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I never thought I would say this, but I am glad I am where I am at. You are right at the beginning of your journey. I feel so bad for you. It is a hard spot you are in. My husband, daughters and sons-in-laws are very active, believing members. I am happy that my questioning didn’t happen until after my girls were grown up. I am blessed to have an open husband who accepts me for what I believe. But I accept him and his belief and activity in the church also. Actually when we talk about different issues in a non-threatening way, we become closer. But it sounds like your wife is scared and doesn’t want to listen to anything against the church. As lots of people here will say. Go slowly. I was at the angry, mad stage for over two years and still get frustrated at times with the church. After reading different posts here at StayLDS, I was able to let go of most of my anger and just accept and love all people for where they are at. I still go to sacrament with my husband because I don’t want him to be alone but I head home after that. I don’t suppose there can be any negotiating? Anyway, good luck! This is the best place to be. It has helped me so much.
Amen Ray and Brian, I’ve had such mixed feelings on this bin Laden death. One the one hand I know that people with loved ones killed on 9/11 were probably very happy but on the other hand dancing in the streets???? I just keep thinking that we don’t know what bin Laden’s life was like? His childhood? He probably thought what he was doing was the right thing??? Horrible to say, I know. But I cannot rejoice when someone has been killed. Maybe I might feel differently if one of my own was hurt in any way? I don’t know! It’s a sad thing all around!
I am not even sure what to say. To me, at least, polygamy was and is a disgusting, filthy, revolting and offensive practice. Women are used as objects for whatever. I’m sorry but I don’t see how Brigham Young could have treated each wife with dignity, respect and equal treatment. How is it right for one man to think they are so high and mighty they they should marry 35?? wives or even two??? My husband went through this struggle with me but decided to have faith and he believes the church is true. I told my three older married daughters of my struggles but I wish I hadn’t gotten so specific about the history of the church. I have told close friends because they are my friends. I have been lucky because they support me and love me anyway. I ended up telling the Bishop because he called me to be R.S. President and he asked for the specifics why I did not believe the church was the only true church. And I told him. He was very kind and asked me what kind of callings I would accept. I told the Stake President because I was in the R.S. Stake Presidency. He was also very kind and told me that everyone has struggles in life and this is mine. I know that not all bishops or stake presidents are like that but I wasn’t sure how they would react but I didn’t care. I felt the need to be totally honest. I can’t keep things locked inside. I think that everyone is different and needs to pray and decide for themselves. If someone were to ask me about my testimony of the church I would be honest and tell them. I’m tired of hiding the person I am and what I believe. This is just what has worked for me. Thanks so much Brian, It helps to know that others are going through the same thing. That is why this site is so important and helpful! Thanks
Thanks so much everyone for responding to this post. Thanks to all of you, after two years, I am beginning to understand black,white and gray. It is taking a long time to get over being mad, hurt, frustrated with all I have learned about the history of the church. I am a lot like some members of the church that believe what they believe and won’t listen to anything or anyone else. I agree that we cannot know all that was going on with Joseph or anyone else at that time. I keep trying to pray and believe what I feel in my heart is true for me. I guess that is all anyone can do. So, thanks again! I post once in a very blue moon. I don’t have kids hanging around, but like canadiangirl, I don’t have much to offer and I am still very angry. Another reason I don’t participate is because I am not an intellectual and have a hard time putting my thoughts into words. So, I just sit back and read and disagree or agree. But actually I will post about something I’ve read about that I don’t understand. I was talking to my daughter the other day about my interview with the Stake President. I am unable to get a temple recommend because as the Stake President said I am way too honest and wouldn’t be able to answer the questions about the restoration and prophets in the affirmative. My daughter told me she was so sad that we wouldn’t be able to go to the temple as a family as she has with her in-laws. I told her they could definitely go that I would be fine with it but she said it wouldn’t be the same. (guilt!) She then said that she worries that it would be awkward for my husband to bear his testimony to our grandchildren in front of me. I guess her in-laws also do this. ( more guilt!) She also said that she worries about my husband and how this must hurt him. (guilt! guilt! guilt! ) I had a rough afternoon and evening after she left wondering why I couldn’t just believe. Why I was hurting the family so much. But at 4:00 the next morning I woke up and magically I felt peace and God’s love for me and know that I am fine just the way I am. And so is my daughter, my husband, anyone. I also learned that no one is right or wrong, it just is. I want to accept my daughter with her beliefs if I can expect her to accept me and mine. Brian, I like what you said about listening with compassion. I will work on that. Hey SilentDawning, Thank you so much for answering. I think you and I are in different places.
I am totally cool with my daughter growing up in the church. I love the morals and not drinking and smoking. Those are some of the reasons I converted to the church in the first place.
But, for two years I have been doing all you have said and it is not working! I am a mess! I have already talked to my Bishop. My temple recommend is expired and I really have no desire to renew it. I know that the people in the church are wonderful. They are. But, do you understand that I am so alone right now? I am surrounded with family and neighbors that are engrained in the Mormon Church. That is not a bad thing of course, but it is very hard for me. Sure I could just keep going and faking it but it is killing me. I feel like I am living a lie. And I can’t stand it anymore! I guess I’m just not a stage 5 person. Another thing to feel guilty about!
I have no desire to disturb anybody’s testimony of the church. Those at church would be shocked if they knew what I am going through. They think we are the perfect Mormon family. I haven’t told anyone except my other daughters and the bishop.
I have been reading this site for a year and half now. I have enjoyed it so much. I think all the things I struggle with the church have been written about here at one time or another. I just need some peace and going to church is not doing it. So, if I just go to Sacrament meeting I think my daughter will figure out that something is going on. Don’t you think it would be a good idea to be honest with her? Do I really have to fake with her? It just doesn’t seem right.
I am a convert. I had doubts throughout all the years I have been a member. So I finally decided I would read the Book of Mormon and get an answer once and for all. I read it in two weeks. I was fasting the last day planning on getting an answer. But none came. I was still ok with that thinking I would get an answer later. So I continued to read and pray and fast when I had the feeling to look online for answers. That is when I read all the history of the church and went through hell. I’ve calmed down since then especially since finding StayLDS. I haven’t been to the temple for a year and half and my temple recommend has expired. I’m not sure I will try to renew it. I still hold my stake calling in the R.S. I don’t believe the church is the one and only true church on the earth but I stay because of my family and because I love them. But it is very very hard and lonely. Whenever I hear anything at church that bothers me, I’ve been able to it slide but for some reason yesterday was really hard. Our Sunday School lesson was on the temple and how righteous you need to be to enter. Relief Society was about the church in Joseph Smith days. Our new teacher went on a mission to Rome, Italy. So it was a lot of rude remarks about the Catholic Church which I grew up in. I wanted to get up, pretend I had a cough and run away. But I made it through. I went home and cried to my husband and told him I didn’t know if I could do this anymore. Thank goodness he is the sweetest man ever. He listened and all is as well as can be for now. It is not problems that make me sad but some days I just wake up that way and I think it might last forever. But the next day is fine. My neighbor said that those days are thinking days! I tend to read and eat chocolate those days and try not to let it make me feel guilty! My3GirlsDad, Thank you, you give me hope that someday I will be able to set aside the hurt and anger I still feel. I too put my trust in the Lord.
