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It sounds like your mom needs to read all the church essays. And I don’t mean to sound flip about it, but she sounds a lot like my mother in law that constantly worries about her grandchildren if they don’t go on missions or marry in the temple. She has anxiety and gets depressed and lives for the church. I honestly think it’d be good for these people to see some flaws in the church, if only to see why some make the choices they do. Countrygirl444, I’m going through the same thing, but have been married 30 years in the church and raised/raising 5 children, temple recommend holder (now expired), always with a calling, and dedicated visiting teacher (until recently) etc. I’ve had a faith crisis going on 8 or so years now. I’ve stayed but it hasn’t been easy. I feel like it was a part of my identity too and think I was pretty good at it. Now I don’t participate other than helping a Special Needs young man in Primary and attend Sac. Meeting. It’s been a lonely road since I hold back now in case I might spread the germ of unbelief somewhere. It is the worst time I’ve ever had while on this earth, so bad that I’ve thought of ending it. Something needs to be done to address the thousands of members in our same boat, if not then that’s just inhumane. I know I sound like I’m taking this way too serious to some that can just walk away. But when it’s your identity, how do you just walk away? Where does one walk to? So I hear you so very well, I wish I had answers. I guess we just need to support on places like this until someone comes up with a solution. If you want you could try Fair Mormon Support and visit their forum there. They might be able to help also. Welcome though and good luck!!!
I’ve struggled for nearly 8 years. It started out because of finding out about JS’s polygamy. Which led me to John Dehlin’s very first video, “Why People Leave” and it helped unfold my belief, how ironic that it’s something from JD’s FB feed that led you to a faith crisis. I guess “Stay LDS” is great to help one stay, but totally strange that JD puts the video out that can be a cause for disbelief, when all the problems are laid out, along with the Mormonstories podcasts. They’re great for people like me at this stage, nearly total unbelief in the church. But not so much the newest doubter. But I can say that about FairMormon, or back when it was FairLDS. I saw more on that that broke my shelf it seemed. All I can say is good luck, and maybe you’ll be smarter than I’ve been and pick a side, not straddle the fence, so as to not become obsessed in a bad way with all things Mormon. My heart really does go out to you and my fellow strugglers.
Hi Bill, I feel your pain and respect all you are doing to ease the pain of others through your Mormondiscussions podcasts to your words here. It’s an honor to have known you through the discussion boards and podcasts you speak on. I’d say more but am on my phone, and having trouble typing my post.
I was thinking about this just this morning. Whomever, can change the flow in church. Presidencies are created by the top, but in those presidencies come different opinions, they decide who to call to the various callings, with the ok from the bishop. They decide what kinds of activities will happen, whether service oriented or not. So whatever calling you have under someone, means you are ensnared in their ideas and goals, or someone in the presidency. It might be wonderful, but then again it might not, and just busy work. But I guess that’s how all of life is. I guess it’s up to us to figure out if we want to give up a part of our lives for it. I haven’t read through all of the posts, so maybe someone answered the way I’m going to. My husband and I pay once a year in full at tithing settlement. We started doing this about two years ago. So far no one has said we shouldn’t. We still received our recommends. But currently they are expired. Is there somewhere in the church handbook that says that one needs to pay their tithing in increments or immediately upon receiving their paychecks. I don’t know of anything. I think you’ll be fine to just pay any that you missed when you’re able. ETA: Or do what your heart tells you. Your thoughts about going to the temple made me think. My TR expired a few months ago and it has been the longest I’ve gone without, in fact I procasted so long about getting one that I’m now going to miss my nephews temple ceremony next Thursday since it dawned on me that this Sunday is Father’s Day so I doubt very much they’ll be interviewing, darn! About someone stating they like the term ward as in hospital I’d say in my crazy world I probably need to be in a hospital “mental ward”.
I’m going to sound like a “Jesus Lover” here. But why are we worried about people in the ward so much instead of just focusing on Him! It seems like this church puts family and “wards” far above the Saviour. I wish our block was shorter. And not so much correlation but more worship through songs and scripture of Him. But I know I’d need to go to another faith to get that on Sunday. pas2111 wrote:Hi all,
I’ve been struggling with my faith transition for just about a year now. This site and the great advice and perspectives on it have been very helpful.
One of the things I saw once on a list of how to handle faith transitions (I think it was on this site) was “Take it slow.” The idea is not to rush out and tell everyone at church or in your family/friend network that you’re having doubts. I took that advice to heart and haven’t talked to anyone except my very supportive wife (who went through a similar transition unbeknownst to me about three to six months before I started).
The question I need help with now is: When is the appropriate time to start sharing with others that you’re having a faith transition/crisis? My faith in the church has plummeted over the last six months, despite my honest efforts to hold it up, to re-think it, to revise it, and to re-form it. It’s turning out to be a much harder process than I thought. I don’t think I can keep up the status quo facade for much longer, particularly because I was called to be the ward mission leader a few months into my transition. My poor bishop thinks I’m the guy who’s going to re-vitalize missionary work in our ward, when the truth is that right now I couldn’t honestly recommend to anyone that they join the church, I’m thinking about not attending at all any more, and I have many days when I wish I had never been Mormon at all. At what point does it become dishonest to keep going? I realize now that I should have turned the calling down but, ironically, I accepted it in part because I didn’t want to draw attention to my faith crisis. But now it doesn’t seem fair to him or me to keep up with the current arrangement.
Thanks in advance for your thoughts,
p
You are so not alone! I finally had to tell my bishop of my faith crisis after being called to teach Primary! I knew it would be too difficult to bear testimony of the lesson, so I finally had to tell my bishop my problem. He has been so understanding, he is now my Stake President. I’m now coming to the point that I don’t know if I should renew my recommend. It’s a very difficult road to be on. But by telling the bishop, I don’t think he will tell many people, but then again I don’t know what goes on in ward Council meetings these days. My husband is sort of on the same page as I am, so luckily I’m not battling him now, we did in the beginning. I’m glad your wife is aware and has been through it too, so she can understand. Good luck, wish there were perfect answers.Old-Timer wrote:I think modern nineteen-year-old women going on missions, by and large, will wear and view the garment very differently than many of their earlier, older-when-endowed-to-get-married predecessors did. Without getting explicit, my oldest daughter is nothing like her grandmothers and mother when it comes to this topic (or, really, underwear as a general topic) – and I don’t think she’s alone in that. My second daughter is more conservative when it comes to lots of things than her older sister, but numbers three and four are more like the oldest. I doubt it will cross their minds (or, at least, stay in their minds) to see the garment in the same way their fore-mothers did.
I see a lot of cultural changes coming in the next couple of leadership generations.
Do you think they emphasise more now than say in the 70’s and 80’s on modesty, therefore the younger generation will already be use to the “no shoulders seen” mentality. So garments will be a walk in the park for them? I think this generation coming up might just be the chosen generation we keep hearing about.hawkgrrrl wrote:momto11 – a couple quick comments. I think it’s been a while since you wore “regular” underwear – some of the more recent styles do not hav elastic touching the skin anywhere and are quite comfortable. There have been advances in the last few years in styles and comfort. However, I also feel garments are mostly comfortable. I don’t experience many of the issues other women described because I’m tall and average build and not very busty. My sister who is 6 inches shorter than I am and a hundred pounds heavier has had some issues with them, but she loves them and doesn’t want to go without.
As to the over/under question with the bra, the instruction used to be to wear the bra over the garments, but this is no longer the case. Newly endowed women are told either over or under is fine. This is just an instruction matrons in the temple seem to make up based on their own understanding. There is nothing in writing on it anywhere.
I like wearing my garment bottoms because they are like the biker shorts or they have some lycra in them. The older garment use to ride up my leg and I was constantly pulling them down, they’d crawl ride up and feel like big ole granny underwear. So it was heaven sent for me to wear the newer ones. But the top that is similar is suffocating to me. I bought two of them, and they sit in my drawer. I think I could buy bottoms that aren’t temple garments at the store, but they look more like a girdle (I don’t know how long I’ll be wearing garments). If I stop one day, it would be nice to keep wearing the bottoms similar to what I have in the garments. Also, I love wearing my bra over my garment top because then if I sweat or something then my bra doesn’t get stinky or dirty. Not to gross you out. So one day I’d need to find something to replace that also. Oh, but I wouldn’t miss the constant tugging at my garment top so it won’t be seen. I wear pretty modest shirts and the neckline isn’t low, it’s the sides of the shirt neckline, that my garments stick out that drives me crazy, I’m paranoid anyway though. I forgot what it was like when I didn’t wear garments.MayB wrote:My faith crisis is relatively new, just five months, but it does often feel like it consumes my life. I’ve been searching and reading and pondering everything I can get my hands on and my emotions have been all over the map. When I see my husband at the end of the day I have to fight the desire to unload on him all of the things that I’ve learned, especially those that are particularly troubling.
On the other hand, I’m also starting to see the world with new eyes and better appreciate what I have. I feel like I’m actually using the intellect that God gave me to sort through things and to enhance my individual spiritual development rather than simply relying on whatever is being spewed from the pulpit on Sunday. In that sense, I feel that I am living more than I was before. I also have a new appreciation for my relationship with my husband and my children and realizing that I have the freedom and power to help my children understand that not everything taught at church may be right.
I hope I can continue to balance things out and that the period of intense information overload is behind me.
MayB
That was me at the beginning, unloading things on my husband and trying to get answers, thereby bringing up stuff he had no clue of…I still feel a little guilty for starting us both out on this painful road, but hopefully it’ll make us both better people. I know some of my former relationships with people that aren’t active are much better. I now feel more open to them, then before, before I’d feel like there was something blocking it, maybe it was my sense that they might feel I’m different then them, or even that they think I’m better have more truth than them. Well, we LDS do preach that we have the truth don’t we? So that shackle fell off as soon as my eyes were opened. It is a breath of fresh air to feel like I’m one of everyone else, instead of a select group. I doubt anyone else put themselves in a bubble like that and isolated themselves, I’m kind of strange. I didn’t do it because I thought I was better, I did it because I thought they thought I thought I was better, crazy I know. Sorry for the ramble. I actually rambled on your Introductions post but then lost it on my computer! Maybe that was a good thing.mom3 wrote:This is a general question, not a judgement of anyone. The past six years in our home the faith crisis events have taken over our lives. First the shock that what you thought you knew – may not be what you think you know. Then the avalanche of discovery on topics you hadn’t even thought about (for each person this is different – ploygamy didn’t upend me but it does others, etc.) Then because you were broadsided with all of this you crumble, wallow, get lost, get angry etc. It’s a wretched grief that doesn’t instantly go away. Pretty soon you realize how many years have gone by, how much time you gave to the process –
My question is “Does a Faith Crisis make people myopic?”
For me it did. It encompassed every minute of every day. I am not sure I am pleased with this discovery. I only get one life and for me I retreated from living because I was afraid. All my certainty was shaken. I quit giving to others. I listened and engaged only in conversations that interested me. I was anxious to give my answer, my response, my interpretation.
A decade or more ago I bought Tuesdays with Morrie. I loved it’s message. I dragged it out a few months ago – if his spiritual premise is right, I have been wasting mountains of time and missing out on the best of life – all for the pursuit of certainty.
I am glad for my faith crisis. I don’t see it as a waste. The light that burns in me, however big or small, is really mine now. I’ve searched, read, debated, rejected and settled on principles that resonate with my soul. It is a living testimony. I am glad for the treasure it brought. But I wonder is there a way to go through the crisis and not lose the other important connection that is vital – living. What do you think?
I totally resonate with what you’re saying, and it’s mostly my experience too. Even the 6 yr. mark and my obsession with knowing if it’s true. I haven’t read Tuesdays With Morrie but my MIL did and loved it, she’s a total TBM. I do believe that to lose your testimony is maybe a way to find one either better or more authentic. I’m still trudging along in my pursuit. It is a time waster, and I don’t see that I’m any better for all of it. I even see that I’ve changed so much I don’t recognise my former self so I need to come up with a new me to replace it. But it’s difficult when someone has been living their life according to a certain style and then to have it all come to an abrupt halt and then have your eyes opened, it’s very difficult. Some people like us usually quit the church by now. But why do we keep at it? I even let my relationship with my kids go by the wayside all in an effort to know what’s true. Why did I let my religion consume me? Or the finding out consume me? Of course you did state that now you don’t think it a waste, hopefully I’ll be able to say the same one day. I wonder how many of us are out there and doing the same thing. Are we all too worried about how we’re going to be treated if we’re honest? Wouldn’t it be a grand world to just be ourselves and come what may? I love the church mostly for the good morals etc. and the people are wonderful, but there is a line that needs to drawn, the one that says it should be this way or the highway. I wish everyone could live more authentically. They wouldn’t even need a board like this to vent on. I think I need to buy that book Tuesdays with Morrie, maybe it’ll help me too.
I watched a MS podcast the other day where something was brought up, to the effect of the church leadership are all very different in their opinions, and if you get all of them together inparticular the 12, they’ll all think different things. John Dehlin said he got this after a visit with one of the GA’s. Therefore, we should remember we can be different from one another. We don’t all have to enjoy the temple, even though it’s drilled into us. We don’t have to wear the garments if you don’t feel right. They are needed if you want a TR, but since you don’t care to go, don’t. And have a talk with your mom, tell her what’s in your heart. I remember a neighbor from years ago, who wouldn’t go to the temple. She was worthy in every way. All her children married in the temple. Her husband was in the bishopric at the time and when it was temple night she wouldn’t go. I never heard why not, but it was accepted that Merry didn’t go to the temple. So like her you could fess up on that and just shine where you are comfortable, you can in every way be Christlike or charitable, loving, everything the first two commandments mention without going to the temple. Your family will see that the world won’t cave in if you don’t go. My nephew is getting married next month in the temple, and my TR has expired. I don’t know what to do and most of my family don’t know I’m struggling so much with the faith. So do I get a TR or not? So I know what you’re going through. It’s not everyone’s cup of tea.
