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DarkJedi wrote:

hawkgrrrl wrote:

Honestly, I think she should just be supportive and let her go. Just as we might say we shouldn’t force, coerce or pressure someone to go, likewise, (IMO) we shouldn’t try to talk someone out of going, almost no matter their stated reasons. Again, it’s just my opinion.

I was having lunch with a friend who no longer attends church, and we were talking about our missions. We both agreed that it was a remarkable experience to really help people who were in many cases on the margins or down & out, and the church for those people (or even just interacting with us as missionaries) really did, even temporarily, have a very positive effect for these people.

Oh, and the CES letter is just beside the point. Speaking as someone who served a mission, it’s not about tapirs being horses or even Joseph Smith’s wives. It’s about the people we find and how we help them.

^What she said.

I’m a male who didn’t serve a mission because I didn’t want to, much to the chagrin of my family. That said, I still agree with these fine folks above me.

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Heber13 wrote:

I did the dating thing for a couple years after my divorce, so granted it is a little different age group I was in…late 30s to mid 40s…but I was surprised a bit with what my experience was.

Wow Heber, thanks for the essay! No sarcasm in that statement.

It’s comforting to hear that there is a good mix of people out there and I’m not all alone. I just wish people would be a little bit more upfront about where they stand instead of appearing to be TBM’s on the outside.

I’ll have to think about how to convey the message to someone that I’m not orthodox yet not come across as the just looking for the hook-up type. I mean, I guess there are those types out there but trying to find hook-ups on a mormon site seems a little strange when there are plenty of other places to get those types of interactions if you so choose.

I’m definitely not the overbearing, lets hash out lds doctrine from the get go type. I just want to make sure I can find someone who accepts me for me. I’m not looking for a duplicate either. I have no problem with someone that has different views than mine and can challenge me or make me see things from a different perspective. That’s something that is needed in life and I find those conversations interesting. Somebody who is open-minded and accepting is all I’m really asking. I know that can be a tall order sometimes.

It sounds like you have a great relationship and if I was going to try and describe what I wanted better, what you’re describing is probably not much different than I would say I want.

I agree that religion is only a part of me. I just get the feeling from profiles that for a lot it completely defines them but maybe that’s just the TBM vibe I’m seeing.

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DoubtingTom wrote:

So, with that said, where would I start such a search? That is the golden question, isn’t it? The last time I was in the dating scene most people still didn’t have cell phones. How times have changed! I would consider dating sites, but not necessarily limit it to just LDS ones. And for the LDS ones, I would be upfront and honest about my faith journey so there wouldn’t be unrealistic expectations. But I would also consider other non-LDS sites. And I think today, the kids are into other ways to meet like Tinder and such.

The thought of dating again terrifies me, but in some ways, I envy your position.

My two cents and good luck!

That’s pretty much it. Where would I be able to find such a person? I’m not really sure. I’d wager there is no good answer except don’t limit yourself.

Don’t forget the grass is always greener on the other side. I hope you and your spouse can find an acceptable compromise (if that’s the right word) on both ends and be happy with where the other person is.

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LookingHard wrote:

Reuben wrote:

+1 on being authentic.

If you don’t want to come right out and say what you don’t believe, you could try using a shibboleth to attract those who think in a more nuanced way. Mention Sunstone or Dialogue, how you love the works of Quinn, etc. If you want to swing apostate by trying to snag a closet exmo, say you love riding your tapir or mention second Saturday.

If you are female you could just show a bare shoulder on your profile pic. That will set off alarm bells.

I think I have seen tapir t-shirts. That might do the job.

Rueben – I have no idea what the tapir reference or second saturday mean. :wtf: That’s ok because I don’t want somebody who is totally disillusioned or has that angry exmormon attitude.

I’ve actually been really surprised at how many women have posted pics in tank tops. There isn’t a ton but I’ve seen more than a few. Granted it’s usually from hiking or some other physical activity. But others look like everyday type shots. I think I’m pretty much done wearing garments personally except for in places I need/should to so somebody who gets that is a must. I’m sure the average woman dislikes garments more than men so that might help a little. haha

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You’re not getting my hopes up, no worries.

I’m more just kinda browsing right now. I’m so busy with school and may or may not stay in AZ when I graduate. More people my age are locked in to where they live with careers or kids so now isn’t the best time to be looking for a serious relationship anyways.

Good point. I’m sure there are those people. Just makes it hard to decipher who they might be unfortunately.

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Yeah, I don’t want to marry a TBM, that’s why I feel like options are very limited. It wouldn’t be fair to them and I want someone who can accept me for who I am and can accept the views I have. It wouldn’t be a good fit for either of us. I don’t want it to be a source of contention.

I did try to join a local facebook group in AZ that I might fit in with but my request to join has been ignored. :problem: I’m guessing it’s because I don’t really participate in social media and I have no postings/pics on FB but just use it to follow a couple different groups.

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Old Timer wrote:

The one thing that has helped me avoid burnout the most is a commitment to the following maxim:

Quote:

If they call me, they get me.

Welcome to the site Mag51. Hope you can find what you are looking for here.

Granted this is back when I was more of a TBM but sometimes this is easier said than done. I was varsity scout coach for about 5 years or so and went through a lot of different assistants but 90% of the time if I didn’t show up for the kids, no one would be there. Nobody was reliable. So you have to step up and do what needs to be done otherwise you’re letting the kids down.

I’ve never been bishop (nor ever will be) but I’ve seen how much work it can take and it’s easy to see how you can get burned out.

Between weekly scout/mutual meetings, sunday lessons, camping trips, monthly stake scouting meetings, baptisms for the dead, quorum presidency meetings, young mens presidency meetings, key scouters meetings, court of honors, board of reviews, etc, etc I was just completely done at the end of it.

My father was either bishop or SP my entire childhood and because we lived in a huge stake (geographically) where other branches were 1-6 hours away I never saw him on sunday. Usually he’d have to leave saturday night and come home very late sunday. I can’t help but feel some resentment about that. I don’t blame him because he was doing what he thought was right but the church always seemed to come before family. There needs to be a better balance for bishops and SP’s.

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Reuben wrote:

My only questions have to do with making it work in this life. How dependent are you on him? Do you have a current skill set you can use to make money? Do you trust him to come through on support payments? Will he co-parent the children?

I”m sorry you are going through this. I have just a few quick comments although some of it’s more or less been said already.

Most church people you talk to, especially the SP will tell you to stay together and work things out. Those are their opinions, nothing more. You are the only one that can decide when enough is enough.

People will say, God doesn’t want families to break up. Well does God want marriages to be like the one you (and so many others) are living? Of course not.

As far as the questions above, as I have had to ask myself similar questions somewhat recently, I decided those were very poor reasons for staying in a marriage. Often times it’s just easiest to stay where you are rather than making life harder. But eventually, if you make the right decisions, things will get better.

If for some reason you do decide to stay in the marriage I would sit down and figure out where the real issues lie. Unless there are other unknown addictions affecting his behavior, fixing the marriage won’t be as simple as living closer geographically. Read the books the 5 love languages and His Needs, Her Needs. Read them together. Figure out what is missing and what can be fixed and improved on.

I truly wish you the best in whatever you decide.

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http://www.mormonnewsroom.org/article/questions-answers-changes-young-men-program

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Hey, there is nothing wrong with broccoli!

I guess I’m considered a lurker at this point. I’ve got accounts on forum that are 10 years old that I visit on a weekly if not almost daily basis and have <500 posts. Unlike others, my online persona is no different than the real me. I prefer to sit back and listen to/read the conversation than to actually participate. Many times I'll find myself starting to write a reply and then just hitting the back button or erasing it. I guess most of the time I feel it's really not all that important or necessary.

I like being able to read others opinions, whether or not they jive with my own, have my own thoughts challenged and see things in a different light. I don’t necessarily need to be an active participant to receive all that. I know if everyone were like me there would be no forum. I’m grateful for those of you who do participate. Kind of hypocritical, I know.

Sometimes just the affirmation that I’m not the only one who feels some way about a certain issue is all I need, again no participation required from me.

Edit: I actually have quite a few posts here considering my short amount of time and compared to my post counts on other forums.

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I never saw it as a gateway to leaving. The purpose of this forum was definitely what i needed. I was never here for long or a super active poster (my norm for all forums) but this place helped me see things better and how to deal with them. Also some one on one conversations through PM with people who could empathize with me helped immensely. I still read from time to time but right now I’m battling depression, trying to come to terms with the fact that what I’ve done leaves me almost no future for a family/relationship and struggle through engineering school. I still go to church but it’s at 9 and half the time I can’t drag myself out of bed even though I just lay there til noon.

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Good for you. I hope you can make this go somewhere.

I recently switched wards and am meeting with my bishop regularly and think I’m going to be more open with him about where I stand. He doesn’t seem like the critical, judgemental type.

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Does everyone in the meeting state what their addiction is and talk about it? I skimmed through the thread and didn’t see a definitive answer although I’m leaning towards yes based on replies.

In our stake they promote it quite a bit, or used to. They encouraged everyone to attend even if they didn’t have an addiction. Seems like you’d run into people you know and then your secret is out to everyone. My parents teach it in their area, I don’t know much about it though.

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I think there is lots of good advice in this thread so I won’t say too much.

I just have to say I think we all need to chill and give it some time and see what happens. I’ve heard some absolutely ridiculous things over the last couple weeks from liberal friends who act like the world is going to end since trump was elected. It’s not! If you listened to the far right 8 years ago you’d have heard some of the same things when obama got elected. People literally thought the US wasn’t going to last 4 years while obama was in office yet somehow it managed to survive 8 and it’s still plugging along.

I’m probably considered far right by many on this board when it comes to certain topics yet I can still be open minded enough to have issues with the way the church handles things, from LGBT issues, a racist history, gender inequalities, etc. And I can still get along with people who disagree with me.

I find most people are either single issue voters or are truly very uninformed when it comes to voting, even though they feel informed, because their head is full of misinformation spread by the media and internet. We just need to remember that people did what they thought was right, even if it goes against what you believe to be right. If we just continue to get more divisive with every election I don’t see how things are ever going to get better.

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Ann wrote:

unsure wrote:

Tuesday we talked briefly about the difference between “eternal truths” and “church administration or policy”, I forget the exact wordage for the latter. Anyways there was a list of things like doing xyz to get to celestial kingdom, blacks not having priesthood, etc. At the end a girl asked where polygamy fit into that and he initially said he felt comfortable calling it either A or B, A being eternal truth and B being the other. He did expound some more and pretty much came around to it being just a policy at the time. His answer wasn’t perfect in my opinion but I was satisfied with what it ended up being. He did say we’d cover it more later so we’ll see. Wish I would have posted earlier so what was said was still fresh in my mind.

Sorry to see that nothing much has changed in Institute class re. this subject. But if you have time later to share the lessons that focus on this, I’d be interested. (I assume -?- you meant to say that the teacher did not feel comfortable calling it either A or B.)

Ann,

I’ve never been involved with institute or seminary really so I don’t know much of how things work or what was taught in the past.

We only finished lesson 1, are skipping lesson 2 til GC and are starting on lesson 3.

https://www.lds.org/manual/teachings-and-doctrine-of-the-book-of-mormon-teacher-manual?lang=eng

Also, nope, initially he said he WAS comfortable calling it either A or B. I clearly don’t agree with that and I’m not sure how you can make that connection but like I said I like OK with his final answer even though I don’t remember the exact wording. Whether or not he really sees it as something in the B category or was just saying that based on the vibe of the room, I’m not entirely sure. Like I said I’ll try and post sooner after class so I’m not muddying what is said with my own spin.

The topic was at the very beginning of the lesson and in my opinion doesn’t really fit with the lesson (BOM is another testament of JC) but it was more for setting the stage as an out for things people might disagree with? It was short, maybe 5 minutes and it hasn’t been talked about since then.

[Author]

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