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DT – I’m glad your SP allowed you to baptize/confirm your son. It’s unfortunate the hoops that have to be jumped through to participate sometimes.
Back in the beginning of the year, after multiple conversations with my Bishop, he wouldn’t let me bless our new son. He did give me multiple opportunities to express “hope” but it felt disingenuous to my own journey to do so (I’m only saying this because had I expressed your level of faith and willingness to be orthopraxic in my religious practice I think he would have been ecstatic, so I’m surprised your Bishop/SP weren’t more willing to work with you up-front).
Anyway, the experience was the catalyst I needed to step away. Unfortunately these milestone might get more difficult in the future, but hopefully your local leadership will be willing to work with you and accept you as you are.
Good luck!
Caveat: I no longer attend (I guess I’m now inactive) I have really found a lot to like in Noah Rasheta’s approach (Secular Buddhism). I have friends who are in similar positions to you (still attend but are having to create their own meaning) who have also found a good approach and a way to forge some meaningful through what Noah shares. The quote on his website from the Dalai Lama is a great place to start:
Quote:“Do not try to use what you learn from Buddhism TO BE A BUDDHIST use it to be a better whatever-you-already-are.”
– Dalai Lama
Best of luck –
SBRed
Welcome! You’re story sounds similar to mine. Cerebral, didn’t really have much of a connection to God and Jesus, and I distinctly remember the moment I asked myself “What if it’s not true”?
I don’t post here much any longer but I found this space to be a lifeline in the early part of my faith transition. Lots of great folks on the board.
I’m sorry Joni. I don’t know that my comments regarding god would be welcome here,or this next comment but the mods can remove it if they like: please don’t pay tithing on your unemployment checks. I don’t know what church protocol is, nor do I care, but your family needs that money right now and if the whole gospel of prosperity formula actually worked the real miracle would have been your husband not losing his jobs.
Please take care of yourself and your family.
We have a similar situation where I live. Our city is one area where our Stake is growing the most, housing development is going gangbusters, and our large city is growing and expanding and with it increased employment opportunities. Yet, there are a few buildings on the outskirts that qualify to be within the 30 minute range, but are pretty far away for everyone who lives right where the growth is highest, and despite multiple pleas from stake leadership, the church does not want to build a building.
When I took our area 70 around a year ago he talked about the increase cost of the missionary program, without yielding additional results, and that a lot of the money is being used to fund growth in other countries where baptismal rates are higher and the church is growing.
It is an interesting thing to consider, especially here in the South, where there are a lot of churches. People don’t normally drive 30-40 minutes to church in more urban areas.
I have thought for a while that the church could probably grown in areas like mine if they built a church, but with a more YMCA style of platform. Have a church, but put in a local gym, have pre-school, use the premises for community events, integrate into the community. But alas, I don’t think it will ever happen.
Hi Syme – I don’t visit or post in here often anymore, but your story struck a chord with me.
When I was newly married I was in a spot where I needed some comfort about my place in the universe. I prayed, much like you, harder and more openly than I ever had…and silence. It scared me, seriously freaked me out.
10 years later, I consider myself agnostic, I don’t really worry about whether there is a God or not. I figure if there is one, he loves us and will do right in the end, if there isn’t, well then when I’m dead it won’t matter anymore. Not exactly the most comforting thought probably, but my larger point is, right now the questions are consuming you, but it gets better. The existential angst may not leave entirely, but you will figure out a way to deal with it, make sense of it, work with it, and forge a new path forward.
That path may be in mormonism, it may not (mine is currently a path of disengagement), but either way, you will get to own it. Hang on until you graduate, and then if you feel you need to, take a sabbatical, explore some different religions, see how feel, reevaluate, and then move forward from there.
Best of luck,
SBRed
We had out HT’s over on Sunday and they showed the video. I really liked it. Even though I have no belief in a divine Jesus, the message I though was really powerful: that regardless of our circumstance we can help others, brighten their day, help with their burdens. Good stuff.
The part that annoys me is when my ward creates a FB page and Instagram account to “show” how we are being a Light to the World; just sort of seems to defeat the purpose to me, and then it makes it seem that these messages and videos are just gimmicky missionary programs, which I despise.
I’ll try to live the message this holiday season, and leave it at that.
While I was on the HC I didn’t sign up or go to tithing settlement. The first time I got a panicked voice mail from one of the members of the SP that I needed to complete tithing settlement because members of the HC have to be declared tithe payers. I called my Bishop and did it over the phone. It took 3 minutes.
The next year I just emailed my Bishop. I plan on doing the same this year.
Technically, per the Church’s definition, I would probably not be considered a full tither payer, however according to my definition, I believe I am. I’m still mulling over which definition I should go with and which answer to provide.
Great advice here! A couple of observations from my own journey:
1) While processing I wanted to vent and purge and talk Mormonism all the time…all the time. As I have moved past that phase into a healthier and more peaceful co-existence with Mormonism I am glad I didn’t post a coming out letter or have a sit down with my leadership. I have moved into a much more live and let live phase.
2) I am not out with parents yet, but I know that conversation is coming because I am currently on sabbatical, which I think will turn into an indefinite hiatus. I still hang out with Mormons, have lunch with friends. I don’t ever bring up church anymore. I have been asked a few times, “What’s your calling now?” by a few friends. And inevitably they want to understand why I haven’t had a calling for 6 months after being on the High Council and I simply respond: “I’m on sabbatical”. If they want more I simply shrug my shoulders and say: “It’s not really working for me right now.” If anyone wants more information after that I’m happy to discuss, but nobody has really wanted to get any further down the discussion path. I have found that to be a pretty good approach. Sometimes I want people to ask about my church attendance so I can tell them I am on sabbatical so I can air it out, but I don’t push it because I realize that’s about me and not anyone else.
Per your desire to live more authentically, if you want to dress differently or just live as you want, just do it. Don’t worry about what other people will think. Have a smile ready in case you see anyone, have kind words ready, a compliment, ask them about their kids or whatever. People may judge you, may not want to talk to anymore or be your friend, but that means they weren’t really a true friend to begin with. If it’s family you are worried about that adds another element, and you will have to judge what approach might be best.
Anyway, all the best on the journey.
Check out Mormon Spectrum, they have a variety of different groups around the country with people who have been through or are going through what you are going through. Just FYI, I imagine some of the groups will be much more ex-Mormon/post-Mormon and so you may have to reach out to some of the group admins to get a feel for how the groups are. It’s been helpful where I am to spend time with other people who get your story. (sorry not sure if that site is acceptable to reference here)
LH – I’m glad many here are staying and choosing to attempt to help (DW is one of those. We have a transgender youth in our ward and DW is in YW and feels she needs to be there to help this particular person).
I, on the other hand, have chosen to take a sabbatical for the rest of the year (and probably indefinitely after that. I really don’t miss it).
Do what you feel you need to do. Stay if you feel its the right thing, take a break if you feel you need some space. We are all on our own journey.
Same, really enjoyed the conversation. The part they didn’t get to, which is the part I struggle with, is how to co-exist in such different paradigms? Especially when one paradigm dominates and doesn’t seem to be much interested in self-examination or dialogue. I think most of us would welcome that kind of interaction at church, but it doesn’t seem to be something that has been or will be acceptable in the future.
