Forum Replies Created
-
Posts
-
Bridget: Thank you for the link. I found it so very touching. It breaks my heart knowing my son — and other gay children like Bobby — felt, and continue to feel so much pain and hopelessness because of their sexual orientation.
I am still so very sad about Elder Packer’s talk. We’ve done the reparation therapy thing. We’ve tried to pray our son straight. For years, I was drinking the Kool-Aid of change therapy. As a result, Elder Packer’s remarks seem especially biting and cruel.
I really don’t quite know what to think or do. I feel that it might be the time in my life to stop going to church…at least for a while. As a faithful, active, life-long member, I feel so much terrible conflict. It seems like complete hypocrisy to keep going as if all is well in Zion.
Cwald…I agree. As I was listening to Boyd K. Packer’s talk, my heart fell… several times. I felt so sick and sad inside. I couldn’t help but think, “Here we go again.” Since Proposition 8, I have slowly healed, feeling that I could go on as a member of this Church, believing with all my heart that Jesus is the Christ, but perhaps not believing everything the Church has to offer — especially when it comes to same-sex-attraction, same-sex-marriage, or homosexuality. This morning I was told yet again to question my thinking, because I don’t agree with their thinking. As a result, my thinking is wrong, but I don’t think I’m wrong. I love my son with all my heart. I have been crying on and off since about 10:30 this morning. My son is coming over this evening with his partner. I’m just going to have to pull myself together.
I’m so discouraged.
This issue is so complex, and it brings so much pain and sorrow. One of the biggest contributors to that pain is “faithful” Church members. Ken, I appreciated your remarks. I agree with you. The Church is not a healthy place for most gays. Some can deal with this issue; however, most have to seek refuge in a safer environment — a safer church. My son attends another church now, and I am so relieved and happy he has found peace elsewhere. It is simply too caustic to sit amongst “faithful” saints who have all the answers and all the judgments wrapped up in a neat little pretty package. The same arguments, the same scriptural references, the same judgments, the same prejudices used over and over and over and over again! We must leave the judgment to the experts — and none of them live here on earth. Five years ago I would have been so aligned with the Church’s stance on homosexuality. Now — not so much. In fact — not at all. I have been through the tumultuous journey of “praying and fasting for change.” I spent hours on the Evergreen website. My husband and I spent hours in the temple. We literally spent hundreds, if not thousands, of dollars in therapy for my son. Some have said, “Well, you obviously had faith, but he didn’t.” Those kinds of comments make me cry. Without going into personal detail, let me just attest to the fact that he fasted, prayed, and cried his heart out with similar faith and hope. One of the most difficult things about this discouraging journey has been the advice, literature, and counsel we were given. It all sounded so spiritual and comforting, but it ended up being myth. I love the scriptures, but I do not go there when I have a cavity, a viral infection, or a broken arm. This is an area where we need to acknowledge the APA. Even their analyses and theories suggest we’ve still got a long way to go in understanding homosexuality. Nonetheless, their research is scientific research. We were told our son could change… if he just had faith. The APA discourages reparative therapy, suggesting it causes more harm than good. Unfortunately, we found out the hard way: the APA is right.
Thank you, Bridget, for sharing your story. I think it’s interesting that so many of us with gay children have had remarkably similar experiences. I, too, used to be convinced that homosexuality was wrong. My son spent almost two years in therapy desperately trying to change. Through his bedroom door, I saw him often on his knees begging for a miracle. Unfortunately, through that same bedroom door, I also often saw him in despair — curled up in a ball with the sheets over his head. I am embarassed that it took me so long to come to grips with my son’s sexual orientation. I love him more than words can express, and I am sorry that my rigid religious rationale contributed to his pain and depression. Thankfully, we have moved on. He knows I accept him completely as a gay man. My son is gentle, compassionate, kind, forgiving, tolerant, intelligent, and drop-dead gorgeous! In complete sincerity, I can say that he is one of the most Christ-like people I know.
How do I reconcile this major paradigm shift in my life? I acknowledge that the Church is lead by very good, faithful, spiritual, loving, HUMAN men. I respect them, but I do not worship them. And regarding biblical references, aren’t we taught that the Bible is the word of God as far as it is translated correctly? Isn’t it very likely that early translations included plenty of prejudice! My faith is entirely in my Savior, Jesus Christ. He will judge mercifully and justly. Hallelujah!
Thank you for the last few posts. When I think of my son, the last thing that comes into my mind is evil! He is about as Christian as anyone I know. I used to be so worried about his eternal salvation — that was part of the reason I was going through such hell — but now I feel peace about the hereafter. The Savior loves homosexuals as much as he loves heterosexuals. Is there going to be a higher standard for homosexuals in order to get into the Kingdom? I don’t think so. The judgement will be merciful and just! Thank heavens! Thanks to each of you who have submitted comments. I appreciate so much your sincere, caring responses. Thank you especially George and Bridget. I realize that I am not alone in this trial — but like most trials — there are times I have felt so alone. It’s comforting to know others are going through similar experiences. I have often wished I could just get together with people who were struggling with this same issue — and just talk, vent, and weep. As a result, I am so grateful for this forum. I just wish I had had access to it a few years ago when I was going through so much turmoil and pain. If I had known what I know today, I would have told our therapist to jump in a lake! He’s a good man — just trying to do his job — but that therapy did not help anyone. In fact, it made a difficult situation even more painful. We were told so many things that ripped us apart — including the fact that we just had to have faith — lots and lots and lots of faith — and my son’s SSA would gradually go away! We believed and trusted. I hope the Church will start to become a little more open-minded about some of the psychological research, instead of relying on inconsistent LDS therapy. Part of my son’s and my disillusionment has been with the inaccuracies we have been fed. Even the scientific, psychological research admits this is an extremely complicated issue. We can glean, sift, accept, reject, and learn from that psychological research.
