I can really relate with what you’re saying! I too was a Molly Mormon and always batted a blind eye to a lot of the unsavory characteristics and history of the church, until… I’m not sure what happened, I just couldn’t anymore? And it seems after that there was just no turning back. It’s an uncomfortable place to be in to say the least, but I wouldn’t change a thing and go back to my former ways of comfortable apathy. A friend said it well when I told him about my faith crisis – he said “stop looking at it as a faith crisis, but more of a faith transformation.”
On the mission note, I agree.