Forum Replies Created
-
Posts
-
Thanks again for all the replies. Since I first posted here, I have been released as ward clerk — and called as ward mission leader. I should have turned the calling down, but it came up in a very surprising and unexpected setting, and I didn’t know how to handle it, other than to say “OK.” I’m trying to apply all the good advice I received here and serve in the best way I can — mostly by being a helpful resource for the missionaries in our ward. That said, I admit that sometimes what I want most is to be able to take a break — not from attending church, but from having a calling. It’s hard to figure out where I stand when everyone still thinks that I’m very much in line with the program. When my faith crisis began, I made a conscious decision to tell very few people about it — initially only my wife, who it turns out was going through more or less the same thing but about two months earlier than me. I think my decision to keep it to myself was the right one, and I still don’t feel comfortable telling anyone else about my faith crisis, especially my bishop who I know well outside of church and consider to be a good friend. But not telling him feels more and more dishonest. So I’m in an uncomfortable no-man’s land, where I’m trying to sort things out but still have a demanding calling that makes me appear to be very much with the program, even though I’m not. Anyone else been in this situation?
Maybe the answer here is to have a chat with the bishop. But he quite obviously has no clue I’m struggling in the faith and I hate to do anything to make his own calling more difficult, which are already tremendous. I’d love just to be able to slip quietly to the back row of church and hang out there for 6 months or so.
Thanks for the replies. The main problem I feel as ward clerk is that, in my ward, much more than just pushing paper is involved in being ward clerk. The bishop actively seeks my thoughts in bishopric meeting on things like, for example, who should be called into a particular calling. But it’s hard to tell him that I feel a spiritual confirmation about calling so-and-so to such-and-such calling when I’m finding it very hard to feel the Spirit at all in my life right now.
