[TSW]

Thanks for your input. it really is that bad,and I’ve had $1000’s of therapy to try to help me change myself or at least my attitude. My kids are grown so there will be some ?’s from them, but no real impact. My husband isn’t willing to stay if he asks to be released. He doesn’t want to deal with the questions. I told him to blame me,because that is the truth, but he’s not comfortable with that. We realize we will have to be really careful what we say and keep it short. We havent totally figured it out yet.we didn’t pay top $ for our house so we think we can sell for at least what we paid.

I do keep asking myself if it is that bad, but I cry almost everyday, I’ve lost 20 lbs., And like I said the sun just came out again after 12 months. I realize it’s not rational, but if it’s my reality how long should I suffer? I really think the only way I could stay is lots and lots of Prozac.

Do you ever think sometimes your are just too traumatized to be able to work on improving yourself. I feel like if I get away from the situation I might have a chance. It’s possible it’s all in my mind, but it is my mind.

TSW

[TSW]

Thanks so much for your responses. Hopefully with time I will be able to take some of your advice and implement it into my life. Right now I’m too angry. I need to listen to the advice that “you don’t need to take up arms” because I really want to. I’m also not convinced that “gently and consistently” questioning assumptions with the church really does any good. SD mentioned that I could try to focus on some of the changes in the handbook like the ward council being the driving body of the ward now and that the “lucky” Relief Society President gets to go to PEC. I just see this as window dressing with no real change. My husband would be the first to tell you that the ward council doesn’t run the ward. Also, If you look at the ward council its made up of – Bishopbric (3 men), executive secretary (can’t be a woman), ward clerks (2-4 can’t be a woman), SS President (can’t be a woman), ward mission leader (can’t be a woman), high council rep (a man), HP leader, EQ Pres. YM Pres, and then RS Pres, YW Pres, and Primary Pres (many men would be great here if we weren’t already so male heavy). Even if the ward council did run the ward the ratio of men to women isn’t even close. What do you think of the following ideas for the structure of a ward:

Bishop & Bishop’s wife (both called like with a Mission President)- I discuss below how having a female counterpart to the Bishop might be helpful to the young women in the ward. However, I wonder if the ward couldn’t be run just by a council with a rotating head council designation. I don’t like how the concept of Bishop is seen as above the rest of the ward. This may seem stupid, but even the fact that the Bishobric sits on the stand every SUnday seems to elevate them above everyone else. Why not make the announcements and then come sit with the common folk. I like to believe the Savior would be sitting in the congregation with His mother.

Ward Council – made up of equal number men and women. The council could discuss who was available to fill callings and then the leaders of the various organizations could ask people if they would serve. This could even work in replacing the leaders ( I realize now that many of the men’s callings come from the stake). The leaders could then really be responsible for those they are serving. The Primary President could interview the 8 year olds for baptism, the young men and young women could be taught that their leaders are the ones that can be inspired to help them with their concerns. This could be true for the other organizations too. If you don’t think it is a good idea for people to go to their individual leaders with the problems, maybe we should have a female and male therapist assigned to each ward who is trained to really help. Right now we are taught that the Bishop is the one who is inspired for us and we should take all our problems to him. I just don’t see the need for funneling everyone to the one who is supposed to be “The Man”. I believe that the YM & YW leaders are just as likely to be inspired about the lives of the youth. Actually, I believe that we are all more likely to be inspired for our own lives ( I am currently struggling here, but I hope that somehow I can begin to feel God’s inspiration in my life. I have never been very good at it).

Many people really believe that the Bishop has more access to God than they do. They actually come and ask to know what God wants them to do, rather than trust that they can find out from God themselves. I believe this is another downside of having one person be “it”. Another interesting note is that under the current system the YM feel comfortable coming to talk to the Bishop if they have concerns, but the YW don’t. I think it is just too awkward for them to bring problems to a man. My husband has tried to get to know them better by attending lessons and activities, but had no luck. He maintains a texting relationship with the Young Men, but feels like its not really appropriate to do that with the Young Women. He is also more tapped into the YM (because the church tells him to be and…) because he is trying to make sure they advance to the Melchezidek Priesthood and get their mission papers in. There are no similar milestones for the YW when they leave High School. If the Bishop’s wife were actually called as a female version of Bishop, or the culture was to go to your Young Women leaders, I think it would be much better for the young girls.

The rest of this isn’t really about ward structue, but still things i wonder about. We are all taught to pay our tithing, do we really need to sit in front of a man every year to say that we did? We all know what is required to be temple worthy do we really need to promise 2 different men that we are doing those things? People who aren’t worthy, but want to go to the temple for an event or to save face just lie anyway. I know we would have to find a way to keep out those who want to do harm, but we could figure it out. We all know we should be compassionate and help the less fortunate. Do we really need to give our offerings to a man to decide how to help people? I just wonder if this shouldn’t be between each of us and God.

I’m sure you have lots of reasons why the above ideas wouldn’t work, but it might make for interesting discussion. Thanks!

TSW

[TSW]

I am still smack dab in the middle of a crisis of faith, and I bought this book thinking it might help me improve my relationship with Christ. I too enjoyed “Believing Christ”, and at least found myself hoping that this approach might be true. Thanks for saving me from the damage I’m sure would have been done by my reading “Following Christ”. The last thing I need right now is more confirmation of Christ’s disappointment in me.

TSW

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