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I believe that many local and general leaders of the church in the 60s, 70s, and 80s would have viewed this as incorrect and maybe even apostasy. An implication of this statement is that parts of what we have and do are wrong and need improvement. Yes, sometimes. I have a teenager at home who we have a good relationship with but he’s so busy we almost never see him. Two daughters in college who are super busy also. Church generally keeps me busy but there are times when the extra time is boring. One thing that I’ve been focusing on recently is physical activity. Not everyone enjoys it (my wife is a great example) but over the past 6 years I’ve become more and more physically fit. I’m in my mid 40s and I’m probably healthier now than I was in my 20s – and it’s fun. Perhaps you can find an activity that challenges you and which you enjoy. I cycle with a local group and have made a bunch of friends that way, and there is always an informal competition on the rides. I did my first triathlon this year, and facing your demons in the open water was a rush and scary as hell. But it can be anything – golf, tennis, running, boxing, hiking, pickleball.
Roy wrote:
2) Strong families! Nothing is perfect but the church emphasis on families combined with chastity and WoW tends to produce stronger families.3) community! The church becomes the nexus for those families to band together and serve one another.
For me Roy’s 2 and 3 summarize it well. My marriage and children are better off because of the Church. I have some real issues with the Church (capital C) but I genuinely love my ward. They are my 2nd family and in some ways I’m closer to them than my parents and siblings. I could ask for help and people would be on my doorstep in an hour. They drive me nuts sometimes but they are genuinely good people.
I would add that I received a quality church education for a fraction of the cost of my non-BYU alumni friends, and the professional network is pretty strong. My wife and I graduated with no undergraduate debt which was a huge blessing early in our marriage.
DoubtingTom wrote:
That’s not to say that I don’t see value in the community aspects of faith or religion. But as far as the beliefs go, I feel I was sort of deluding myself before and am now awake, so to speak.Have others felt this way? Are some still in this space?
I think I’m in a similar place to what you describe Tom. I *do* believe in physics… and entropy, which unfortunately means I believe we’re all part of a cosmic curiosity that will ultimately fade away. Put me more in the “hope” camp – that there is some benevolent god who cares about me and my kids. I do believe in being kind and trying to be legitimately happy and content and helping others get there.
This has been my space for several years now. I am uber active in the church and hold a local leadership calling, and I don’t teach anything I don’t believe. Sometimes it feels strange to be a humanist, sometimes deist, sometimes atheist Mormon. I do see value in the community aspect of the church. Most of my friends and family are here and it’s my tribe.
To answer your question about whether you should move because someone says so – my opinion is to do what makes you happy – nobody has the answers for you except for you.
My brother in law who lives about 1 mile from Temple Square said the same thing: lots of changes coming. He also told me that 2 years ago. Unfortunately count me among the doubting. There may be one or two things that improve on the margins, but with the whole name change thing a few weeks ago, that’s the sort of changes I expect to be announced.
I would
loveto be wrong. Hi all, My stake has been doing this for at least 7 years, so it may be more widespread than thought. My stake certainly isn’t on the cutting edge of women’s issues.
RR
wrote:
There was a guy who completed suicide in my building, within the first two weeks of my time at BYU. It was AMAZING how well they covered it up.
While I think BYU has some maturing to do, my experience with this subject while at BYU was different. A guy in our same dorm complex committed suicide and parents were notified by letter (this was before email) and it was brought up at church and discussed. I felt at the time, and still do, that they did a credible job of trying to help us cope and also understand that suicide is a not a good solution, no matter how much pressure we feel.
That being said, I don’t know how it’s been treated in the last 20 years.
I guess I realized that bishop roulette was a risk and that he could revoke an ecclesiastical endorsement at any time, but I surprised that it was verbally stated to just stay out of trouble. Like others have said it’s still victim blaming. Athlete privilege rankles me too. I live in Arizona, which is no Utah, and this made the morning news. The two news anchors respectfully asked “why?” In their view Mormon was simply an easy nickname and held no negative connotation. Interestingly they also said that many members of the church were questioning this decision and that they would interview some members about it. That being said I understand the desire to not be called Mormons, especially in contrast to polygamists. I had an argument with my very orthodox brother in law one time when I explained that the term “Mormons” is non-technical and a fairly general term for anyone who believes in the Book of Mormon, including polygamists. He got pretty upset, but the bottom line is that although the LDS church is the largest, there are many denominations who claim to be Mormon. The snarky side of me says if the Almighty didn’t want us to be called LDS or Mormons He should have given His church a simpler name. If something has a long name humans will shorten it. SamBee wrote:
Roadrunner wrote:
Recently a young man in my ward decided to serve in the military instead of a mission. I had encouraged him to do either one and they are both honorable decisions.
Are they?
In an effort to not derail the thread, I won’t respond directly other than saying that many people in my area of the US believe the military to be highly honorable and a selfless way to serve others (which I generally agree with). It’s in that context that I replied because it’s remarkable that someone in my stake and with a air force base within my ward boundaries – with a family member joining the military – would apologize for not serving a mission. My goal in my response was put the father at ease because he should be proud that his son is trying to serve a higher cause.
Coincidentally, just this week I’ve had two different parents ask me to start mission papers on behalf of prospective missionaries. My answer is a patient “no – he or she needs to do it himself.” I make it easy to do but they have to take the first step.
Recently a young man in my ward decided to serve in the military instead of a mission. I had encouraged him to do either one and they are both honorable decisions. After he left his father one Sunday approached me and apologized to me that his son hadn’t served a mission. My first reaction was – wow I hope I didn’t inadvertently pressure him to serve a mission. The second reaction, and what I told his dad was “you have nothing to apologize for and you should be very proud.”
It says something about our culture when a dad whose son joined the marines has to apologize to a ward leader for the honorable and responsible decision of his son.
The SP should have stayed out of it – if it’s a genuine issue the RS President would probably make a great mediator and help come up with a mutually agreeable solution. Breast feeding doesn’t have to be a spectacle and can be done discretely almost anywhere. Most men I know don’t consider breast feeding particularly arousing; I’m not sure why it’s even an issue. That being said on my mission in Guatemala one of the first Sundays I was there a young woman, probably 18ish, practically removed her entire shirt to breast feed in Sacrament Meeting and I couldn’t help but stare at first. Nobody else batted an eye – it’s mostly about cultural norms and expectations.
Hello Amy, When I was at BYU probably 60% of my friends didn’t do homework on Sundays. That leaves a lot of people, including me, who did homework on the Sabbath. I was in a major that was difficult for me and I felt that if I skipped studying on Sundays that I was way too stressed the rest of the week. However, I tried to not study with others on Sunday so that I wouldn’t take up their time.
When I attended graduate school on the east coast I found out quickly that for most of my classmates they preferred to have fun on Saturdays and study on Sundays. It was difficult initially to tell them I wouldn’t study on Sundays during church but it got easier – I would just tell them I have obligations Sunday mornings. Sometimes they would act annoyed but I eventually decided their schedules weren’t more important than mine, so I would meet them after church to study or for group projects because I had no choice.
I echo DJ’s thoughts and really believe it’s up to you, and if you decide to study on Sundays I hope you don’t feel guilty about it. The older I get the more I believe life is about balance, and any time we place too much importance anything something else worthy and important suffers.
