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I was in your wife’s situation several years ago. It was soul wrenching to watch my husband become disillusioned with the faith that had brought us together. I felt that as long as I staid the course he would eventually see his mistake and would return to his once devout beliefs. I watched him try, so hard. Talking to the Bishop, the SP, on his knees in prayer, attending church when I could see that he was so unhappy there. None of it was helping. I thought that if anyone could help him, it would be me. I know him better than any HT or Bishop, so I started to search for answers to what I knew were his concerns. And that is where I came to find my own questions & concerns and started on a path to my own faith crisis. I have recently come to the hardest part of this awful feeling of having your foundations rocked. My testimony is shot, a mere mustard seed. My faith in God and Christ seems to have increased as I’ve tried my best to navigate on this path, but my faith in the church is mostly gone. I am fully aware now that there is no going back to the way that I used to be and am not sure how to find my place in the church. I have a new found passion for gaining as much knowledge as I can, about our church history, about the way things are currently run, about feminism ( I’m raising 3 girls in the church so I have some concerns about equality, modesty etc.) personal revelation and other religions theologies. I have a sense of freedom, no information is off limits out of fear that it will lead to an exit. I no longer feel that if the church doesn’t work for you, you will be damned to a lesser heaven. But I still want to find a way to make it work for me. I love my religion…except for when I’m sitting through the 3rd hour listening to the same narrow minded comments I’ve heard all my life…then I want to bang my head against the shiny white cinder block wall just to feel something in my brain. My Dad also left the church…right after he baptized me. As a kid, I can’t remember this having too damaging an effect on me except for when church lessons talked about people being assigned to different heavens…but I always over-road my fears that my Dad would be separated from me by believing wholeheartedly that he would be coming back to the church. He never did, and I can’t imagine that he ever will. He is very supportive, my Mom never did waver…I figured I would just do what she did and carry on, but I think the internet and my personality made my path different than hers. It would be heartbreaking to her & other family members if I went inactive, I take that into consideration when I think about my future. I believe you are doing a wonderful job navigating this trial in your marriage. You recognize that this is scary for your wife. ( I am reminded almost every Sunday that my religion doesn’t believe I have an eternal marriage, because my husband isn’t keeping his covenants…that was& is the hardest part for me) We are also led to believe that when people leave the church, they become worldly. She may be afraid you are going to change…start drinking,breaking the Sabbath, undermine how she is trying to raise the kids etc. Assuring her that you are still you and aren’t going off the rails should be a comfort. My husband feels responsible & guilty for my faith crisis, but I’m not upset with him at all. If anything, I better understand him and feel bad that he had to go through his crisis alone. I would usually cry and feel sick to my stomach when would have discussions about the church, I know how hard that had to be on him. At least I have his support through this. He genuinely hopes I can find a way to be happy and active in the church even though he hasn’t been able to. I wish you the best & hope you find the support you are looking for, this site has been a heaven send for me. Welcome, I’m glad you found this safe place to express your concerns. I often wonder about the WoW as well. Why was it changed from advice to command? What about moderation in all things? Is a morning cup of Joe really so bad that a person should be barred from attending the temple? It doesn’t sit well with me right now, even though I haven’t “broken” the WoW myself, I think it’s original intention has been taken to an extreme. I guess I have some more research to do:) If I learn anything that could help you I’ll let you know. Right now, my focus is on church history. Like you, I had to take a hit to my reality when my eyes were opened to the realities of the past that didn’t match up with the glowing representation I’d been taught all my life. I’ve gotten past the scary, foundation shaking part now…and it’s actually a little thrilling…I want to know everything, and with the fear gone that my faith will be shaken ( it already has been, so I might as well learn about as much of the good, bad & ugly as I can) I feel driven to acquire all the information I can. I’m picking up Joseph Smith Rough Stone Rolling today, it was recommended to me here as a fair approach to Joseph Smith. I plan on staying in bed ( a break from church is a good thing every once in a while for me 
Quote:“I have discovered many things from early church history that rattle me to the core and make me feel both elated and devastated at the same time. Elated, because I feel like God is guiding me to a greater understanding of his world and because it seems perhaps his world is not as rigid and filled with rules as the mormon church claims. But devastated because I am mourning the loss of my identity and what once held my heart and soul.”
I can relate wholeheartedly to this statement. I feel like I’m going through an identity crisis, but at the same time really learning about my religion for the first time in a while, seeing it with new eyes. It hurts sometimes & it’s scary to not ” know” anymore, but I think I can find a happy medium between the hardline and total disbelief. I believe you will too, it sounds like you are very in tune with the Lord and that he will guide you on your journey. I’ve found this site to be a great source of support and have gained a wealth of information, I deeply appreciated all the different perspectives offered here. Welcome.
There is much good to be found in the LDS Church. I would encourage you to investigate it and see if it might be a good fit. I know it was especially a blessing to me during my teenage years to have a support system of friends who had high values. Hope, Welcome. You’ve come to the right place to voice your concerns and find support. I’m new to my faith crisis as well. My daughter is going to be baptized next month & my struggles are very much all consuming at the moment. I’ve found that as my feelings change regarding the church, my heart is being turned to God and my hope is in the basic teaching of Christ. The idea of the church not being the one and only “true” church no longer racks my soul with fear. There is truth and good there though so I try to focus on that…try…I’ve found it to be easier said than done while I’m actually sitting through a 3 hour block. But I feel one way or another, for all of us…everything will be o.k. I just read the entire thread that Roy shared. Thank you so much for sharing that! It makes so much sense & is no longer scary or sad to think about the after life when it’s viewed with eternal progression for ALL. I’ve learned so much during my short time here. Thank you for all of the uplifting insights and support. I feel like I’ve found a group of kindred spirits. Today was hard again. The lesson was harsh, despite the teachers efforts to focus on the positive. Talking about who gets assigned where in Heaven and why is no fun, I especially didn’t like the comments. I was so glad my DH wasn’t there. I’m not proving to be very proficient at letting go of the painful doctrine…I have a long road ahead of me I think. Time for a Sunday nap. Thank you wayfarer…I’ve been reading your blog off and on for the last few days and have found I needed a new way of looking at my belief system. I feel refreshed,lighter and more hopeful than I have in a while. Reading the shared blogs and comments on this site has given me the hope I was so desperately in need of. I feel free to step outside of the box of conventional Mormonism and open my mind to unique perspectives. I’m optimistic that I can be happy and Mormon if I can learn to let go of the all or nothing mentality that has been at the root of my struggles. I believe that I have Heavenly parents & that my family is loved by them..and that they have no intention of separating me from my loved ones for eternity… any suggestions on how to hold on to this feeling of hope while sitting through a lesson or talk that contradicts what I believe? Rough Stone Rolling has been highly recommended several times on this site, so I think I will start there…hopefully it is a happy medium between an anti & pro Mormon stance on our history. This is a taxing journey, trying to figure out how to embrace what feels right and let go of what doesn’t. I’ve sat through so many lessons where I’m squirming in my seat, disagreeing in my head with the teacher while what seems like the rest of the room is nodding in agreement. I watch them walk out of church with a smile, and I leave frustrated. But I don’t want to walk away from all the good. I had a wonderful childhood being raised in the church and it has continued to blessed my life because I am determined to live by high standards. There is no other religion out there that appeals to me more, I am a Mormon…just not the same kind of Mormon I used to be. In some ways I’m glad I’m able to look at things with a more open mind…less fear that if I don’t embrace everything I hear I will be damned. But other times I just wish things would have gone as planned…like it is has for most of my family. Thank you all for your support, it has been a spiritual life line for me on my worst days. It defiantly had a negative feel to it. I’ve always avoided delving too deep in to church history because I was afraid of what I would find, but I think I need to so that I can make some judgements for myself. I’m so glad to have this sounding board, thank you to the beautiful people who created this site :clap: Thanks PiperAlpha & Thankful. I went to church today and left feeling fine. But as I meandered through facebook, I noticed a link called Mormon think…ever heard of it? I read some faith shaking articles about deceptions of Joseph Smith and others and feel sick all over again. Because if those things are true…than I can’t help but feel deceived. Part of me would be relieved if I could believe the church was a fraud and walk away…but I can’t walk away really. I am living in Ut surrounded by my ever faithful Mormon family…My Mom is a Saint, truly. And she loves this church and it would crush her if I left it. I know, I have to live for myself… not to please anyone else, but I’m not sure it would be worth it even if I feel convinced the church isn’t “true”. It has truth, and a lot of good to offer…my children are happy there and I’m careful to “debrief” them if their lesson is harsh or too black and white. This being easily “tossed to and fro” is exhausting, I’m fine and then I’m shaken…over and over again…year after year. I never thought I would be grateful for my husbands loss of faith in Mormonism, but he knows what I’m going through and is so supportive and loving. I will focus on that tonight…I am blessed with a wonderful marriage . Quote:so when you hear things in church that don’t fit with the kind of perfect love that God would possess, have confidence that divine love is greater than doctrine.
That feels right to me. When I focus on my faith in God I do feel much more at peace than when I focus on what I hear at church. I do hear lots’ of good at church too, I will work on focusing on what is uplifting…and then teach my children to do the same.
Roy ,thank you for sharing the experience you had with going to God with your concern about your baby, and eternal family’s. There is so much that we don’t know, I’m so glad you were able to take your questions to God and find an answer that brought you peace…experiences like that help keep me going when I’m feeling spiritually low.
pentium3
Thank you all for taking time to respond. I felt uplifted while reading the links provided. I don’t believe God is in the business of breaking up happy marriages…that is what I feel in my heart ( what I wish was taught at church). This weekend just took a toll on me, watching a loved one be sealed should have been a happier experience but sitting in the temple with my DH outside and listening to all the if’s and’s and but’s…caused my biggest concerns to resurface. I feel a little more hopeful, I still need to find a way to believe what feels right, and not let teachings that don’t ring true upset me. The all or nothing way of Mormonism is hard to shake, but I have to or I can’t stay Mormon and happy and I want to be both. Thank you all again for your support!
