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Nah..Not one and Only but one of many. Truth is in the heart. If you want to believe the Mormon teachings are true, then it will be. If you want to believe the Catholic faith is true, then it will be. If you want to believe that there isn’t a God, then there isn’t one and what I mean is, to each individual, truth lies within. If one believes there’s no God then that’s his truth and he lives his life accordingly until that belief no longer serves his purpose on this earth. If he searches from some other truth, then he will find whatever it is that his experience is calling him to. Seek and ye shall find, ask and it shall be given. Mormonism did not fit my complete idea of what a spiritual experience should be and so I looked outside the restricted box and lept into the dark and dreary world; but wait, it is there that I found it not as dreary as some would have me believe and that I find exactly what I am looking for. I tested the theory of it dark and dreary and found just what I expected; That there are many wonderful people, places and things that I was too afraid to get to know, explore and take part in. If I wanted to find a dark and dreary world, there it will be; And if I wanted to find good in all people, then that’s what I will see. And if I wanted to see that a church is true for those that believe in it, then that’s what I will find.
It is my belief, that truth lies within the hearts and minds of man/woman and those truths differ from one to another. Who are we to judge the truth of other people for only the maker knows why and for what purpose those truths exist. And no one is going to go anywhere they are not comfortable. Like attracts like. It is freewill..
Hey, Thanks for the welcome wishes. You feel very peaceful on this site, which is very good for me and it was not coincidence. I sent out a request into the universe to show me a way to be in the church and not of the church… Then I found you. Can you imagine the devastating toll on members that outing the church would take if the leaders started to reveal the history/mystery behind the church doctrine and how it all came about? Can you say, complete devastation, uprising against the church, people who become lost, depressed, mass suicide, murder, embarassment and shame in the face of the nation, persecutions against the people, denial, anger, fear. I think the church gives people hope to go on in this life; even though it no longer does this for me. You are so brave just to speak it even here. I commend you on your willingness to share. We are not alone in our struggles. I have same sex attraction but am happily married to the man of my dreams with bi-sexual tendencies. These tendencies have been around since before the age of my baptism at 8. I do know that the more I had beaten myself up thinking I was less than worthy, the more the issue became problematic. I dwelled on it more, wanted it more and desperately wanted to have the experience. I couldn’t even look women in the face or let myself have natural relationships with them for fear of them “knowing” I could possibly have an attraction.
When I accepted that this is part of my life and realized that God loved me anyway and I loved myself and forgave myself for believing I was less than worthy because of my feelings, it’s not so much an issue anymore. For me, the more I thought about how taboo it was, the more I was attracted to it.
That’s not to say that this is what’s happening to you, nor will you choose the same path as me or anyone else has, but I will say to accept yourself as you are and if you decide to tell anyone else, prepare yourself for the comments and feelings they may have in regards to what you are telling them. You are challenging their core beliefs and asking them to think differently. In the long run, self-aacceptance is far more important then what anyone else thinks. This may come to you in time with age and different experiences.
Furthermore, there is nothing wrong with you. It can and has been blamed on many things, lack of nurturing of a loving father, a mother that was abusive, being molested as a child, watching two dogs of the same sex trying to have relations (I threw that one in..hehe) etc.
Has this desire gone away? Not completely; I know at anytime, it can creep upon me and weigh heavily upon my mind. I’m not actively engaged in seeking out the experience, but if you ask me if i’m capable of doing so, YOU BET. It is a part of who I am.
I would love to be able to stay and not be offended but I also understand that if I revealed how I felt and what I had learned, that I would definately offend others; So i’ll remain quiet. I just wish I knew how to turn down the doctrine channel so that I’m not flooded by noise pollution and sent into a public display of “eye-rolling” and angry stares of disgust. It is so easy to be sucked up into collective consciousness. I want to be in the church, but not of the church. Thanks for the welcomes.. I appreciate it. I’d like to bear my testimony that I know that which I thought I once knew no longer exists. I believe Joseph Smith got caught up in his own fantasies to where they became reality for himself and those who were good God-fearing people. I know that President Monson has a lot of clean-up work to do and can help make the transition in doctrine smoothly if he so chooses. I know that Jesus Christ is someone I want to study and would like to find first hand knowledge of him and not just some handed down folklore. I know that who I thought God was, is not the same for everyone and not even the same as he once was for me. I’d further like to bear my testimony that having had every bit of gospel knowledge stripped from my memory as being absolute truth, I’m able to come to understanding about myself and who I am and what I want to be without the constraints of fear and guilt of becoming slewn into outer darkness with those of the dissenters before me. I say these things in the name of Joseph Christ. Amen
