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I’m also a teacher of adults in the Church. And yes, I run into lesson topics that I don’t fully accept, or have little testimony of, but just do out of duty. I’m also a full-time teacher of adults. So I know that if I’m not excited about the topic, this will make for a dull lesson for the class members. For these topics, I often ask someone to take the lesson for me and get a Sunday off from teaching. Or, just skip that particular lesson and save it for a time when its convenient for my family to go away for the weekend.
Alternatively, I’ve been known to make up a list of questions that need to be answered about the topic, with scriptures and page numbers from the manual as references. Put these on paper and have one set of printed questions for each member of the class. Then, put everyone in small groups, making sure a seasoned member of the Church is in each group, and let them work through the questions. Also, at the end of the questions, put a question where you encourage the groups to share experiences about the topic that were personal or meaningful, with their group.
At the end, ask each group to share one key point they learned from the exercise to bring some closure.
That way you don’t have to share your opinions, and let the group members teach each other. It also breaks up the delivery of the class from week to week, makes it more interesting, and gives more people a chance to speak.
Wow cwald — that’s a pretty long list of terms. I don’t necessarily disagree, although as a priesthood leader I’d be a bit frustrated with some of the things you you are willing or not willing to to do. But I guess that would be my frustration to deal with and not yours. I’m not sure I can go that far in my quest for getting my desires to serve in a hefty calling back again though.
But I too have fallen into wearing a blue shirt because it makes me feel like an individual and because I see no point to the white shirt franchise. I also don’t attend Stake meetings unless the topic is something I expect to benefit me given in advance. I used to send my assistants to stake leadership meetings and ask for a summary. This was due to heavy work commitments. Usually they would come back and say “The Stake President wants us to create a culture of unity in our quorum” or some other one liner that was the point of the meeting.
And that was the most they got out of it. It wasn’t worth the hour and a half drive across town and the two hours of meetings for that one message — which I got handily from my assistants. I too only go to the temple occasionally, although I have a temple recommend, partly because I find aspects of the ceremony physically uncomfortable. These things make being a member more palatable to me.
One thing I learned, too, that when being a priesthood leader, there are times when you have to respectfully assert yourself to the people you report to. They don’t always ask for reasonable or even practical things. I think I may keep that one in my list of things to implement when I eventually return to priesthood leadership again.
Thanks for both of those answers above. They make sense to me, even though they conflict with the “never say no to a calling” culture that sometimes permeates Wards and Stakes. I’m not sure I agree with it anymore, favoring your own responses above. One thing concerning me is that due to the fall in house prices, a lot of really good families are moving out of our Ward now, leaving gaping holes in the Ward leadership — lots of them — in almost every single quorum and auxiliary. And there aren’t many people to take on those callings. I’m sure I’m going to get tapped to take on something more substantial than my Rest & Relaxation calling as a Sunday School teacher (it’s important, but not taxing in any way, almost like retirement given what I’ve experienced in the past) as a result in the coming months.
After my last calling, I’m starting to believe that if you don’t protect your family’s interests, or your own well-being, no one else will do it for you. As you say, you have to prioritize. — and when you do put forward great sacrifice for long periods of time in a taxing calling, you can’t look forward to the day when you’re released with heartfelt thanks. This doesn’t always come from priesthood leaders who are busy and struggling themselves.
I personally like the time I have to spend all day on Saturday with my kids, to pursue a hobby, and to be relieved of the frustrations of priesthood leadership for a while.
Also, do you think it will be appropriate when the leaders try to call me to another position of responsibility at some point, to share my frustrations with how I was released (or, WASN’T released) and its impact on my desire to serve going forward? Also expressing hope the time will come when I would like to have a position of responsbility again in the future, if asked? Or would this be considered apostate and dismissed?
You said above that you have to tell your leaders what’s going on in your mind as they aren’t mind-readers, and I see this as one way of helping them see the impact of their inaction on people’s willingness to serve in the future.
I wish I could read this in sacrament meeting. If I only I could substitute the word ‘butt” with something 😆 Interesting question. I think you’ll be spending all your time in service to others. I think a certain amount of time will be spent building new worlds and in administration. There are times when I’ve wondered if I even want to be there if it’s going to be like that 24/7. I’ve had periods when I’ve worked myself to the point of burnout in the Church while juggling other responsibilities and I’m not sure I could handle it for eternity.
I just came through a hefty period of Church service and quite frankly, I was ready to be out of it for a while. So, I wonder if we’ll get to the celestial kingdom and find we’d be happier in the telestial world?
Some of the courses I take as a student, I’m happy to get a “C” because I get a rest….we’re promised it’ll be a better world though….one thing you have to accept on faith.
I have another question — do you think the One Year Waiting Period might actually encourage non-member parents with member children to vote for a National Gay Marriage law? The reasons I ask is this — should gay marriage become national, this could eventually put Church leaders in a position where they can only marry people together civilly and legally if they do it for both gays and heterosexuals. In this case, the Church might respond by saying our leaders are no longer authorized to perform civil marriages of any kind. Or, the Church might refuse, in which case the government might revoke ministers of the LDS religion to perform civil marriages at all.
This would mean LDS couples would HAVE to get married civilly first, and then have a sealing afterwards, thus striking a balance between meeting the needs of non-member relatives, and the need for temple sealing, on the same day. Or do you think the average LDS person feeling consternation about the One Year Waiting Period would still vote out of obedience to Church leaders? If you don’t agree with the One Year Waiting Period, would you see voting for the National Gay Marriage law as a way of furthering the interests of non-member families to see their children married, without exclusion?
Here is how I receive answer to prayers: 1.
On very important issues, it’s been an overwhelming “baptism” of the Spirit which overcomes my body and makes it hard to move.It’s extremely intense to the point I can barely stand it, but it’s not frightening. Picture a million volts of electricity running through your body, but not hurting you in any way. This has happened to me twice in my lifetime when I asked questions about central beliefs, such as the existence of God and the truthfulness of the Church. Average time in divine connection was about 3 minutes, and when I stood up from the prayer, I felt as though I had almost come into the presence of God. Although I know I hadn’t, but the intensity of the spiritual feelings were undeniable certainly not something I produced myself. This convinces me the Church is true and to not forsake it, even when I’m treated terribly by others, see gaping holes in the policies of the Church, and other deterrents to my faith.
2.
On less important issues, I’ve had experiences where the same phrase beats itself into my head over and over again and I can’t stop it.The situation I’m referring to related to the childless state of my wife and I. The words, “I have to adopt” came to my mind over and over again and it was accompanied by strong spiritual feelings that brought tears to my eyes. 3.
When receiving revelation about scriptures, it’s a thought which, my mind “cathects” an idea(to use a Freudian term used to describe one’s attachment to another person they might be falling in love with). It’s as if my mind latches on to the thought. When I share it with others, they seem inspired by it. One case in point, I was reflecting on D&C 121 where it describes how those who use the priesthood properly find their kingdom will “flow unto them without compulsory means”. I was a priesthood leader at the time, and it dawned on me that this meant your entire stewardship is full of people who show intrinsic motivation — not compliant behavior born out of the promise of blessings or fear of punishment, but righteous behavior, or doing good, for its own sake alone.
It opened up the whole literature I’d read on managing change (particularly unfreezing other people’s non-acceptance of your ideas. It helped me motivate an entire quorum of men who had been underperformers for years to live the gospel of service for its own sake, and for the sake of their character.
4.
On two occasions, it was the voice of a woman or gentle man reassuring me or telling me not to worry about certain matters of prayer — once my unemployment.If you read in the first few verses of 3 Nephi Chapter 11, you read about how God’s voice sounded when He introduced the descent of His Son to the Nephites. This describes the voice I’ve heard in my mind, and it’s not my own (please don’t suggest meds for me!). Regarding the burning in the bosom, I’ve it’s been a mixed bag whether that works. There are times when I act on it and the action I take blows up in my face. Other times it leads to a dead-end. Other times nothing necessarly good happens, but I just feel good I acted on the decision I made using the burning in the bosom as its basis.
That’s how I get answers to my prayers.
I too get labelled an intellectual, So, I think I’m a good one to ask your question — what would I want? First, I’d want you to meet with me privately or with my wife also present if she too was intellectual, had concerns, and was willing. No meeting at the Church or public discussion in an existing class. The rule that you only provide faith-promoting dialogue at Church is too strong to allow for discussion of doubts or counterpoint, and would stunt conversation. I wouldn’t have any compunction about you asking to come over to see me in my own home, or inviting me over to your place.
Second, I’d like the conversation to allow me to discuss my concerns and positions on issues.
Third, I’d like to avoid all of the trite sayings and standard answers to hard questions that are void of critical thinking. I’d rather there was mutual exploration of the issue. I’d like to come away from the discussion with my mind expanded on issues and seeing more sides of the issue than I did before meeting with you.
Fourth, and this is a tough one, I’d like there to be some spirituality in the meeting. A prayer would be OK at some point in the meeting. Expressions of love and kindness would also be welcome. A discussion about people who were gay or feminist, and also happy in the Church, as well as their personal perspectives would be welcome, provided those perspectives avoided trite and shop-worn phrases that people use to placate issues that have difficult solutions.
Fifth — it would be OK if there were no conclusions drawn as a result of our meeting. And I’d hope you’d be satisfied if the meeting ended and I felt no differently about the issues than before you came. For me, the dawning of a new understanding would probably happen much later, after I had time to reflect on the issues and perspectives we shared.
The overarching benefit of your visit — relief from the brakes I feel the Church puts on our intellect and questioning in the name of obedience. Acceptance of questioning, affirmation of my acceptability in the Church as someone who questions policy, and stimulating conversation. A healthy dose of spiritual feelings during the meeting would also help.
Don’t ask for much, do I?
I was also disadvantaged by this one year waiting period policy. My family were somewhat against the Church, but only because they were born again/evangelical and had their share of Anti-Mormon literature. But they weren’t against me personally. But when they weren’t allowed in the temple, and I didn’t allow the civil marriage, that’s when their opposition turned from the Church, to me personally. My Dad expressed just how much the decision I made to go straight to the temple ceremony broke his heart. My sister tells me that event really created a stumblingblock for my parents to get over. And of course, it sealed their belief in the Church as an unhealthy controlling interest.
I haven’t really been part of the family for years now. They talk to me when I call, but never come to visit, and are very against the Church. I hear about events that go on and I’m not advised or invited. It also breaks meyheart, although they do communicate with me on non-Church matters if I reach out.
I honestly feel the One Year Waiting Period alienates non-member families when they could be made to feel more part of the union by at least having a civil ceremony first, and then the sealing on the same day. And the reason — that the sanctity of the temple is paramount, is weak symbolism in my view for the price paid by non-member families. For me, the sanctity and primacy of the temple sealing is found in the fact that you have to have a temple recommend, only temple recommend holders can be there, and the overall experience of the temple. Also, the fact that the cermony is for eternity. The civil ceremony doesn’t hold a candle to it, so a civil ceremony in no way besmirches the sealing ceremony, in my view.
The actual exclusion of family members only puts a blemish on the day. The ring ceremony was a bit of an insult to my parents, and so we didn’t have one because they rejected the idea.
Also, the policy that you have to choose between a temple marriage now or a civil marriage followed by the waiting period later, also introduces risk that people who opt for a civil wedding to respect their parents, won’t get married in the temple at all.
Everyone knows the first year of marriage can be tough with some couples, notwithstanding the great love they may feel when married. In our case, a physical problem developed in the first year of marriage that lasted over a decade; we could’ve had our marriage annulled. But we had made an eternal commitment and stuck it out, and eventually overcame the problem. If we had’ve gone with the civil ceremony, we both believe we would’ve divorced, the problem was so great. The One Year Waiting Period introduced a bad choice option (delaying temple marriage) that may well have destroyed our relationship had we chosen it to make our non-member parents happy. And for me, it’s an unnecessary risk.
I see the policy as potentially destructive and definitely a hindrance to bringing to pass the immortality and eternal life of man due to a) the way it alienates non-member families from the Church who might otherwise remain friendly to the church and b) the way it introduces the risk of never going to the temple for marriage in couples who have unexpected problems that develop during the One Year Waiting Period.
I accept it on faith, but it’s one policy that really disturbs me. I hope it changes eventually……
Do you think it would help if a person wrote to Salt Lake on this issue, or would it simply be deemed apostate and generate a form letter. We don’t usually object to policies in the Church, given the stressing of obedience, so I wonder if the letter would be worth the time invested.
