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Just one logical question comes to my mind: If the Prophets are groping in the dark, does that mean they haven’t really asked any questions on this subject past “Does she exist? And another logical question too: Well then if Prophets and Apostles are supposed to talk to the Lord and learn his will, have they even learned his will on this?
And one more: Then if prophets and apostles are in the dark, and the whole world wide church is just speculating, then can we say we even have a right to revleation as a church, because surely we are not getting that revelation?
And of course: What is personal revelation going to do if there is a cultural taboo against sharing it? Joseph Smith himself said that a righteous man won’t be content with just taking care of his family but the whole world. I see truth in that statement more and more. I am not just content in recieving personal revelation. But I want to teach it, and am barred culturally from doing so, and would ge excommunicated faster then you can say macaroni and cheese for doing so. And probably be accused of multiple things including insubordination (as if we are in the military and I have just gone awry from the command structure).
ah…sigh
now that I have gone through the temple. I must say as much as I have heard the Eve as body, Adam as Spirit thing, I don’t get it, and never will. That explanation just doesn’t ring true for me. It still uses Women as signifying that we all failed through flesh, that a woman’s flesh then becomes used as something that is unclean. The whole bride of Christ, thing. Honestly would the metaphor have been different had women been writing scriptures rather then men? I think it probably would have been. We are all bride’s of Christ, the Husband stands in for the Lord, has been taken way too seriously, and not one person has ever though that the Woman could stand in for the Lord as well. I personally think after everything, that though I have said this in my introductory post, there are some things equal. All in all, I feel our explanations of things are lacking. Every interpretation I get, I turn over a million times. The only one that ever makes any sense, is the answer I recieved in the Temple. “The first shall be last, and the last shall be first”. This Adam (literal or figurative it matters not), was created first, so last to take the fruit, Eve was created last, so first to take the fruit. Adam first to get knowledge of his spiritual power, while Eve labored and had children, and that was practically the only thing she knew of her power. I wonder if we ever will ever ask the question “If Eve would be last to get her spiritual power, when did Eve know? She did live almost 1000 years of mortal life. Surely she must have found out sometime during the course of her life.”
I go back and forth on this. I look at the temple, and know that with in two years, I won’t be able to go back, if I keep going on the road I am. So I have to go back, and curb my temple experience, and let others do the endowment for my ancestors, because I can’t. I will do the initatories. Its the only place I feel whole in the entire ceremony. Or I can do sealings for couples with my husband. Those two things are probably what I would do.
My thoughts and my feelings, are still very much a roller coaster. Though I feel with each passing day time is healing myself about this. I just hope that God will hear the prayers for change. I do not know how that change will happen. But our church is notorious for it. It will. And hopefully it is for the better.
You know I have gone back and forth on this subject, a lot personally. I did think also as wayferer that the Holy Spirit, may just be our own personalized personage assigned to us. It does make sense in one way. Just scholarly evidence, and this idea of celestial marriage, and that Spirit is matter, and a finer purer matter then we can discern in this mortal state (Doctrine and Covenants, forget the section, probably around sections 80-100, something like that, and I’m alas too lazy to look it up), and other questions and personal revelation I have recieved, and that long time ago jewish mystics believed it, and its still a belief among some of the population, It stands out to me as just the best conclusion. Though I can see where some people may get comfort from the Holy Spirit not having any gender assigned to it, being sort of the hand of God stretch out to comfort us and guide us (as many churches already believe). I do understand that. Though to me If I wasn’t gendered in Heaven, then nothing in the church makes sense. If there is no gender to the Holy Spirit to me, well then personally there is no gender to God and then the only person who comes gendered in reality is Christ, and he was male. I may as well join the Catholic Church in that instance (and sometimes its tempting, at least I would get to pray to christ through female saints).
hmm, I like that, actually. And if it is a Woman’s repsonsiblity to teach and lead her children, then why wouldn’t the Head Holy Spirit be female, in connection with our Mother in Heaven, and lead the spirit children, to help comfort, protect (and I’ve been protected by the Holy Spirit), sanctify, and reveal the mysteries of the kin-dom? Yeah, okay that is another reason. I am quite okay with having guardian angels in connection with the office of the Holy Spirit.
Again, that is my personal belief. And on the off chance somebody agrees with me, great. If not I’m okay with that. I like this conversation though. Its interesting to move into the realm of speculative theology. I think revelation comes this way too.
Wow, I liked that long reply. I love hinduism, and doaist way of thinking, it does certainly challenge my mind. I was thinking in terms of the Temple. But I can see now in that context why God would prohibit a dual way of thinking. Though doesn’t daoism teach in a certain context that all things have a dual nature, Yin has a bit of Yang and viceversa? I think so. At least that is the way I understood it when I learned of it in my world religions class, and what I have studied on my own. maybe that is why we needed the fall. We needed to learn that there is Good and Evil, but sometimes there is gray and paradoxical oneness in the Universe. Maybe Adam and Eve fell not so much that they ate the fruit, but that they needed to learn how to live with in Paradox. Maybe we all do.
Intersting post. I am going to be thinking about it, and reading it for a while.
having gone through the temple, endowment, sealing, everything, I have to say. I can see where it is equal. Not that I necessarily agree with how the endowment is done. I feel that God wants something a bit more simple, and simple can be just as symbolic. Just my feelings. The sealing part well, that was interesting, I felt it was was much equal then I thought it would be. The wording was still a bit, eye rolling on one part, but I felt the Spirit more strongly, more resolutely and more powerfully in the sealing then in the endowment. That sends a message to me that the sealing is more closer, and much more accurate with what God wants. And the eye rolling part that I did, sometimes I think my Father in Heaven joins in with me. As for worrying about what I have not experienced. I will do that, all the time. I won’t shy away that I do that, and I necessarily won’t try to not do that any more. Worrying about it, makes me think about it, before I do it. It made me aware of it so that I didn’t really miss anything. Now I can’t remember all of it, but I do know of it better then probably most young women who go through it their first time, endowment and sealing on the same day. Hindsight helps though, and in Hindsight, I am not grateful for the struggle, heck no, I don’t want to go through that again. But I am grateful for the lessons learned, and that I can see now, that my worrying can be used as a tool to help me understand it, my confusion also. And I am still trying to understand it.
:wave: First: Well I guess I can handle being told to take a small time to take deep breaths. That’s okay. I know I need too. Secondly: As for the Church’s teaching on the Holy Spirit being a male, it stems from the scripture in Nephi about him saying he spoke with the Spirit of the Lord. Some apostles strongly feel that was the Holy Spirit, while others feel that was the Lord himself. I have heard both teachings on this scriptures. I feel that it was the Lord himself. I think there is another scriptures they use to back up the teaching of the Holy Spirit being male, but I can’t remember what, but that scripture too is probably a bit vague, if you ask me. I think most of it stems from the idea of the Patriarchal order, that those in charge are males, and the females are mates and companions and counselors. (they would probably say “Very important, special counterparts, who’s job it is to teach the children, and that is ultimately the most important thing you can do” to which I very well would reply, if its so important why don’t you stay at home and teach the children too?) I roll my eyes at the logic, considering some logical scholarly evidence to the contrary. Linquistic scholarly evidence in the church, seems to be taken as wrong, if it doesn’t jive with what the prophets teach, but the prophets being completely human, can be wrong. Of course the scholars can be wrong too, but I would take something in study, that has been studied very carefully as probably being a bit more truthful then something just thought about and prayed over. Without thorough scholarly study, how can we tell if the answer we get in prayer, is genuinely true, when there is some evidence that maybe some of our answers are based upon our own preceptions.
Another thought: Because all Gods must be married (if you take Doctrine and Covenants marriage requirement literally), the Savior is Married to the Holy Spirit (as another theory of who the Saviors Bride is), and as we believe God the Father and Mother are married, that is why I am leaning more so toward it being a foursome as well. So therefore the Holy Spirit is our Savioress. She isn’t resurrected so that she can go through and testify of our savior, and so doing is being our savioress. Now, caution in this next part must be used. The Holy Spirit in some respects seems to just be the lesser of the Godhead, that she is sent, not coming in her own right. That she just does the bidding of the Savior, and the Father. That she is nothing except what the Father and Savior wants her to be. I doubt this. I doubt this logic. If I can think it though, others can. I think people underestimate the Holy Spirit and her mission, just as they underestimate women and their mission, and just make it to be one thing, while it really is many things. How could anybody be saved, if it wasn’t for the sanctifying power of the Holy Spirit? And then nobody could also be saved if it wasn’t for the atonement, so really both work together. Both have too. And not one is greater then the other. We always talk about the comforting power of the holy spirit, but what of the Sanctifying power? I think that sanctifying power is probably one more reason that the Priesthood leaders think its a male. *gasp* a woman can’t have sanctifying power (yet we do, in the Temple, during the initiatories, makes no sense why we can’t have more sanctifying powers then just that).
I think all in all it probably just really urks their idea of their place in the world. I mean think about it, if the Holy Spirit was a female, males are probably less apt to listen to her, want to follow her. Except the Book of Proverbs personifies wisdom as a woman. That men must follow a woman’s advice, in order to do anything, to lead, to even have wisdom of their own. Does that mean that women are just again, something men need to possess? I doubt that is what the book of proverbs is saying. I think what it is saying, is that Women are men’s leader. And that men in return also help women. It isn’t unreasonable to think that, or get that from careful study of scripture.
We have constantly been taught that men and women have separate but equal roles (anyone with thinking power can see how false this dichotomy is, because proportionally more power is given to the man then women in this separate but equal role thing). This teaching alone is enough to disturb any male that buys into it, that there could possibly be a Female that leads, and presides, and has a priestesshood beyond motherhood.
Okay now I revert back to something else I wrote on why I changed my mind from it being 6 in the Godhead to 4. It is also because I struggled to see who our Savioress was. I struggled to fill that gap with 6. With a fouresome, it flows much easier into my mind who our Savioress is and what a savioress is. She is the Holy Spirit. She along with our Mother in Heaven teach us and guide us, sanctify us to become closer to our Father in Heaven and Savior. In return our Father in Heaven and Savior require that we listen to our Mother and the Holy Spirit, and follow them. The Father and Savior will lead us back to our Mother and Savioress and the Mother and Savioress will lead us back to the Father and Savior. In reality, I think that the Father is unto the Mother, and the Mother is unto the Father. That there is no he is King unto God, She is queen unto him. That is a grave misunderstanding. A very serious misunderstanding on Brigham Youngs Part. With this idea of a foursome. A lot of Gospel principles seem to flow easier into my mind.
Now I just wait for the day where I can pray: Dear Heavenly Parents, in public. Now I just wait for the day where I can see men and women fufill callings together (like bishop is a calling for Husband and Wife, and so on and so forth), and that the wording we use to describe one, we describe the other with too. Men and Women nurture, men and women preside, men and women protect. There is no difference in what. Only difference to me is in how.
*sigh*. Look all I want to do is talk. I do not know of anyone here in the Rexburg area that I can talk to about this. I live in the Mormon Cultural bubble right now, and feel very disconnected. I began this journey here in Rexburg even though I carried it with me back to my homeward in California. I would love a support group in person. I think I need that. I just don’t know who to find that shares my opinions. Please private message me on this one request. I would prefer to also meet your spouse, and that you meet my husband. It is safer that way.
I keep staring at this page, I wrote a lot. Am I forgetting anything else? Just that, If I can’t meet a person in person, maybe we can start a board topic section (whatever its called), that is something along the lines of a virtual candelight visual. Where we could write our prayers, poems, personal stories about things. Personally I would like this topic to be somewhere along the lines of the mother fast that I read about in one of the blogs, daughters of Eve, or something like that. In it she asks people to join her for a fast every 3rd sunday of every month for revelation to come for Heavenly Mother to be revealed to us, for our hearts to soften. Pretty much for anything like that. I haven’t done it in a while. I would love to do it in a group in person, but if not, then online would be fine. It could be a permanent board index topic section as I said. If the administrators are okay with it, then I ask that we do this. Praying is much stronger in groups, at least that is what we learn in the Temple right?
And, not trying to convert others to my views. But I sure wish they wouldn’t be so harsh on people who disagree with their views. One man involved in the September 6 was excommunicated for believing the Holy Spirit was female, and he wasn’t even trying to stray from it being a threesome either. So that is why I say it here, in the comfort of this blog. Rather then out there at church to any one who would take great offense.
Hope you like reading long essays. I think I could make a book out of all the posts I write here. They are always so long.
Hmm, those are interesting thoughts. I have not really thought about that. Why was it forbidden, if it was part of the plan? More meditation on this is probably necessary, and may even help me (in some ways) with the Temple ceremony I just experienced a week ago. At the top of my head, I was taught that it was a test to see which law of God, one wants to obey. Which law is more important. That may be verbatim what the church teaches, but to me it does make sense. Also it was forbidden, but they had a choice weather to partake of it, or not. Adam only heard that he would die it seems. And he didn’t want to die. Eve on the other hand, heard and reminded Adam that God commanded them to be fruitful and replenish the earth.
That is the top at the thought of my head. But I really do like your interpretations of it too. It may in fact represent a dichotomy thinking, that things are either Good, or they are either Evil. I think in our working to become like God, we are meant to come down to an earth, where we are presented with this dichotomy. It is pleasurable to be in the pursuit of knowledge of the good, but also with it, comes some things that are bad, because we can’t know Good (any level of it) without knowing bad (any level of that). I think at first Eve and Adam found out the fruit tasted sweet and pleasurable, but the after taste was sour, and hard to go through because they where thrown into the lone and dreary world to labor and have sorrow. But also immense joy. It was Eve, not Adam who declared that without pain they would never know joy. I think she in that sense probably was the one most capable of that considering she had labor and pain in way which Adam did not, by the bearing of children in this world. But that is another post. (An interesting related post to this).
:think: Okay, so I just hit the back button, and forgot a large portion of what I was writing before so I will just recap: Temple Initiatories: I felt peace here, good here, and a little bit blown away here, but how simple, how wonderful it was to hear Sisters give me blessings. I felt even more wonderful when they placed their hands upon my head. I felt it was so right, so true. I felt I this sacred moment, should be expanded more. Women have the power to give blessings, they should where ever they can.
As you said Ray, the cognitive dissonance I am feeling is largely because of our theology. As for heavenly mother, sometimes I truly think, maybe they can’t give it to us. Maybe we as women must ask and give knowledge of our heavenly mother. But I go on with the thought that maybe also there must be something that comes from the male priesthood, I wouldn’t say first, but I would say simultaneously with women declaring about Heavenly Mother. But I do not know when that will happen, only that it should happen, and only that it will probably happen at some point I’m alive (Me I’m hoping sooner rather then later.)
Temple Endowment: I felt good at the equal covenants. I felt at peace there. I only felt odd at the times I felt something was unnecessary. I know though realize why the Church encourages the Young Men to go on missions, and the Young Women to marry. So it can be that the Young Man accompanies her through her endowment (himself already being endowed) and takes her through the viel. My fiance is not a returned missionary, so this conflicts me. I have already supposedly given my name, to my Lord Jesus Christ. Now I have to go through it again, just so he can have my name? Sounds a bit absurd to me. In the context of the Endowment it makes sense in a way. But i find it unnecessary. And the veiling, I found I felt, nothing. Nothing at all when I wore it. I felt it meant nothing. And would continue to mean nothing to me. It was an odd feeling to get sitting there. I thought I would get an answer one way or another, but no. I got this distinct thought “This means nothing, but only something to those who want it to”. So for me it doesn’t mean I’m oppressed (though I don’t really get a choice to wear it or not to wear it), but it also doesn’t mean the numerous things I’ve heard it mean. With that note. I got a book called “The Viel: Women writers on its history, lore and politics”. And I’m interested to read it. Just to put more knowledge about the viel from women’s perspective.
Temple Sealing: I am looking forward to being pronounced sealed for time and all eternity, and hearing our hyphenated name as I said. I just hope I don’t come out of that with the headache I did after the Endowment session. I guess I can just hang on to that line, that one line that seems to give me so much peace and happiness. I get a really strong impression that is the line that matters to our father in heaven and mother in heaven anyway.
Hawkgrrl- It does sound victorian to me. I do believe the worst is over. I just am going to bear this one last thing I have to do. And then every other time I go, it will be for somebody else who can reject it or accept it as they see fit.
I feel very strongly however that the Lord has called me to live a slightly different path then the sisters in the Church who are all fine with the man leading, and presiding. I feel strongly about this. I feel called to figure out a path of equality, and in my tool chest, I am armed with how to get that done. So maybe the Lord is just preparing me, for what I feel ready to do, even if at the moment, I am ultra confused.
Okay so I realized I’m not done. I’m not done with the Temple experience. I have to go and do about two more things I think are completely unnecessary. That is the whole mini viel experience with my Fiance, and then hearing the first part where both “Take and Receive” and then the second part in which the Man first promises to takes the woman (before she even has a chance to speak), and the woman then only after he has promised to take her unto himself, says that she gives herself unto him. I feel like I entered the 1800’s with that phrase. Yeah I still have some confusion. I still worry in the back of my mind. I woke up twice, with worry about the whole thing after my Temple Endowment (That would be early the next morning, and then early the next morning after that) then I got tired and put it to rest, now everything swells up inside. I wonder what will happen after the less sexist temple sealing, in which I give my whole heart and soul to the line where they pronounce us married for time and all eternity as husband and wife (not to mention the fact that is the time where we will hear our new hyphenated name, a symbol for both of us of our equality). I truly just am looking forward to that line, and nothing else. That line doesn’t make it all better, but that line, sure gives me peace.
I am not surprised though, that its this way. Blame our language, It is largely patriarchal, it is through our language that we comprehend things, so since our language is not pure, our understanding is not pure. But alas it ins’t required in the scriptures that our understanding be pure, its required that our hearts be pure. Maybe all the Temple is teaching us, is Patriarchy is a result of the fall, since we are in this fallen world, most of us must live by patriarchy (the few cultures who do not, I do envy in a way) but there is hope, there is. I was reading an evangelical site God’s word to Women. This is one of the sites that actually got me on this path, because I say if Evangelicals can understand this, if they can do the leg work, and figure out both intellectually and then get that confirmed (by which I whole heartedly think they have), by the power of the Holy Ghost. Then so can I, so can anybody. I keep thinking “Seek after virtuous things”, what is more virtuous then something that can be liberating? Anyway before I digress. I was reading the God’s word to women blog. And then I came across Ann Nylands work on Paul, I came again across something I’ve read previously about how submitting was equal. I just feel that there is something there, it gives me peace. I think the hope that I am getting at, is that we are not alone as Mormon’s questioning all of this. The evangelicals who only have the bible to contend with are questioning it, they are working with it the best they can. I guess I can take inspiration from their struggle, and that will help me continue with my struggle.
I have 15 more days before I get married, 15 more days. I know one thing, I don’t want a headache, so this is why I write this. As a release, of pent up pressure. And to say I think I am formulating a path in which to deal with this, and Stay LDS, Feminist Mormon Housewives, LDS WAVE, and others will be a helpful resource to me. I need an outlet, I need a way to deal with this on some productive level. Even if right now the productivity is just working on not letting this dwell with in me, but be released.
So that is what this feminist has logged on to say. I am sure after the sealing I will just look at my husband, and know he is mine. I guess I just need to pass through this one thing. I can’t say everything will be fine, but at least once I’ve done it, I’ve done it.
I feel the temple is only for here. Only for this life. I can’t see Temples in the Celestial Kin-dom, I can’t see the church organized there as it is here (in fact I can barely envision a church in the celestial kin-dom. Churches are for sinners.) I believe the covenants we make for the most part are equal. I just have to maybe learn not to listen to my head so much, and follow my heart.
Okay I only came back because I want to report how it went today. I am going to be using this site intermittently with explaining my feelings on FMH. I find right now the Lord understand. I have a terrible headache. I was focused on the entire ceremony, I think I strained my poor head. I am trying to relax, truly. I know there is a time for everything. Right now, I think this is the time where I just freak out, and that is okay.
The Temple was mixed. As I knew it would be. My heart feels something. It does. Exactly what that feeling is, I can’t explain. The spirit yes, in a way. Peace, surely. My brain is currently done wondering, cause I have a headache as I said, so… I will just explain a thought I had in the Temple.
I read the scriptures, some chapter in the New testament don’t remember which one, and the Last verse said “The first shall be last, the last shall be first” I was just thinking of how it pertained to the ceremony, on the surface of what I saw, and The First being Eve took the fruit and now she is treated as the last, the Last being Adam is treated as the first. It also had another layer of significance for me. That “Eve” being last on this earth for so long, this being the dispensation of the fullness of times, that “Eve” will begin to have her knowledge filled in and I don’t know how to say the rest of my thoughts on that, but I will try. That Since Adam was the first to get his knowledge of the priesthood….Eve will then be last to get her knowledge of her power. And in the Heaven, I just feel that there is Something, and I’m not going to tear my brain apart trying to figure out what, but there is something that is important, to the celestial kin-dom that Eve must lead and do. (And something in me says, its not the womb). Its just a feeling I have. I will leave it at that.
I must say I will be taking a hiatus from this forum as quickly as I came. My constant thoughts and emotions are ruining my relationship with my fiance. And before a late cancellation happens, I have to take a break, I can no longer be on this for a few weeks. I hope I have the strength. I really appreciate every one here. I realize now I must continue this lonely path, to where it may lead. All this stress is killing me slowly, inside and out. Everything I thought I am, I need to revisit, and set my thoughts straight. I had a good cry tonight. WIll probably cry like this in the Temple.
Thank you.
Okay, yeah my mental health has been bugged by this. I just have had my entire life believed that my Heavenly Father was not sexist, but there are just too many glaring things with in the past year that make me wonder, and have hurt me deeply. The fire and the wound inside me are engulfing. I care about this subejct more then any other because I seek understanding. I seek knowledge, I seek knowing. I still remarkabley believe in the Gospel heavily. This has weighed on my mind constantly, but I still managed to get through my last semester of College, I will still manage to go to work and earn a pay check for my husband-to-be and me, and a little dog when we get her. I still manage to live my life.
Yes I am highly distressed. I am not helped with the sexism in the church, by the sexism in the world. I am a woman, and I have health problems, that compound the problem with the stereotype that all women are weak and vulnerable and because of a woman’s condition a man needs to be there all the time for her, and protect her. And I highly dislike that, because in my case at times it feels like I have had agency stripped away from me. For me, I have had a terrible time for the past 11 years with personal issues. I highly disliked the constant painful reminders that I am a woman and the whole patriarchal thing, doesn’t help matters for me. I feel I must explain this publicly, I have had issues. I know I have issues. I have to deal with these issues. But it sure would be better to deal with them, if my God didn’t remain silent on things.
I am mixed. I will try to do everything I can on Tuesday to remain calm, but I may end up crying. Maybe that is okay to cry, maybe its okay to just sit down and have a good cry. I have been crying pretty heavily for a good year and a few months about things. Maybe that is okay to do. One day I may wake up from this nightmare, One day I may just learn to ignore the nightmare, and look at the beautiful dream mixed in with it.
So for now this is me:
😥 :wtf: :lolno: :eh: :think: 🙄 😆 :clap: 🙂 
😥 
Look, I just want to say publically on this forum that I am feeling very bad right now, for hammering the topic of the Temple so much. I have gotten a lot of good advice, and I will for the most part try to take that into my life, and how it works for me.
I appreciate all your help, and will continue to frequent this site as much as possible, for some camaraderie in my heterodox beliefs.
I will now again, just make a simple list, of my not so simple feelings and how I could handle it all on Tuesday in the Temple.
1) Clearing my head, and being still, its the only way God has spoken to me, and given me revelation. When I do think to much, I do become to freaked out and rant. It never ends well when I do that. I should definitely just take the Temple time to meditate, mostly on my relationship with God the Father and Heavenly Mother too.
2) Understanding it’s okay to not understand or even agree with something in the Temple, I will for the most part, just act it with the intent of trying to understand it. If I don’t understand it, maybe I am not yet in a spiritual place to accept it, or that it really does have no consequence to me.
3) The Patriarchal parts and seemingly sexist parts, if of God, aren’t going to hurt me, and if of men aren’t going to have effect on me outside the Temple.
4) Its okay to have a big cry about it, I realize that its okay to cry about things we are absolutely confused on
5) See it as a culmination of a lifelong goal I have had, and deeply hold as something very important to me, this is something I should be more happy then sad, but that doesn’t mean the parts I am disappointed on, even saddened about has to be repressed
6) Consider the Endowment a lesson in life, and that though things seem unfair in this world, in the Celestial room, after its all said and done, one can find much peace just like I hope to find in the Celestial Kin-dom of Heaven.
I apologize if I sounded to bugging about this whole thing. It has been on my mind a lot, because i truly wanted to understand it, but since I haven’t experienced it, I guess a lot of this is just plain fear as well.
So I ask just for prayers to help me get through this, oh I’m praying to. “Lord I believe, help thou my unbelief”.
I will all let you know my experience.
Look, I just want to say publically on this forum that I am feeling very bad right now, for hammering the topic of the Temple so much. I have gotten a lot of good advice, and I will for the most part try to take that into my life, and how it works for me.
I appreciate all your help, and will continue to frequent this site as much as possible, for some camaraderie in my heterodox beliefs.
I will now again, just make a simple list, of my not so simple feelings and how I could handle it all on Tuesday in the Temple.
1) Clearing my head, and being still, its the only way God has spoken to me, and given me revelation. When I do think to much, I do become to freaked out and rant. It never ends well when I do that. I should definitely just take the Temple time to meditate, mostly on my relationship with God the Father and Heavenly Mother too.
2) Understanding it’s okay to not understand or even agree with something in the Temple, I will for the most part, just act it with the intent of trying to understand it. If I don’t understand it, maybe I am not yet in a spiritual place to accept it, or that it really does have no consequence to me.
3) The Patriarchal parts and seemingly sexist parts, if of God, aren’t going to hurt me, and if of men aren’t going to have effect on me outside the Temple.
4) Its okay to have a big cry about it, I realize that its okay to cry about things we are absolutely confused on
5) See it as a culmination of a lifelong goal I have had, and deeply hold as something very important to me, this is something I should be more happy then sad, but that doesn’t mean the parts I am disappointed on, even saddened about has to be repressed
6) Consider the Endowment a lesson in life, and that though things seem unfair in this world, in the Celestial room, after its all said and done, one can find much peace just like I hope to find in the Celestial Kin-dom of Heaven.
I apologize if I sounded to bugging about this whole thing. It has been on my mind a lot, because i truly wanted to understand it, but since I haven’t experienced it, I guess a lot of this is just plain fear as well.
So I ask just for prayers to help me get through this, oh I’m praying to. “Lord I believe, help thou my unbelief”.
I will all let you know my experience.
