[shethinksdeep]

dande48 wrote:

I’ll have to check out that John Turner book, sometime. Thanks LH.

It might be hard to dig into BY the same way as Bushman delved into JS with “A Rough Stone Rolling”. Joseph Smith was a complicated, hard to figure out man. A lot of his history is jumbled together from obscure accounts, and a lot of events are hard to make heads or tails of. With Brigham Young, a lot of information is out there, indesputible and plain to see. I don’t think any further research would change my mind on his character.

It sounds like the Turner book is the way to go, thanks!

[shethinksdeep]

LookingHard wrote:

I asked this some time ago in an online group and was told there wasn’t exactly a “Brigham Young” equivalent of RSR,

It was suggested “Brigham Young: Pioneer Prophet – John Turner”, but I have not read it. It is on my list, but I have lost interest in really digging into BY as I just don’t care for him as to me he didn’t seem to be very caring of others and had an extremely high opinion of himself and his abilities. (biting my tongue not to compare him to any current political leaders – dang, I bit so hard my tongue is bleeding 🙄 ).

I can relate. I haven’t really dug deep into Brigham Young yet either, but I figured its about time, and that I ought to in order to have a better understanding of how he influenced the trajectory of the church. I will add your book suggestion to my list. Thank you so much – I appreciate it!

[shethinksdeep]

SilentDawning wrote:

Sounds like you are stuck then. Try memorizing credit card numbers, phone numbers, and even scriptures that are cool. There have to be a couple you like. Put them on a note card and learn them backwards and forwards. Even great quotes from spiritual people. Quick glqance every now and then until you get them.

😆 I could learn my ABC’s backwards… you may be on to something!

[shethinksdeep]

nibbler wrote:

My main struggle is with boredom. I’ve heard all the orthodox comments, I expect them, with the way the lessons are presented there’s little to no opportunity to make comments. My challenge is convincing myself why I need to be in there listening.

Indeed. I mostly keep going for my family, but I need to find more internal/personal reasons for going as well. I think that could be the missing piece (and the underlying issue).

SilentDawning wrote:

My answer is that your hubby isn’t with you in RS is he? Do it there. Look forward to it. If my wife disapproved I would likely not read or do anything that bothered her, but she doesn’t seem to care…

My calling takes up the third hour, otherwise I would. However, my calling is the most tolerable part of the block, so for now it works. If/when I get released though… :thumbup:

[shethinksdeep]

SilentDawning wrote:

A well charged handheld device with lots of good books on it is good.

[…]

For someone reason, a book you are reading is ostentatious. But a handheld device, no — could be the scriptures, a hymn book or something else.

Thanks for your comment Silent Dawning! I love to read, so the idea of reading on a device actually sounds heavenly, but my husband gets discouraged if I appear to be “giving up” or “checking out”… so for the meetings we sit together on, I am not sure that would work best in our circumstance – he would see that I wasnt paying attention. Either that, or I need to practice not caring what people think so much and hope he is just grateful I am there and making an attempt. I used to bring a sketch pad with me and found it helpful to scribble away my negative feelings. One can doodle and listen at the same time, so it may be a good compromise. I need to consider starting that back up again. However, I still like the idea of actually being able to tune it all out with a book! :think:

[shethinksdeep]

I struggle going as well – Sunday School is the hardest for me. For those of you that still go and have found a way to find it more uplifting and edifying than not (or at least tolerable)… what is your secret? How do you blow off comments, judgments, and false/embellished/mystical accounts? How do you not worry that the comments they are sharing about doubters, celestial marriages, etc isn’t causing worry for your TBM spouse sitting next to you? How do you not interpret some comments as judgment against you (if they only knew)? How have you found the ability to go with a positive attitude? To be able to leave church with peace and feeling uplifted rather than shamed or emotionally and spiritually depleted?

[shethinksdeep]

I got my diath’s pierced on both sides over a year ago for this reason. For the first few months I swore it worked like magic, but they started coming back and I don’t see any correlation anymore. However, I know people who have been able to maintain being pain free for the long-term, so either it can work for some, or they have a stronger placebo effect than I did. 😆

Here are my thoughts…

Many people have sensitivities to metals, but there are titanium and stainless steel options to help with the reactions. She could try that out prior to getting a new piercing to see if that solves the redness you spoke of first. If she can’t tolerate the metals then she probably shouldnt consider this piercing.

I worried that this piercing was a hoax, but most chronic pain sufferers would try almost anything to stop the pain, so I figured what the heck. Even though this piercing didn’t work for me, it was still worth the try. Your out $50-$100 (depending if you do one or both sides) and if it doesn’t work and/or you hate them you can always remove the earrings. Personally, I think they are cute, so I left mine in (I am a rebel).

My experience at church wasn’t as bad as I feared – I was expecting some judgment. I found that many had already heard about the piercing for migraines, and (at least to my face) all comments were positive when I first sported them at church.

Caffeine is my BEST FRIEND – tell your wife to embrace it as the medicine God intended it to be! I have struggled with migraines for about 12 years now, and about 5 years into it I tried Excederine and a whole new world opened up for me – plain ol’ Tylenol, Ibruprophin, etc do nothing by themself, but combined with a Coke it can take the edge off to make life more bearable. Ice and peppermint oil also are good friends of mine. They are not cures, but they do take the edge off while still cold/tingly.

Anyways, I hope this helps! Let me know if you have any other questions.

[shethinksdeep]

mom3 wrote:

If you need, start a private journal of thoughts you wish you could wish share with her. Someday down the road you may get to. But you writing/typing it out allows it to still be in your relationship. In the journal express how scared you are. Your sorrows for both of you. Your dreams for just one day. No more than that.

I really love this. ^ This is something I have only recently started to do and it has been helpful so far.

When I initially had my first crack, talking with my husband was disastrous. For roughly a decade I went through a period of never uttering another word to try and keep the peace. It was easier to go silent, and I am pretty sure it saved our marriage – we weren’t ready to talk about it. It was necessary for then, but took its toll on me. Only in the last few months have I began to open back up and it is going so much better this time around. We have both matured a lot sense then. However, I am taking things slow, and am still very filtered and careful in what I choose to say because I don’t want to dump everything on my husband at once and freak him out.

I have had chronic headaches all along this journey, and its been hitting me more and more that holding in my thoughts and feelings has manifested as tension in my body. After realizing this likely connection, I have decided to try and journal my raw thoughts as a way to empty my mind and purge what is in there without fear of being judged or moving too quick. I think this will also help in reconstructing what my beliefs are so that when the hard discussions do come up (hopefully by working through all of this on paper) I will be able to verbally express what I believe, think, and feel more effectively. I have only been journaling for a short amount of time, but I am feeling hopeful that it will be a great help (even if its not the cure for my headaches).

[shethinksdeep]

Katzpur wrote:

I’m sorry, that whole rant was probably unnecessary, and maybe I’m being as judgmental as either of the two people I gave as examples. I just wish I could feel that I belong. I don’t seem to fit into the Mormon culture at all (or maybe it’s the Utah Mormon culture; I don’t know). Anyway, any comments would be appreciated, and if I have just over-reacted, you can tell me that, too. It probably won’t make me feel any worse than I already do. Somehow, though, I feel as if, among this particular group of people, I’ll find someone who would have felt the same way I did.

You are absolutely not alone, and I think you would be surprised how many in your own ward even feel the same way as you. I think its easy to think that were alone, but I think thats largely because we don’t dare talk to others and find other like minded people among us. This is largely due to culture, but it also keeps us safe because it can make life an absolute mess for us (shunning and gossip or unwanted meetings) if we disclose too much to the wrong people and it gets around. And that is why I have stayed silent and suffered alone all these years. Sometimes I wish I knew others who think and feel like me though… it would be so great to sit down with someone who understands and relates.

Sunday school is the worst for me. Some of the comments really strike nerves with me, or I get bored, or tired of some of the rationalizations and half-truths. Just this Sunday I took a small notepad with me and drew in it, and it really helped. I don’t know why I havent tried that sooner. I find that when I start feeling that way that I tend to want to fidget a bit, and drawing gave me that permission to “fidget” (or scribble out my frustration) while still looking like I was paying attention. I thought I would mention it in case you want to give it a try and see if it helps you in those moments.

I came across a blog post not too long ago that you may really enjoy – I think it relates:

https://faithfulexpansions.wordpress.com/2017/08/06/the-pain-of-the-sister-in-the-pew-next-to-you/

[Author]

Posts