[part time believer]

On Own Now wrote:

Hi PTB,

I’m glad you’re here and look forward to hearing more from you.

part time believer wrote:

How does one reconcile Issues related to church?

– I have come to believe that JS himself, in spite of all the strangeness, was a visionary who really did see himself as an oracle of God. He messed up in some major ways, but I often remind myself that he bore the brunt of his failures the way very few of us ever will.

I see that now with Joseph, but it’s difficult when he gets painted to look like one of the current church leaders. And by that I mean how the leaders now are these squeaky clean examples of what modern lds living should look like

Why can’t we just be more honest about the man. For crying out Joseph almost got his balls cut off for some of his antics.

Sorry to sound salty, I don’t intend to offend anyone.

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[part time believer]

nibbler wrote:

I know how that feels. Quite often at church I’ll hear someone say that there’s a place for everyone. People say that and genuinely mean it but I think it’s a case of the phrase meaning different things to different people.

I think from an orthodox perspective, “there’s a place for everyone” means that it doesn’t matter if you’re sinning or different, we’ll welcome your presence, we’ll help you become like us.

There are several ways to feel out of place though. I’m sure the church is very welcoming in creating space for people that are sinning or different but ultimately have the goal of conforming. I also think that people that feel out of place wouldn’t feel out of place if the environment was as welcoming as we believe it to be.

It takes a diverse community to create a space for diverse people. Maybe that’s a reason I stay, to be the fish out of water waiting for the moment that a fish out of water is needed… if that moment should ever come. To help the community make good on its claim to have a place for everyone, even when I myself feel crowded out every Sunday.

Nibbler your statement rings so true to my experience.

You sound like a true Saint.

[part time believer]

Thanks for every ones remarks, it’s so refreshing to hear these kinds of thoughts.

dande48 wrote:

What do you believe in now?

I don’t know…… I like to think of my loss of faith as a Jenga puzzle that fell over and I still haven’t rebuilt it.

It feels good to think that there is a Supreme Being out there rooting for me to make it back to him/her/it. But I can no longer frame that around the orthodox LDS proprietary info… such as proper priesthood authority, Temple rituals and Institutional Tithes that God is supposed to be very particular about. Like how convert baptism is required of one who might already have been baptized in a different in a different faith and then on top of that the baptism has to be performed perfectly. If one word is added or not said or the pinky toe pops out while being dunked it doesn’t count and you have to start over.

Its stuff like that was comforting to me before because it creates order and certify in life.

Now it makes me think we just have made up a lot of this stuff we think is important.

I really like how God is depicted in the book “The Shack”. She blows away the anal retentive god I used to believe in.

[part time believer]

dande48 wrote:

part time believer wrote:

But the staying I’m doing now is not enjoyable. I don’t look forward to going every Sunday.

What’s the hardest thing for you, in attending Church, would you say?

The hardest part used to be just walking in the building. After I was released I knew that a hand full of ward members were aware something was up with me.

So I had a lot of anxiety any time I was around Mormons. That has improved over time and now my Sabbath hang up is that I feel totally out of place. My beliefs have changed so much that I just can’t relate to most of what is said. Whether from SM talks, testimonies or SS lessons.

It feels like the one time I went to an evangelical church and just didn’t get it.

The entire worship service left me feeling confused and with ringing in my ears from being to close to the stage.

Except with lds services I know how I used to feel but can’t bring those feelings out of me again. I guess I do a lot of cringing now to things that used to bring me warm fuzzies.

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[part time believer]

Rebel wrote:

… I stay because it makes my wife happy and I love following Jesus ,not because the church is true but because I believe what I believe and no one can take that away.

Staying for family has been my greatest motivator as well.

But the staying I’m doing now is not enjoyable. I don’t look forward to going every Sunday. Luckily I don’t have a calling because the last one I had was a struggle for me (Being EQP while in a full blown faith crisis was not fun).

My previous Mormon identity was a verb now it feels like cures word.

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