[ottozilch]

AngryMormon wrote:

What bothers me about these discussions are that I feel like people are lying to me and themselves. I don’t have a problem with the church building a multi-billion dollar mall, but let’s be honest about it.

However, I will remain quiet. I don’t want to disturb any peace people have.

I still want to know what an edifice like this has to do with the salvation of souls. Doesn’t this classify as a large and spacious building?

[ottozilch]

MayB wrote:

Some Sundays are really easy and church feels familiar and loving and safe. Others, I have a hard time.

I know exactly how you feel. I am the YM pres in our ward and I am trying to do that delicate dance between teaching the priests from the manual (BORING!) and reality. The bishop is in the lesson most of the time which makes it tricky. Bishop knows about my “trial of faith” and he has allowed me to have some lattitude in coloring outside the lines a little. Bottom line is that I feel that there are important underlying truths that we can learn in the gospel as long as we don’t get hung up on mormon minutia (e.g. coke is against WoW, paying tithing will make you profitable, obeying the commandments will guarantee our happiness, anymore than one pair of earrings for YW is defiling their bodies, etc.)

Yes, StayLDS is a wonderful site that has helped me immensely with reconciling my beliefs and staying.

[ottozilch]

hope wrote:

1)However, at this point, I feel it is all crumbling down around me…

2)In fact, I have begun questioning EVERYTHING. I am praying for guidance and discernment.

3)Why, oh why, is it so wrong to question and search freely in the Church? I feel like this site is a glorified Gospel Doctrine class where thinking and questioning are welcomed. It is so refreshing!

4)The things I once revered and had great respect for, I now look at with different eyes. Never in a million years did I ever expect to find myself where I am at this moment…

I would like to address four of your statements:

#1 – This is becoming a more common occurrence in the church. So many of us have had this happen to us as well. Having the cards all fall is an extremely difficult and painful experience

#2 – See #1

#3 – Questioning and freedom of thought in the church is such a complex issue that it is impossible to talk about it in a short online statement. Part of what helped my inital shock and pain was to find help and consolation in places like staylds. I realized I wasn’t the only one going through this. That has helped immensely.

#4 – See #2

You will make it through this tough time. Don’t do anything hasty. It gets easier with time as you work through this. You will need to re-evaluate your ideas about what the church is and come to grips with this. Once you have done that it isn’t so damaging. I wish you the best.

Y

[ottozilch]

And actually, any other meeting other than the 3 hour block is too early. This includes PEC, BYC, WC, Stake Conference Saturday meetings, Stake priesthood meeting (I dont think Ive ever gone to one of these despite my 42 years in the church). The ironic thing is that 90% of anyone attending at a given time does not ever want to be in said meeting. AND 90% of what goes on in the meeting is superfluous, repetative and boring. Just like business meetings. I hate meetings.

[ottozilch]

Any meeting other than Sunday meetings is too early.

[ottozilch]

Thankful,

Thankful wrote:

I need help.

I can’t square much of what the church teaches with my intellect. I can’t go back and “unlearn” things. I can’t seem to move forward with faith intact. I feel rather hopeless about it.

I SO know what you are going through with this. I have tried to figure things out for about seven years now. I got to the point where I was going to throw it all away and leave the church. Then I found support from others that have gone through the same thing. I wish I could give you the answers you are looking for. I wish they existed. The hard reality is that everyone needs to decide for themselves how to handle this. For years I thought I could study my way out of my doubts and disbeliefs. This is not possible. If anything, a scientific approach to this dilemma makes it worse. I’m not suggesting one turn a blind eye to the issues that cause a trial of faith. I’m just saying that there is no clear answer. There are three issues that seem to cause people the most angst in this situation:

1: We learn in the church is that there is a “right” and a “wrong” answer to things. We are looking for something or someone to tell us what the right answer is. Once we abandon the idea that we have to make a right choice, or that there is a right or wrong way to deal with this, things become a little easier.

2: We learn to look to higher authority and leaders for answers. Problem is, that even though they are trying their best, they don’t have the answers.

3: We learn that the gospel is either “true” or “false”. When we find issues that no longer fit in our belief system we find ourselves having to make the decision “Should I stay or should I go now?” There is another way. There is a way to come to terms with this, but it requires redrafting one’s spiritual priorities and beliefs. This can be extremely hard to do especially when family is involved. The decision to change ones belief not only effects self but how your piece of the puzzle fits into others lives.

The point that finally helped me was to focus on my spirituality without any religious organizations attached. Simple principles like be kind to others, treat others like you would want to be treated, forgive others, think less about how others should be acting to make me happy and more on how can I change to add happiness to others lives, etc.

Dont know if this will help, but don’t give up. Find someone who you can talk to that is nonjudgemental and sympathetic.

Best Wishes

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