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This documentary was shown on British national TV last week. It follows the story of a young man into the mission field. It’s kind of a study in the influence a film maker and editor in shaping the final “feel” of a film. Everything was factual, but was made to seem a bit odd. Interesting tidbit I learned today: the Abrahamic test has been discussed so long and so thoroughly that it even has a name in Hebrew–The “Akedah” I believe that in many ways, we are still paying for the mistakes of Kirtland, Independence, and Nauvoo. And there was plenty of blame to go around. The exodus to Utah, and the ensuing years of conflict over polygamy. hardened the organization into a brittle, isolationist bunker mentality that prompts us to separate from the rest of humanity and purge ourselves with self-defeating witch hunts. The people are ready for some “meat”, starved after decades of milk and juvenile obedience-driven spirituality. As a people, we are ready for some growing pains. We need to put away the childish things, and face the dark closet of fear. We are ready to realize that there is no boogie man there–only our own childish fear. It’s time to “man up” and face the reality that spiritual things are nuanced, and there is no black-and-white. This includes the leaders of the church. They’ve done us no favors by creating a church full of fearful, guilt-ridden, personality-cult worshipping spiritual sycophants. We can be more. We can do more. We don’t need Moses to stand between us and God anymore. We are ready to be a kingdom of priests and priestesses.
Kate’s excommunication, although very painful, is just a drop in the bucket of the pain to come.
Growing pains are inevitable. We can be independent men and women of God if only we can let our fears allow us to see beyond the dogmas of the present. I believe Zion will be filled with the glorious diversity of God’s children, who are one not because they all think and look alike, but because our charity binds us together in spite of our differences.
The information age is here. We can grow up and accept our heritage, warts and all, or we can wallow in a dark corner of self-induced ignorance.
SD may be on to something. I struggled on my mission in large part because of the business-like approach. Because of my mindset, I thought I was the problem. It took me ten years to realize that buying and selling and money just wasn’t my thing, and that was OK. My spirit longs for a different way of distributing resources. Unfortunately “we are living in a material world.” I resent the monetization and commodification of the important things in life. Spirituality simply should not be commodified, and members and investigators should not be seen as commodities, or cogs in a machine, or whatever means-based paradigm is attempted. People should not be means to an end. This reminds me of Kant’s second categorical imperative:
Quote:“Act in such a way that you treat humanity, whether in your own person or in the person of any other, never merely as a means to an end, but always at the same time as an end.”
We need to get away from this idea that we were made to serve the church–the church was made for us, not the other way around.
I realize that it is natural to apply principles from our careers to other thing in life, and many church leaders are businessmen. But come on…
I…Love…Bob’s…Burgers. There. I said it. (Just the way Gene would)
Anyhow, had your husband ever asked you random questions before your FC? If he really has recently developed the habit, then the Church is definitely on his mind, and when he blurts out questions, you can probably bet he’s been thinking on it for some time.
I don’t know what the solution is. Perhaps married folks who have had similar experiences could give you some specific advice. Maybe you could sit down with him and verify whether he’s worried about your beliefs. Many here have advised simple sharing what you
dobelieve with others, rather than what you struggle to believe anymore, or just plain don’t believe. The positive approach. If he is worried about your beliefs, he may be relieved to know about what you do believe. Then again, I’m not married, so…
“Hello! It’s nice to see you. How are you doing?” Quote:From my own experience I was very annoyed at “We’ve missed you.” If you missed me that much, why didn’t you call, email, or otherwise acknowledge it in the last 10 years?
This.
I’m using Dragon Naturally Speaking. Unfortunately, it is native to PC, so if you have a Mac, you’ll have to settle for a much more limited version. Here’s an interesting timeline on a great website: http://www.nomorestrangers.org/timeline-of-mormon-thinking-about-homosexuality/ This is actually the first issue that triggered my disaffection with the Church. Nibbler, the picture isbleak. It doesn’t have to be, but it is. The following is descriptive–it does not represent my view of how things should be, but how they are. The problem of single men in the church stems from a key aspect of Mormon theology–the importance of eternal marriage and childbirth to seal and perpetuate the the plan of salvation. Because it is so fundamental, there is a lot of cultural pressure and baggage associated with it. If you are an unmarried woman, you are pitied (because women are not to act in this process, but be acted upon). If you are a man, heaven help you. You have turned down the greatest blessing of Mormonism, and since you have rejected the greater law, you will not be eligible to receive the greater light. This is why men who have “rejected” marriage by not marrying before they turn 30 are not allowed to be temple workers (with the exception of veil work). It is a punitive measure.
Temple marriage and childbearing/rearing is a fundamental part of
the Mormon social contract. Everyone is expected to get with the plan. If a person violates this contract in some way (fornication, adultery, homosexuality, not marrying before age 25, not having children), that person is rejected from the community, sometimes subtly, and sometimes in a public and overt way. Marriage is synonymous with maturity and adulthood. If you aren’t married, you aren’t really considered to be an adult–you are something in between adolescent and adult. Additionally, a married woman with children is considered to be more grown-up and wiser than a woman with no children.
Because of the things above, single people, LGBT folks, divorcees, and the infertile have a
bigproblem. They can get with the program, endure second-class status, or leave. Some married folks with children are very kind and try to do what they can to alleviate the problems above. But things won’t really change until the social contract changes. We need to teach our children and each other that there are many acceptable life paths. But I think leaders are deathly afraid that if they do that, fewer people will marry and have children. I disagree with that analysis. I think people who want to marry will do so, and that people who want children will have them.
Anyway the point is this: singles are generally treated poorly by the system, and leaving is the option most take.
BTW, I think marriage to nonmembers needs to be considered as an acceptable option for many people.
I know how difficult it is to be alone, so I empathize with your situation. Free advice is worth as much as you paid for it. But here goes.
I think you need to be true to your own beliefs. Being married to a woman who might expect X, Y, and Z from you when it comes to the church might create problems down the line. You’ve read people’s stories here and on NOM.
Are you going to grad school? Are you going back to CA? The dating pool is much better in grad school for an intelligent person.
I’m sorry for the pain you’ve felt over her. Date someone who is crazy about you.
I hope this isn’t offensive.
PS Go Utes
I’d like an In n Out Burger, animal style, and some fries done “well”. Oh and a Coke. It’s just off Tropicana Ave. I would rather be called by my first name, e.g. Brother J***, or Sister B***. It’s much more intimate and seems to hearken back to the early church. I once asked someone in my current ward if they knew the first name of a person who they associated with in the ward for years, and they didn’t know anything but the last name. What a shame. I wonder how much of the Brother Last Name and Sister Last Name has to do with teaching children to show respect to adults by calling them by their last name.
John is finishing his doctorate and moving on to the next phase in his life. Maybe it’s a good time to move on in other ways. He could leave Cache Valley, which might make a big difference if he decides to live and attend church somewhere less…intense. Either way, I am grateful for Mormon Stories, and I am hopeful that the results of his PhD research will lead to some policy changes re LGBT issues and the church.
