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mackay, I feel like you and I are in very similar situations. I am desperately trying to find ways to stay, but it is becoming more difficult with each testimony meeting, and/or Sunday school lesson. I keep hoping I’ll hear something that will uplift me, but the orthodoxy and “one true church” mindset from all the other ward members is starting to take its toll on me. I want to hold on for as long as I can, and I would like to baptize my youngest next summer, but after that, I just don’t know.
My wife (with whom I shared my faith crisis two months ago) is now completely disaffected, and has decided to go inactive. I completely support her decision, because for her, it is the healthier decision. We’re also to the point that we have to explain to our kids that Mom doesn’t go to church, Dad does, and we’re both still good people. The lessons they’ll learn in primary won’t accommodate this philosophy, which further complicates things. I have to take it one week at a time, I guess.
Thanks for this post. It has definitely been helpful to me.
Thanks for the input. It is so nice to get genuine articulate responses to actual concerns. I think the key is to allow input from both faith and reason; to use both tools to the extent that we can, and then it should be our CONSCIENCE that makes sense of the answer we get. That’s my philosophy for now anyways. It’s good to finally “meet” some of you. One of the reasons I want to make the church work for me is because I have so many fond memories in this church. I’ve been lucky enough to have great bishops, leaders, and teachers. This culture has provided me friendship and fellowship I don’t think I could find anywhere else. For these reasons, I still consider the church “true” for myself. At this point in my life, I’m not ready to abandon all of this.
That being said, I want to be able to reach out to others within the church who haven’t been so lucky. Some of you have had such rocky journeys; my heart goes out to you. I really think I’ve become more compassionate by reading your stories. Thanks for sharing your experiences.
