-child” relationship. Another set of skills is the “cafeteria Mormon” skill set where you figure out how to pick and choose what is important for your journey and discard the “checkboxes” that don’t serve you. And, I’m sure there are more skills that we could enumerate, if we felt so inclined.
If you don’t check the boxes then the church organization will strongly encourage you to work harder to check boxes, and this can feel othering to those that do not naturally fit in.
I sometimes feel like one of the key skills to develop in order to stay in the church is to learn how to not feel othered when the church says that you don’t check all the boxes. Learning how to shrug off those comments and feelings and impressions.
Good to meet you, Arrakeen. The only reason I can think of for someone to use that screen name is that they are at least fond of (or vaguely familiar with) Dune, which is one of my favorite series. I, too, hope your trip back into the old mission grounds goes well. It can be a challenge, especially when the original experience wasn’t all sunshine and roses. Wishing more of the closure you are hoping for and less being retraumatized.
Others that I have thought of:
Taylor Smith. I thought he had a book, but I can’t find it. He’s an oncologist from California who I’ve heard on a couple of podcasts speaking into this space.
Dan Wotherspoon — Latter-day Faith podcast, and/or others on his team
Jana Johnson Spangler — a therapist in SLC who specializes in working with faith crisis/faith journeys. I’m sure there are other therapists in Utah who might also be good choices.
If you are willing to consider someone who has disaffiliated, Valerie and Nathan Hamaker of the Latter-day Struggles podcast.
Richard Ostler, if you want to have an LGBTQ specific episode.
I don’t know if Elder and Sister Hafen are still available for public appearances, but they had a book with their own “stages of faith” model. Even if they aren’t available, perhaps a “bookclub” type of episode with a panel of people to discuss the Hafen’s bookTim and Aubrey Chavez from the Faith Matters podcast
Susan and Cynthia from the At Last She Said It podcast
John Gustav Wrathall (and partner?)
Charlie Bird and/or Ben Schilaty
Brian McLaren (he’s not LDS, but he is prominent in Christian deconstruction circles)
David Heyward (aka The Naked Pastor — another non-LDS)
Allen and Katie Mount (mixed faith marriage emphasis).
Patrick Mason
Teryl Givens
Darius Gray
Jared Halverson@gospeltangents2: Yes, you have, and I’ve probably already listened to every one, maybe even listened to one or two of those interviews twice. Very good discussions.
@BigRoy: I’m in Utah, and I would say we have an average sized ward for Utah. I say music “division” because I have served in several of the music callings that most wards would have — primary pianist, sacrament meeting chorister, choir director, choir accompanist. I don’t play the organ well enough to be organist, and I was assigned male at birth, so I expect current policy on attending gender specific classes would preclude me from being called as RS pianist. At some point, I very well might start such a thread and see what this group has to say on the topic.
