[wendell]

just me wrote:

I’m so sorry he did that! My DH used to work as a nurse some Sundays and was in the military so he had drill on weekends. Our bishop (at the time) assured DH that it was not a sin and that some people do need to work on Sunday.

Police officers

Fire & Rescue

Hospital and nursing home staff

The people who worked last weekend to make sure General Conference was broadcast to the world.

The GA’s regularly fly on Sunday. By doing so they make use of the entire airline industry working on Sunday.

Probably Public Works-do our lights and water just work by magic on Sunday? I dunno.

All the soldiers who are far from home.

I am so very sorry that she is hurt and feeling bad now. She really should seek counsel from the Stake Pres. He may have a more understanding view.

Here’s what I believe about working on Sunday – It is not a sin. If it were, the church would not accept tithing from money earned on the Sabbath. Any bishop who claims differently is incorrect in my view.

Also, many other folks have to work on Sunday:

Dairy farmers have to milk their cows. If you drink milk, at least some of it was produced on the Sabbath. So…you are causing someone to work on Sunday.

Missionaries in the MTC like to eat on Sunday, and people get paid to prepare it.

Crops need water – even on the Sabbath.

Turning on your furnace and/or a.c. means somebody somewhere is working in a power plant.

Myriad other professions require Sunday work, and if people are too self-righteous to see it then they are living in la la land!

Rather than bishops and stake presidents criticizing people for working on the Sabbath, perhaps they should instead count their blessings that they don’t have to do so themselves.

[wendell]

Thank you all so much for your kind words. This has been, and will continue to be, a very difficult time in our lives, but I am dedicated to making it as simple as possible. I do not want to disrupt my childrens’ lives too much as they are all very involved in athletics, music, and education. So, we are going to take it slow, try to keep them out of the tough things as much as possible, and do our best to keep this entire affair civil. Thanks again, and any additional advice would be greatly appreciated.

[wendell]

Of all the options you gave, I suppose I would have to choose:

– Inactive due to a poor testimony/weakness in sin

However, I honestly don’t know if most of the members of my ward even realize I haven’t attended meetings in 7 months. I taught Primary for 17 years, and there are only a very few people at church that even know my name, but those that do know me surely must think I am an inactive sinner. To be perfectly honest…they would pretty much be correct to think so.

[wendell]

Bill Atkinson wrote:

Hi Wendell

First let me say that you have permission to be silly all you want. Your friend I think had honest motivation I guess we will find out if your home teachers had honest motivation if they show up again this month. I would suggest that you hook up with your EQ President and offer to go out on some of their service projects, let that be your “Sunday work” it will have the dual effect of helping other people and helping you to have relationship with the other men that is friendly, supportive and fun. It will also communicate that you care about the Ward and are a real person rather than just a statistic or a project.

Maybe I’ll try something like that. Thanks for the idea.

Wendell

[wendell]

Bill Atkinson wrote:

I don’t think you are being silly but in practical terms you may as well get used to it.

Yeah, I suppose I should try to get used to it, but I do think I am still just a bit silly. After all, aren’t we all imperfect human beings and I guess he was trying. I do like your suggestion that it should have come from the EQ president, but I’m not even sure the EQ president knows who I am because I don’t even know his name. How sad is that? Maybe I should have asked the home teachers.

[wendell]

Rix wrote:

Anyway, that doesn’t directly help your situation…but I find it helps me to understand where the stage three-ers are coming from — doing the best they can with what they know. And most TBMs are stage three-ers. The best thing to do is just respect them, love them, and don’t let their behaviors affect you. That is easiest when you are completely and confidently living your life as only YOU know it to be right.

Good luck!

Your response helped me more than you may know. At least I now know I’m not a complete idiot thinking his behavior was perfectly acceptable to everyone else. Keep smiling and good luck!

[wendell]

George wrote:

Do gooder friends – gotta love ’em NOT!

I establish my level of involvement in the church (not my friends). I decide if I wish to interview for a temple recommend (not my friends). I decide if I choose to pay tithing (not my friends). We are adults in a household of faith. We should be treated as equals, fully capable of establishing our own agency. I will not be bullied (I’m much to old for that). I continuously evaluate the goodness which comes from the church to me. I try to return service for same unconditionally. Sometimes I win, sometimes I lose. The older I get the more I conclude our paths through mortality are very much a singular route. True family may be near, but we alone choose YES/NO as a viable answer. Once my kids marry, I don’t try to make decisions for them, that was the ‘alternate plan’ as I recall, the father of which was…

That is pretty much how I feel as well. Of course we are here to help one another, but I don’t support sneaking around behind the backs of others. I make my own choices, but I have no right to decide whats right for anyone else. And your point about this being a singular route through mortality is exactly how I feel…especially right now. Thanks for responding.

[wendell]

just me wrote:

Wendell, have you tried a sleep clinic? I don’t want to meddle or be pushy, but that idea has been on my mind so I feel I should mention it.

How is your sons face? Sounds like he’ll have some “trophies.” I hope he is feeling alright!!!

No, I have never tried a sleep clinic. I have had several appointments, but they want me to spend too much time there and my nerves can’t deal with it. I did have a study done at home once where the Dr gave me some electrodes to hook to my head, chest, back, and legs. It didn’t show much though because I didn’t sleep for a period of time that was long enough to get any effective readings.

My son’s face is pretty messed up. It’s probably going to be okay once the swelling goes down, but it is definitely not good right now. I tried to ask him about it, but he can’t even speak, and since my wife doesn’t speak to me at all, I don’t really know what’s going on unfortunately.

Thank you for asking.

[wendell]

Tom Haws wrote:

Any hope of a breakthrough on the sleep front? I’m sorry it is so bad with your wife. Hang in there. You can get the rest and the support you need and find your answers.

Nope, sleep is pretty much non-existent right now, but then again my sofa was not designed for sleeping on for 9 months. I’m really starting to believe I need to make some huge changes in order to find the support and answers I need. I’ve tried prayer, friends, church leaders, family members, and therapists. I guess I need to find some other avenue. Thanks for asking.

[wendell]

just me wrote:

I am so sorry to hear about your son! I hope and pray surgery isn’t needed.

Have you found any sleep solutions? I know how important sleep is in stress reduction.

No, unfortunately. Thanks for asking though.

[wendell]

Old-Timer wrote:

just me,

Thanks for that reminder to slow down and put first things first. I have had a long, hard day – then I was reading lots of posts.

wendell, I am deeply sorry my first response was intellectual rather than heart-sensitive. I also hope and pray you find comfort, that your son is ok and that your pain is lessened in some way – perhaps simply by holding him and crying together.

Thank you. I hope so too. And as for your earlier response, it was fine. I’m just completely spent and cannot take any more. I appreciate the kind words.

[wendell]

swimordie wrote:

Poppyseed wrote:

But they don’t want to be required to call evil “good” in order to be recognized as loving.

In the spirit of not letting statements go unchallenged since they will exist in perpetuity on the internet:

I can’t agree with the above statement. Are you insinuating that SSA or SSM is “evil”?

If heterosexuality is from God, than homosexuality is as well, since both are developed in the same way. I doubt anyone believes that “satan” tinkers with the biological, genetic, psychological in utero or infancy. Sure, evil people do evil things to infants, so this would come with exceptions.

The only reason that same-sex couples are “fornicating” is because they can’t legally get married. If they were allowed to formalize their relationship in the same way that opposite-sex couples can, they would be married and no longer “living in sin”. Society is perpetuating the “sin” by not allowing these relationships to be formalized in this way.

Amen Brother!

[wendell]

Rix wrote:

It also bothers me that some leaders try to homogenize the members. We are each unique, and our individual talents and journeys should be encouraged. But, maybe that’s why I’m such a rebel anyway?! 😆

Exactly!!! Why do we all have to be the same? Isn’t variety the spice of life? I’m required to be a robot at work now, and doing it at church is simply too much for me to handle. A zombie maybe, but definitely not a robot.

[wendell]

just me wrote:

Wendell, how are you feeling today? Have you been able to get in to the dr to start figuring out a treatment plan?

Thanks for asking. I have been working on finding some answers, and I was doing better, but I reached the very end of my rope again last night. My 10 year old fell on his face while riding his scooter, probably broke his nose, knocked out several teeth, and mangled his face pretty badly. My wife and I don’t speak to each other, and I was at work, but she didn’t even bother to tell me what happened. She had my older son send me a text letting me know that he fell and bumped his mouth, but that he was going to be okay. I had no idea his teeth were missing or that his face had swelled up so badly. Doesn’t a Father deserve to know those things? He went to the dentist this morning and is seeing an orthodontist this afternoon – I’m just praying surgery is not necessary.

I know this will sound childish and immature, but why does God allow stuff like this to happen to me when I am completely spent physically, spiritually, and emotionally? I don’t need any more stress in my life. AAARRRGGGHHH!!!

[wendell]

Poppyseed wrote:

Is the bishop going so far as to say directly that you are absolutely wrong? If so, then I would agree that he is getting into dangerous territory.

Yes, my son says the bishop told him that I have no right to discourage a mission, and that he should ignore my advice. I have refrained from calling the bishop on it, but it really does bother me.

Poppyseed wrote:

I guess what I am trying to say is that I can’t quite agree. I think that once we set our kids free to make decisions, we also have to trust them to take counsel/advise from whomever they will whether it is us as their parents or not. I mean we can’t control the situation and stress is created when we try to. Would it be nice if the bishop said only what you wanted him too? Maybe. But your son will need to learn to think on his own and perhaps a few opposing views may be just what he needs in order to grow in that area. If you are worried that the bishop is somehow ruining your credibility, then those are valid feelings. But you still can’t control whether or not that happens. And if I were your son, I might just want you to stay out of my bishop’s interviews. Sorry to be blunt.

No problem with your being blunt. My son came to me and told me what the bishop said to him. I have never gotten involved in his interviews. Again, I have not contacted the bishop about it, and I won’t. As for the bishop only saying what I would like him to say, I have no desire to control anything he does. I simply don’t think that after he and I discussed this, that he should be calling my son in simply to “correct” me. If my son had asked to meet with him to get his opinion, I’m sure I would feel differently about it. The bishop can do whatever he wants, but I will certainly let my son know how I feel every time he inquires. If he wants to take the bishop’s advice rather than mine, there is nothing I can do about it, but every time he asks my opinion, I will give it to him.

Poppyseed wrote:

Just trust your son. I guarantee he will feel your love if he knows you respect and trust him as a man as you point him to trusting himself.

I definitely do trust my son…and he trusts me. That is why he came to me to ask my opinion. I have never once mentioned a mission to him in his entire life because I didn’t want to negatively taint his feelings. However, when he came to me, I felt it necessary to be honest and open with him about it.

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