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Hello Wendell…..sending hugs your way! Please don’t take this the wrong way, but I think you need to see a doctor. I am not a doctor, but I am a mother, and if you were my husband or son I would take you to the doctor. You need a complete physical so that a cause for your issues can be determined and a treatment plan enacted. I am not saying that the things you fear are not real, but so far nothing has made physical contact with you, so if nothing else, you need to get some help with sleeping. God bless! Hugs to you Tom. I grew up in a household where my parents never argued in front of us. I think that is good in some ways, but bad in others, because its just not natural. People argue sometimes, and how are children supposed to learn how to argue constructively if they never see it? Likewise, children need to see their parents’ successes as well as failings. That is how they learn how to deal with each. I can guarantee you, having once been a 16 year old girl, that teen age girls often lose control of their emotions. Seeing this happen in a trusted adult can help your daughter learn how to deal with it when it happens, as well as how to clean up afterwards.
Welcome Scott! This is the perfect place for you. Hugs to you and your DW. Let her know there alot of families just like yours. You can read my intro if you want, but our family situation is much like yours. 
Bruce in Montana is on a similar path as your DH. Bruce, any words? If its any consolation, my DH is on the road of disaffection, but maintains a buffet type membership in the church. I am active, believing LDS. I have been helped so much by these people. Welcome to the site, and I hope you can find some answers here.
The one bit of advice I would give is that you can love DH without making all the same choices he is making. You have to be yourself and let him be himself.
Thanks, and welcome, FIO! I think we are both lucky. I have to admit that DH’s disaffection has forced me to really think about marriage, both temporal and eternal. This thought process has led me to some interesting conclusions. I do not believe that we are sealed to each other at the time we kneel across the altar. I believe that after a lifetime together, each party has the right to “excercise” their “eternal option” and that is what makes or breaks the sealing. Think about it; newlyweds may have passion for one another, but they really don’t know each other. How can they truly make an eternal commitment? Likewise, how could any power in the universe unravel the ties that DH and I will spend our lives tightening? IMO, the real sealing power lies within our hearts. Practical Translation: I don’t want an eternal companion, I want MY companion ETERNALLY. I wish the same for everyone. Just an example: On election night, when Obama went over the top, DH and I sat staring at the television in awe. We live in a RED state, I mean RED. I had voted for Obama knowing that my vote wouldn’t count, but I was hopeful that the rest of the country would pull together.
Anyway, I started crying. I just couldn’t believe that a person of color had been elected president. I never thought I would see it in my lifetime, let alone before menopause! The truly wonderous part of it all was our DC. They couldn’t figure out why I was so overcome with emotion. They were like, “What’s the big deal? He’s just a guy.”
That was the moment I realized that my DC are color blind. DH and I had done something right! The same has proven true with other divisive issues. DC have friends with gay siblings or parents. Its just all becoming so mainstream. These issues will only divide the church if we let them. I am believing, but DH is disaffected.
I could have let that divide us, but I let him know that I wasn’t going anywhere❗ The same can be true with the church. If those with dissenting view points refuse to leave, then eventually their voices will be heard. Do I think the church will ever sanction gay marriage? No. But, I think a day of reconcilliation is coming. It starts with US. It can start right now.Prop 8…not my state. I live in a different city of trees! 
Hi George, I don’t have many answers. All I can say is that if I was in your ward, I would want you to stay. You sound nice. When our state was trying to pass a constitutional ban on gay marriages I refused to take part. In fact, I contributed funds to the fight against the constitutional ban. I wasn’t silent about how I felt, but I wasn’t shouting from the roof tops, either. It would have been totally cool to have one of the patriarchs in the ward agree with me.
I believe that a voice of charity, tolerance, and compassion is always welcome in the LDS conversation. Remember, WE are the church. Things are changing, it just takes time. But I think we will all be amazed at how the pace of change will speed up. The coming generations are totally digital. When they have questions they turn to google, not us. They are mere key strokes away from the good and bad of church history, sites like this, and many others. How comforting it would be to know that, after finding this info, they could turn to someone like you who has been there, done that, and can offer some perspective……..
Welcome ams! I have a 13 year old daughter. The number one quality I wish for in a YW leader is a love for the girls. Teenage years are hard and these kids need as many loving, supportive adults in their lives as they can get. I have NEVER asked a YW/YM leader to share their testimony with me. But, I do watch to see how they interact with the youth. If you love the girls, and serve to the best of your ability, then I would certainly welcome you as my DD’s YW leader. Keep in mind that EVERY member struggles with one issue or another. A “trial of faith”, which we are all destined to have at one time or another, wouldn’t be a trial if there wasn’t doubt, discovery, pain, etc.. Thank you so much for your willingness to serve the YW in your ward! Who knows, maybe you ARE my DD’s YW leader…….
I can so relate. When DH told me of his disaffection he had already read online about many TBM spouses leaving the newly disaffected H/W. He was really scared to tell me, but keeping it inside was tearing him apart. I know that DH will never see the church the same way again, and to be honest, neither will I. But thats ok. I love DH the way he is. I also love the church, but I can TOTALLY see DH’s point of view. I also know how much it would upset me if DH tried to force his beliefs on me. So, I try to be respectful, so does he. I think the hardest part for me (and maybe for your DW) was not knowing what would happen to our sealing. I have had to put that in the Lord’s hands. Its one of those things I cannot control. So, instead of poisoning my marriage now with anger over “broken covenants”, I just try to have faith that things will work out. If DW needs someone to talk to, she can pm me, either here or on FE. Are you in U.S.? I am so sorry that happened…Hugs to both you and DW. I think alot of TBM spouses freak out when their H/W loses their faith. I think my DH described my initial reaction as “going ape s**t”. I had so many questions, but didn’t know how to find the answers. So, I went online and found this site. It was a poster here that directed me to FE. I hope you can find some practical advice/information here. I also hope DW is doing ok…..
