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F4h1, You sound like the kind of mormon I would like to be. I envision myself going to church each week. I effortlessly ignore any of the drivel that comes over the pulpit, and actively appreciate and ponder the insightful talks. I skip meetings if I don’t like them, but I stay close so that I can know about those in need. I often approach the EQ president and HP group leader and ask them about who has a need in the ward and how I can help.
Finally the daydream ends and I go back to being the same barely active mormon that I now.
There are real opportunities for good in the LDS church, but I struggle to filter out the bad stuff.
Brian Johnston wrote:ALWAYS TRADE UP!
I like it. Unfortunately sometimes trading up means just doing something I like. For example, I would rather go skiing than go to church. That’s a trade up for me, but my wife just sees this as more “selfish time” (She’s probably right, because I already ski quite a bit).
Thanks for your comments Brian, and thanks for helping to administer this forum. If often feels like there isn’t a lot of people for an unorthodox mormon to talk. I’m very glad I found this site.
Orson wrote:Hello MtnMan!
The only thing that comes to mind is I feel better when I’m thoughtful of other people’s wants and needs. You do need to take care of yourself, that is a given and I want to lay that down first. If you think you can handle doing some things that your family will really appreciate, I think they deserve some consideration.
Welcome to the forum!
Very true about my family’s needs. For a year or two I kept the whole doubt thing under wraps and maintained full membership just because I knew that my wife would be too upset. Finally one evening we sat on the couch and I told her what I’ve been keeping bottled up. She was crying and told me that she was scared. I felt awful, but I knew I couldn’t hide my feelings without feeling dishonest. I need to find a new balance point where my both my family’s and my needs are met. I think I’ve been too concerned about myself lately. Thank you for the advice Orson.
Tom Haws wrote:There are many meanings and levels of staying. Choose any of the following:
[list][*]Keep calling yourself LDS[*]Keep your membership[*]Keep showing up every few weeks[*]Keep home teaching and serving in a calling[*]Keep attending for 3 hours every week[*]Keep a temple recommend[/list] And I have touched only on activity, not at all on orthopraxy.
It’s your choice. It’s not a binary question with faithful bishopric service on one hand and atheistic rabid anti-mormonism on the other.
Tom, thank you for the insight. I do need to remind myself that this isn’t an “all-or-nothing” kind of situation. This is a hard mind-set to get away from though, because I’ve been hearing it most my life in church. Someone asked me recently if I was LDS. The answer wasn’t just a reflex. I thought a brief moment, and said yes. I didn’t say it because I still hold membership, but because being a mormon is a part of who I am, and always will be whether I’m a member on the books or not. I’m not embarrassed by being a mormon. I just not enamored with it either.
Old-Timer wrote:If not believing doesn’t bother you, and if church itself doesn’t bother you in your current situation, and if you like the people, and if they like you and accept you – stay because it’s not going to get any better anywhere else for you
In genreral most of these things don’t bother me. There are things about the church that bother me. I’m not too thrilled about teaching people that mormonism is the only true church. I’m not too thrilled about all the politically conservative rhetoric that I have to endure most fast and testimony meetings. That stuff seems to creep up in SS a lot as a well. Most sundays can’t go by without someone bemoaning the impending doom of homosexuality. There’s other stuff as well, but what I”m trying to say is that me not believing makes it hard to stomach a lot of this stuff.
I like the people, but don’t really connect with any of them. I don’t have any close friends through church, especially now that I have distanced myself a bit. My wife can’t relate because she loves and is loved by nearly every member of our ward.
People are nice to me. I feel accepted, but I really don’t thrive on acceptance. It’s just not that important to me.
I’m not sure there isn’t something better. Maybe there’s an organization that spends more time serving and less time just talking about. I kind of feel like I won’t find this in any church.
Ray, Thanks for your reply. I do agree that I have it pretty good, and that I should see the bright side to my situation. I promise not to run through the streets naked.
My wife came home from the training and said that previously, as non-temple recommend holding member I would not have been allowed to bless my babies or baptize my children. She says that this has been changed and that a person in my position would now be able to bless and baptize his children. She said that I would still not be able to confirm my child, but would be allowed to stand in the circle. Do you guys know about this? This is pretty relevant to me as I have a new bornwho will be blessed soon, and a child that will be baptized in a couple of years. Thank you all for your posts. After I made my original post, I started to get abdominal pain. It got so bad I finally went to the ER yesterday morning. I had appendicitis and just had my appendix removed last night. Was it just coincidence, or was it a sign? I think it must be a sign, but now the difficult part is to know what it means. It could be a sign to stay or maybe a sign that I should go. Or maybe it’s a sign that my appendix was inflamed :thumbup: .Anyways, the reason I tell you that is, I really wanted to respond to some of your posts but I’m in a bit of a post-op haze, so that will have to wait. But, do know that I’ve read them and have been thinking seriously about what you have said. Your concern for a faceless stranger on the internet is greatly appreciated.
