[pentium3]

Lately I’ve been feeling really overwhelmed by the maleness of everything in scripture, lessons, etc. My daughter during sacrament meeting pulled my shoulder down to whisper in my ear ” Why do only men get to be in charge?” Purely innocent, honest question from an observant little girl. My heart sunk. I told her I don’t know, but I don’t think it is because God wants it to be that way. Not good enough. Recently I was at Deseret Book and noticed a book with a painting on the cover of Heavenly mother and Father. The book speaks of Heavenly Mother by name throughout. It even says women are created in the image of Heavenly Mother. It’s not a book about her, it is a book about family. I’ve been reading it to my daughters over breakfast and it has been a bit of a balm to my soul. It’s a book geared toward kids called Our Heavenly Family Our Earthly Family if you are interested in checking it out, even if just to take in the artists portrayal of a divine female. It gave me the glimmer of hope I needed to keep showing up.

[pentium3]

I just wanted to give an update on the youth temple recommend concern. I spoke to my daughter’s Beehive adviser and let her know that I would not be okay letting my daughter go behind closed doors with an unfamiliar man and be questioned about masturbation. She said she would look into it for me. She got back to me Sunday and said that she was told by a member of the bishopric that they never close the door during youth interviews and they only will ask if the law of chastity is followed. I was very relived. This is a brand new bishopric, I’m not sure if my previous bishopric did things this way or if this is new but thank goodness. My daughter’s Beehive adviser even offered to sit next to the door if it would make me feel better But once those two concerns were addressed I felt ok with letting her go on her own. I did go over the questions with her before hand and told her the advice given here that if anything felt inappropriate she could say she needed to use the restroom and leave. She had her interview last night and said it was fine. I hope this door open no masturbation talk becomes church wide. So much better. :thumbup:

[pentium3]

I didn’t realize not all Bishops were asking youth about masturbation. I would be fine if the question were ” Do you obey the law of chastity?” Maybe I could ask to have an email with the list of questions sent to me. I’m not a fan of the stopping at the temple on the way to camp thing either…would she just have to sit alone in the waiting room while all the other girls wonder why she’s not going in( if we don’t figure this temple recommend thing out.) As a youth I was encouraged to invite my non member friends to camp, and I did. But I would be less likely to if I knew they would be feeling like the odd one out at a temple stop. Thank you for taking time to offer me some feedback. This site has been such a source of comfort and guidance during the ups and downs my ever fluctuating faith.

[pentium3]

For our sharing time 4 kids ( 2 boys 2 girls) were called up to form a family. A tie was placed around the first boys neck, a mixing bowl and whisk was placed in the first girls arms, a baby doll was given to the “daughter” and a toy I can’t remember…maybe a teddy bear was given to the ” son”. I was already struggling this Sunday and was giving it my all to think positive…but my heart ached when I saw the bowl and whisk placed on the little girl…and the word preside used repeatedly. We are also learning the same primary song. One of the big reasons I’m sticking with my church attendance is for the sake of my daughters…but when I struggle with some of the messages they are receiving in primary it undercuts my motivation. I am planning on upping my consistency with FHE, I will make sure they hear from me that their purpose in life is not based solely on becoming a wife and mother, and that they alone preside in their lives.

[pentium3]

I couldn’t get the link to work, but I really enjoyed hearing that you had good day at church. I tried my best to focus on the positive yesterday at church, I still heard things that caused some cognitive dissonance but it didn’t hurt as much as usual. The hymns helped me as well, we sang ” I stand all amazed” and I felt a swell of emotion as I sang, in a good way. I’ve had a lot of emotions swell at church lately, but not many of them have been good. Thanks for the reminder about the importance of family relationships, that is one of my motivators as I strive to staylds.

[pentium3]

This thread has been helpful. Thank you.

[pentium3]

I can sympathize with your struggle. I too am taking a break from conference this weekend. I’m in too fragile of a place to deal with hurt or disappointment from our leaders right now. I may read a recommended talk if any hit home with my fellow staylds-ers. I hope you find an opportunity to relax and enjoy some good down time this weekend.

[pentium3]

Part of my struggle is figuring what is best for my kids.. I feel the weight of it. If I became inactive it would affect them socially…they don’t even know a non Mormon..at all. Even their school teachers have all been Mormon. I’ve known of people here who won’t let their kids play with anyone who isn’t Mormon. I had a positive experience growing up in the church despite the occasional lesson that scared me because my dad had ‘fallen away’. I always believed he would come back because I prayed for him to every night. I loved being in yw and girls camp and super Saturday’s and youth conference. My ability to figure out how to manage my relationship with the church will shape my daughter’s childhood. My husband is supportive but concerned about indoctrination and some of the other messages girls receive at church, he would be just fine if we joined him for family Sunday’s every week. So it’s up to me…it was easier to bear when I was a devout traditional believer..but now I have a hard time sitting through church alone. I’ve also struggled to make friends here. My ward is huge…people come and go and perhaps I am putting off a negative aura that makes me seem un-approachable. I’ve never been in a ward where I’ve felt so alone ( I’m 3 years new to Utah..maybe this is just the norm here). Right now I think that’s the hardest part..I’ve come to terms with the church not being the one and only true church…I just don’t want it to be so difficult to enjoy going to church. I can’t quite imagine walking away right now…so I’ll keep working on how to focus on the good and let go of the bad. I’m hoping that gets easier with time.

[pentium3]

Thank you for your replies. I feel better than I did when I first posted…just feeling understood is healing. Roy… fortunately I was the only one in my family who noticed the shorts rule for the’let your light shine’ day camp. It rained that day so my girls wore pants anyway..but I was irritated by it. I did mention it to my sister who said something like..crap like that only happens in Utah. I hope she’s right…but I live in Utah so crap :problem: I will take this conference weekend to try to relax and not let things that don’t ring true negatively affect me. I’m not good at that yet…I’m used to feeling like it’s all true whether I like it or not. I think there will be struggles for me in or out of the church…I can continue carrying this load of feeling spiritually responsible for my family. Thank you again for your support. I’m always a little amazed at how helpful anonymous strangers can be.

[pentium3]

I’m glad I could add a positive note since I know most of us have to make a real effort to search it out. LDSthomas go ahead and use the phrase “flaming introvert” to your hearts content. I’m trying to embrace the fact that I’m not going to outgrow being painfully shy ( I really had to work up my courage to go up to this man that I didn’t know and thank him, I even felt a little shaky afterwards…I could totally do without those kind of introvert side effects.) I sometimes wonder if being an introvert has an affect on activity for those struggling with their faith. I have thought at times that I would rather not deal with having to do the things necessary to live the gospel on my own terms right now, like turn down callings or decline being asked to speak in Sacrament. I’m a people pleaser, so saying no and maybe even not giving a reason intimidates me…I’d rather stay home and read a book than put myself in a position like that. .. I wonder how many inactives are introverts?

[pentium3]

I’ve never felt that wearing garments offered me any type of protection or had an affect on weather I was a good person or not. I’ve been wearing them for 12 years and just recently, as my faith crisis came to a pinnacle, decided that I would give my self permission to not wear the tops ( or both) when it is just too dang hot to be comfortable with an extra sticky layer. It was doing me no favors to be overheated. Just giving myself a say made me more comfortable with the idea of continuing to wear them. I’m still trying to figure out a way to let them have a spiritual meaning and be a reminder of my savior. But I’m so in the habit of wearing them that I rarely think about it, unless they are making me uncomfortable. Before my faith crisis, I used to think…if I ever find out the church isn’t true, this awful underwear will be the first thing to go. Now, even though I’m struggling, I find myself hanging on to them a little…maybe because once they are off,everyone will know somethings up. Or maybe I’m holding out hope that I can infuse them with meaning and be comfortable with them since I am striving to make the church work for me. Whatever it is, I would be totally o.k if the church decided to get out of the underwear business.

[pentium3]

While reading The God Who Weep,s as I read certain paragraphs I would feel my heart race with a sense of joy. I would be sitting as I read but find myself standing. When I read this sentence in particular ” If God takes as much care with the destinies of human souls as with the planets they inhabit, surely they too gain in splendor and glory through the cycles of eternity” I wanted to shout for joy. Never has any teaching rung truer to my heart than that of eternal progression. The idea that my many inactive loved ones won’t be condemned to a lesser heaven with visitation rights only from those who made it higher, makes my soul sing. The fact that this book is sold at Deseret Book gives me hope that I won’t be alone in embracing this idea. This teaching illustrates the God I love and worship. My heart and mind came together as I internalized the idea of a more effective plan of salvation than what I have previously thought. I have to believe that the feeling that seemed like an adrenalin rush as I read portions from this book, was the spirit confirming to me that this is truth. As I work through my faith crisis, the teaching of eternal progression gives me the hope I need to keep going.

[pentium3]

Welcome. I always find it refreshing to know that there are members who hold different opinions than the majority of LDS. Diversity and open-mindedness is invaluable at church :thumbup:

[pentium3]

Thank you Ray, I loved both posts and have bookmarked your blog. I wish I could feel at church what I feel reading the comments and blogs of staylds-ers. Maybe someday

[pentium3]

Jeeze! I hope that isn’t the message my VT’s are planning on discussing this month. :thumbdown: It really just feels like fear mongering to me now. Thankfully, I was introduced to the beautiful doctrine of eternal progression on this site, and I also read a talk called my grace is sufficient that inspired a love and trust in my Savior that I didn’t have before. That’s why it’s so scary when you or someone you love begins a faith transition, fear. And there is little comfort to be found at church unfortunately. I’m so glad I have been able to separate Church & God in my mind now, they used to pretty much be synonymous. It hasn’t helped with feeling edified and uplifted at church, but every other day of the week I’m fine.

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