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Some of the spiritual experiences I have had that keep me comfortable within religion have also involved some…less-than-nice experiences. So I know where you’re coming from if only just a little. 
Welcome to the forum, Rachael. It really doesn’t matter what reason you stay, as long as through it you can find the peace you seek.
I thought I participated in this thread already, but I guess I didn’t. ^^’ Mine started mid-twenties and was triggered by preparing to go on a mission — which I’m still planning on doing after much thought and consideration. I’ll let y’all know how it goes. Merry Christmas! 
Katzpur wrote:Eternity4me wrote:I think your biggest problem is that you appear to be a Utah Mormon.
I honestly think that’s a
hugepart of the problem.
This actually reminded me of a conversation I had with a good friend a couple weeks back (I’m preparing for a mission, so I end up talking a lot about my mission plans and goals with my friends…most of whom are not Mormon). We were talking about how crazy Utah Mormon culture drives us for one reason or another. She’s very adamant that Joseph Smith was a conman and the church is definitely not true, so it really surprised me when she flat out said that she has a very strong suspicion that if she had been raised outside of Utah, she probably would still be in the church.I guess it is what it is.
If there is one thing I will never regret about my church experience (there are quite a few, now that I think about them), it is the numerous moments of service opportunities that I have had throughout the years. Bringing dinner to a neighbor who’s teenager committed suicide, meals to another neighbor who’s mother finally lost her long battle with cancer…we’ve lost so many wonderful people in our neighborhood, and I feel like I would not know them as well as I had if I hadn’t had the church community, nor would I have had the opportunities to help them in some of the darkest times of their life. Service and that community is, I am realizing, one of a few core reasons why I doubt I will ever leave the church. I love, love this thread. Thank you.
Interestingly there is a older gentleman in my home ward who reminds me of this. He’s very good at making sure meetings don’t go over for one thing. Sits on the front rows and gives hand signals to all the speakers and everything. Many people in the ward who don’t know him don’t really like him because of how strictly he follows many rules, but that man has one of the more generous, loving hearts I have ever seen. Don’t judge someone until you get to know them, I suppose is it how goes. Sounds like you’re on a path to finding a good, peaceful place. Quote:*even if it is not true, there are, apparently (though I didn’t know this until this website) people that stay LDS, and even temple worthy (??!) anyway! I do not HAVE to leave my lifestyle
Heck, I’m even going on a mission in a few months. That’s not to brag. It’s just to show you that sometimes, staying LDS can work out just fine. It’s not for everyone, of course, and it certainly shouldn’t be, since we’re all created and wired different, but at least it is an option.You’ve got some solid thoughts. You’ve hit rock bottom, certainly, but that just means you’ve found a firm foundation to start building up.
Hi, Jeff. Welcome to the forum. The advice has already been given, but take it slow. I sense a fair amount of despair and panic, which may just be me projecting what I was feeling when I went through my own FC but may also be valid emotions you may be feeling now. I remember how angry and desperate I was, because I could not bear to leave the church, as it would break my parents’ hearts.
Take a deep breath. You don’t have to solve it all in one night or even one week, one month, or one year. It’s an ongoing struggle, perhaps the hardest you’ll have to go through, but it can be very worth it in the end. When I came to this forum, I made two promises to myself 1) that I would only leave the Church once I had found peace with it, and 2) no one else would doubt because of me. I realized that just because I perceive something as untrue, it doesn’t mean it lacks significant value to someone else, and I never want to be responsible for taking something so valuable from someone I care about. That can be hard at times, keeping things to yourself. But it can work.
There are many, many ways to StayLDS. The big part of the journey is just finding what works for you.
Quote:imagine a wise sage answering a pupil’s question of “Which path should I take?” with “Any of them.”
Pupil: Any of them will take me where I want to go?
Sage: Any of them will take you where you need to be.
I love this. Thank you.I don’t doubt that there is a God; I am also not sure what God is, though. I do know, however, what I believe God to be. That for me, that’s really enough.
Quote:I am really more comfortable with non-Mormons than I am with Mormons most of the time.
Most of my good friends nowadays are either non-Mormons, former Mormons (I hesitate to use the word ex-Mormons, since that has too many negative connotations, and my friends are very respectful of one another’s religious beliefs), and a few non-orthodox Mormons much like myself. I am very comfortable with them. Sometimes, I think about the friends I had in high school and junior high, and while I am so, so grateful for having them in my life then, sometimes when we meet up nowadays, I feel sort of self-conscious, since they haven’t really changed religious- and cultural-wise.Quote:The way I look at it, Joseph Smith may have said and done some things that I don’t feel good about, that I may even believe were wrong. But to me, that doesn’t necessarily equate to “therefore, the Church is false.”
Unfortunately with the church culture, things are so black and white, that if one thing is false in one belief system, then everything there should be considered false. It’s not solely inherent to the Mormon culture, of course, but it’s definitely one of the reasons I think that really drive many people into sort of the same situation and mindset of your friend. It’s very easy to say everything is false. It’s much harder to take the path that many of us here have taken — understanding and accepting that many things may be false, but there are many other things that are equally as true.Like Ray said, it might not be the same, but we are definitely here for you. And someone out there, potentially within your ward, is there for you, too. Unfortunately (and fortunately), many of us going down this un-orthodox path can sometimes be a quiet type, so it might just be a bit difficult to find us.
Welcome, Orual, you are definitely among some very fine company here. I’m about the same age as you only pre-mission.
You don’t need many reasons to stay. A few strong, powerful reasons to stay mean little in the face of many, less-powerful ones to leave.
Quote:I don’t need proof that it’s true, I just need it to not be proved absolutely false.
In the church, it’s very black and white thinking. It’s either all true or all false. But it doesn’t have to be that way. The things you value in the church are the things that are true to you. Everything else…well, sometimes you just have to come to peace with those things and let them go, “simply because they are too heavy.” I think a large majority of the church are things that I do not find true to myself. But there are just those few precious ones that make it so I don’t think I’ll ever truly leave.I hope you are able to find peace. Please, stay around and participate. It’s done many of us a lot of good, and I believe it will do the same for you.
I am so sorry for your loss, MockingJay. I am afraid of losing my own father every day due to his extensive health conditions. We’ve had a couple close calls; actually, a few of them happened to coincide right in the depths of my FC. And those were some of the hardest and darkest days of my life so far. So I know how you feel. I’ve lost a lot of good friends and family back before my FC, many so young that it hurts to think back on it, even after so many years have passed. Our church ward has lost three beautiful young women between the ages of twelve and sixteen over the past decade or two among many other untimely deaths. Those deaths are sometimes the hardest when you’re looking in on the families that are grieving. I’m not a stranger to Mormon funerals in the least. But every time, even before my FC, it’s been difficult to comprehend that they were here and living just days ago. And now they’re gone. It’s like trying to catch moonlight in your hand, and it’s so frustrating.
I don’t know what happens after death. My experiences and the private experiences of those close to me tells me that there is so,
somuch in this existence that we do not understand. And for whatever reason, that has brought me an incredible amount of comfort. What comes after death is just one of those many things that we don’t understand. Something that, I think, is best if we never really do understand until we’ve reached it. Quote:The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched. They must be felt with the heart. -Helen Keller
I hope you don’t completely discount your emotions. They may be an untrustworthy sort, but I like to think we need them.
