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Hi. When I talked about inherent racism, I was meaning that the BofM reflected the racial mores of the early 1800s rather than those of the time of the Book of Mormon. I find that the descriptions of the Lamanites as wild and ferocious in Alma 17 mirror the prevalant views about native americans among whites in the 1820s. Again, reading the book ‘1491’ really educated me about the complexity of culture and the intellectual and technical achievements of peoples in the Americas. Understanding that applying current attitudes and morales to another time is a mistake, it still concerns me that these racial attitudes are included as part of God’s teachings through inspired prophets via holy scripture. On a side note, I find it interesting that we do apply our current attitudes to our interpretations of the past: I mean, you didn’t see any polygamy, poor grooming, coffee drinking or tobacco use in the movie ‘Legacy’ did you? Yet, this all existed during the crossing of the plains. Only characters who are cleaned up and made to fit out current concept of Mormonism were included in the movie’s cast, so that it doesn’t antagonize our sense of self or cause confusion to the outside world. “Legacy” as with many church productions, cannot be viewed as accurate history. They are primarily a marketing tool. Most of the outward characteristics of how we currently perceive ourselves as Mormons: conservative dress and grooming and Word of Wisdom focus for example, was instituted during Heber J. Grant’s tenure. Heber J. Grant was a practicing polygamist, long after the manifesto, and this too assaults our sense of ‘mormon-ness’, and is never included in any church education materials.
I know exactly how you feel. My wife struggles with severe and chronic depression. Meds helped for a while, but now all they do is keep her from totally crashing. There is never a modicum of wellness, and the meds bring their own side affects with them. Our RS leadership knew enough of a problem exists in the ward that it would be good to try and help people gain awareness, so, they had a really good speaker come for a fifth Sunday presentation. The presentation went well, but afterwards it was just a joke to many of the ward members. I heard lots of guffaws in several meetings, both open meetings and in ward correlation. This is kind of hard to take when you live with someone with the life-threatening condition of depression. It’s just as life-threatening as cancer or heart disease, only it’s not visible and it’s not accepted.
Even when people know there is a problem, they can’t talk about it. We’ve had many home teachers, visiting teachers and bishops who were aware, but just skirt the issue. I know they are not prepared to deal with it. I don’t think there is a way they can deal with it. I was an Executive Secretary for a bishop and we had a person with some mental health issues come in and talk to him. Apparently the experience didn’t go so well, because the bishop informed me that he never wanted to talk to this person without her spouse present again. I kind of knew where we stood after that and haven’t mentioned it much.
I have not found a lot of support within the church, but we found some peace and assistance in a good counselor. She really helped me understand that my role is as caregiver, that I need to nurture myself, and that it’s in the best long-term interests of my family for me to do so. I have had to come to the realization that I can’t accept really heavy callings, because of the caregiver load, and that it’s not particularly productive to try and explain it to leadeship, but I’ve gotten to a point of being comfortable with my course. She also taught me a lot about what useful guilt is and what useless guilt is. I also learned about the grieving process (from a lost expectation of life) and how to work to come to grips with new expectations.
We have always struggled with the faith, prayer and read the scriptures solution to mental illness, which is so often proffered as the foolproof answer to everything by leadership. Done it for years and things just get worse. If I dig down deep inside of me, it is perhaps one of the roots of my reaons for being here on this site. I don’t feel a lot of answers have come other than this is our problem for life and we’re going to have to deal with it.
I guess one thing that helps is just knowing you are not alone, in fact, as I get older and more experienced, I see that mental illness is actually very prevelant and problem for many families. Hang in there.
Thanks for the many kind words, and I apologize for being slow to respond. My spare time, like many others is quite limited. I am taking the advice and after a cursory look, found Jim Fowler’s theory very helpful. I talked about a lot of negatives in my original post, but I do know that living the precepts of the gospel is a powerful tool towards successful living. I think that one of the things new converts get from membership and the teachings is the ability to move away from faulty and failure-prone behaviors and practices, which so much of the world engages in. So, here are some positives: I am grateful that the W of W has kept me from many dangers, I am faithful home teacher and have found some great relationships and rewards in that calling, I fully enjoy service projects, and working in our Stake Orchard, I love the principle of lay clergy, I know a lot of people stuggle with church leadership, but I know that they are just regular people who didn’t ask for that role and are trying to make a go of it and at least they are not in it for the money. While there is a lot of ignorance in the church, and smug satisfaction in that ignorance and what I call ‘thinking in a trench’, there are really a lot of wonderful church members who are truly trying to live Christlike lives.
I definitely understand the potential impacts to my wife and children were I to leave the church. The question for me probabaly going to be is how to learn to live within the church and Utah Culture and not drive myself crazy.
Interesting posts. Through some very good private counseling, I have learned a couple of things in recent months that have really helped me. I don’t believe they are at odds with church teachings, but they are at odds with common perception and church practice.
The first thing is learning the ability to disconnect, that is, to understand what your sphere of responsibility is and act on that alone. At some point, our children’s problems, and yes, they all have problems, are their own challenges that God gave them. There comes a point that it’s not our job as parents to fix those problems. The same applies to parents, siblings, friends, etc.
Now here’s the concept that I had never thought of, and that is, that the act of disconnecting is actually an act of great faith. It means that we trust and acknowledge that God is in charge. I was brought up in the culture that said that we are responsible for everyone and everything and I found out that I had spent most of life in a miserable world of guilt. No one can really succeed when he/she feels guilt about every little thing they are not doing or feeling guilty for things that are outside their control and responsibility. How many mothers have you seen drive themselves crazy because their son didn’t go on a mission, or their daughter didn’t marry in the temple? The point is, that while that may not be what want, it is their issue, and if we can disconnect, we can find peace through faith in a greater plan.
Now here is the other great thing I learned, and it’s tied in to this whole ‘try to be perfect thing’. The principle is that we don’t have to go around apologizing for ‘being only human’, or in other words, spend out whole lives feeling guilty because we have shortcomings. The fact is, that we are human, BECAUSE GOD MADE US THAT WAY!!! I don’t mean to say we can’t improve, or work towards perfection, but I do think many of us, and myself especially, spent a lot of wasted effort feeling guilty about stupid things. Guilt is an energy robber. If there are serious things that we feel guilty about, things that hurt others, then the usefulness of guilt is as a motivator for change. If we just feel general overwhelming guilt, then something is wrong and it’s not productive. Acknowledging and accepting and rejoicing in our humanity is, I think, another act of faith. God loves us as we are, why can’t we love us as we are? Again, I think this a culture shift from our general practice, but I don’t think it’s anti-doctrinal in any way.
Anyway, just my thoughts; hope they are helpful.
My concern and suspsicion is that in practicing a form of sexual dominance, Joseph Smith was acting in a manner common to many leaders of charismatic sects. There is very often an insatiable sexual component to the charismatic kinds of leaders. I think at its root was a need to make ‘acceptable’ the desires and actions he took, starting with Fanny Alger, by making it something biblical. Lots of interesting posts. I certainly don’t feel like I can bring these things up, even with my bishop, and I don’t feel like I can say much in Priesthood or Sunday School, for reasons cautioned in the staylds home page. Frankly very few bishops have enough understanding of church history to even grasp some of this. I’m sure the response would be to delve and find out if there is any sin in my life that has caused this apostacy. There is simply no forum for a reasoned discussion and always an assumption of guilt per many talks I have heard in conference.
I find the dismissal of academics as troublesome. It is automatically relagated to the ‘ever learning and never coming to a knowledge of the truth’ category.
I remember a couple of years ago, a young wife in the ward expressed how she wished that her husband could be as romantic and caring as Joseph had been with Emma. While I don’t doubt Joseph’s feelings for her, I think much of the romance this woman was referencing was the victorian prose in use at the time. I seriously doubt that anyone would be knowingly choose to be treated in total as Emma was, both while by Joseph while he was alive and by the church leadership after the martyrdom. I have the same thoughts as I see the Joseph and Emma sculpture at the Temple Square complex.
I stay quiet, because of the stigma associated with ‘troublemakers’, and I don’t want my wife and kids to have to deal with that. Also, I do understand that while I’m church, I’m on their nickel and they have every right to determine what is taught and discussed.
