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I have had this happen a couple of times. The most recent was when my boss basically told me that I wasn’t needed. Thank you for the recommendations and the suggestions.
On Own Now wrote:Conversely, what I used to really appreciate were comments along these lines:
– affirmation of the concepts being discussed
– questions posed by those earnestly trying to understand (even if I couldn’t answer them)
– brevity
“
Long winded was never one of my issues, even my post mission talk we got out early.
:clap: I need to do better at keeping my comments in the affirmation and it is good to have a reminder.On Own Now wrote:One option is just to shoot your hand up and blurt out a comment that you might later regret. That’s what looking ahead would be meant to avoid.
Another would be to figure out a way to make a comment that is in the form of a self-examining question. “
The first option is usually more my style, so, I will have to work on doing the second.
Again thank you for the recommendation.
If I were to poll 100 people who knew me before my mission and asked them if they thought I was ready I would bet the large preponderance would say I was ready. Looking back on it, I am not so sure I was. That said, I think the mission was a good place for me. We used to quote on my mission “the church must be true or the missionaries would have killed it years ago.” I still think that is somewhat true at least about the gospel part. I also knew missionaries that were not ready to go but went anyway. My mission presidents would probably disagree with me but sometimes a mission is a great place to get people to grow up. I guess to answer the question of the post, I do not think anyone really knows when they are ready but a desire to go on a mission goes along way to being ready to go on a mission. At least then it is her choice and not something you pushed her into. I guess I am like Ray, she is 18 and maybe the only way she will act like an adult is when she finally has to act like one. It is at that time that we all hope she remembers what you have taught her and she comes around. QuestionAbound wrote:Instead of a half thrown together primary activity once every few years, why not open our doors in the summer time for a VBS? I used to take my children to VBS at some churches when they were younger. The set up for those events was amazing. *I* enjoyed myself. One year stood out to me b/c the program was taking donations to help a “city” of teens who escaped abusive homes and needed a place to live but were too old for the welfare system. We were assured that 100% of donations would go to this city…I happily gave what was in my wallet (all of $5). Why don’t we do things like that?
Ah well…maybe we are “comfortable” with how things work b/c that’s all we’ve known…and no one really wants to “work” at church attendance, ya know?
I don’t know about others here but I am very cynical about service projects in the church. It has been my experience that planned service projects are the least attended activities in the ward. It is usually the same 10 members that show up and do most of them. (This goes all the way back to when I was a kid.) The unplanned service projects are usually very well attended. Go figure.
As for doing service on Sunday’s, it must not be against the handbook because irregularly over the course of my life (2-3 times), I have been in wards where we were told to go home put on our work clothes after SM and meet at this address to service… Yes it was usually a ward member but it has happened.
I just read my post and thought I sounded a little boastful and that was not my intent, so I wanted to clarify or try to. I am not saying anyone’s family isn’t as close as mine (we fight as hard as everyone else I have seen.) I am just stating why I believe my family is the way it is. Last week this wasn’t my opinion. Next week it may change again. Currently it appears to me, it just seems that the relationship you have with your siblings plays a significant role in your activity. Recently, I have thought about this alot as one of my close friends has family members that appear to be leaving the church. I come from a large family and using my understanding of what TBM means, we are all of the TBM variety. That said none of us have had callings higher than EQ president and we all balked at that. (We have frequently said that anyone who aspires to bishop deserves it.) We rarely had FHE, even though my mother tried. The more I think about it, the more I think for us it really is a family thing. We grew up a mile outside of a small town so we are all close even if some of us can’t stand others of us. (I think a couple of my sisters wouldn’t mind too much if they only spoke on a yearly basis or less.) We learned and leaned on each other growing up, my best friends are family members. (Note: It was a small Utah town so I think that helped as well.) I know I am extremely lucky/blessed with my family. To answer the question of the thread title, IMO, yes. I really enjoyed reading this thread and I especially liked the thoughts about just having “responsibilities” and not “callings” and the comments about letting leadership know which callings we will do.
As I read this, one of the things Nibbler said struck me
nibbler wrote:Putting on my TBM hat: If we all did callings that fit our current strengths would we truly grow? Even if callings are assigned by an impromptu dart throwing at the ward roster competition if you go in with the attitude that you are going to do your best you will come away a better, more experienced person in the end.
Hat off: I’ve had callings that I didn’t enjoy. Perhaps the only lesson I learned in those years was that of patience.
[quote=
I will openly admit like he, I have had callings that seem to only give me patience, but I started thinking about life in general. I think his TBM self has a valid point. When we were kids how many of us would have done our homework without pushing in some manner. I know me personally I would never have given a presentation or speech in front of a group of people if I weren’t forced to. Because I was forced to learn that talent I can do it now, I still don’t think I am very good at it but it is something I have learned. To bring it back to the gospel, I am somewhat socially backward, so, should I just leave a cake on someones door step when I see they are having a bad day when what they really needed was a hug? (OK, that may be a bad example but I hope you understand what I am trying to say.) One of the main points of this life, IMO, is to learn and grow, in order to do that we sometimes have to do things we don’t want to do.
Ultimately, IMO “callings” and/or assignments should be reviewed on a case by case basis. Most of the time if you are being asked to do something there is a real need (for example momto11 being both the pianist and the chorister both were needed. It just seems they didn’t know who/how to fill both.) In my life, I have looked at what has been asked of me and made a decision based on whether I thought I could make a reasonable attempt to do it. I always reserve the right to go back to leadership and ask to be released as I find I am just not able. If I do not think I can do the “calling” reasonably, I say no and explain why. Maybe I have just had good leaders, but I have never been pressured to accept something that I didn’t think I could reasonably do.
I have to ask if you can provide a source for the following as I heard it came from Brigham Young and I looked and couldn’t find it. (My library is pretty small.) Old-Timer wrote:“It takes a **** fine meeting to be better than no meeting.”
I appreciate the replies and the suggestions. DarkJedi wrote:From another point of view, the adult leaders, including the bishop, may very well be aware of the situation and just not know what to do. Essentially they have a kid here who is “commanded” to be part of the organization and may have many other issues (family, church/testimony, emotional, etc.) where “kicking him out” is probably not in his best interest. And sometimes parents are not very supportive in these situations, either (in fact sometimes I think they’re glad to be rid of the kid for a few hours). I once called the parents of two boys that had had a behavior issue, both sets of parents prominent members of the ward. From one I got “I’ll take care of it.” From the other I got “Boys will be boys.”
This is actually my biggest concern. Unfortunately, my nephew lives on the other side of the US, so I really can’t help much other than give verbal support. I have had people tell me that we should “send them home to mama”, which from a personal selfish perspective seems like the best option… ultimately, I don’t think there is one right answer and I have to hope that the ward leaders figure out the best method. It doesn’t help that I come from one of those families that said “I’ll take care of it” so I have a hard time understanding the “boys will be boys” mentality as I am the product of my experiences.
I really liked the talk and the thoughts about how faith is a gift and not all have it. Thank you for sharing. I also have never seen the point of a PPI especially if the home teaching program is working… just a short story for you that may help and it may not. The stake president asked all the EQ presidencies to interview each HT companionship every month. I looked at my EQP and said no. I then volunteered to tell the stake president no if he wanted me to. (Just FYI I like my EQP he is really down to earth and as most are he is just trying to do the job.) Anyway, the point of this is that I haven’t heard anything about this for the last two months. So, as was mentioned by Heber it will probably go away, but I would be direct and honest in any requests for a PPI rather than just avoiding them. I agree with Ray and May. QuestionAbound wrote:Here is my situation…**and I stink at articulating my thoughts, so any help would be appreciated**
Now, what I need help with is …
how do I tell the current ward leadership that she really is in a happy place without our church? She sort of wants to be “left alone” as far as Mormon Church “stuff”. She isn’t antagonistic. She really does like visits, but wishes people would stop asking her when she is coming back to church. Her husband’s family are members of the church, so it’s not like she will be void of LDS contact (she is still very close to his family).
These may be things that I mention to the bishop to help him understand her “place” in life right now. In this case it feels more like a “spirit of the law” rather than the letter of the law.
Help?
I have always believed that being honest with leadership is the best way to go, so I would say it just like you did above. My experience is that local leaders have enough on their plates that if you “volunteer” to be the church’s influence they will gladly let you, this depends on the leader though and you know yours better than I do. Unfortunately, there will come a time when the leadership will change and you’ll go through all this again. I know of only two ways to get off the radar. (Death and resignation and I don’t recommend either, but the second may actually be a good option here.) Are there other friends you can enlist in case you are reassigned? Doing anything alone usually is very difficult. (One reason I am here.)
I have to say, its sounds like he served my mission (I have very similar traits), but, I had never really thought of Peter’s trial that way. Well worth the read, thank you Ray.
