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But I am so glad you said something. i feel that if the Church is to go forward, and become better, more sensitive, more compassionate, more useful, WE have to say something. We have to call out a Bishop when he is being a jerk. We need to tell a Stake President that he is over the line in our opinion. We don’t need to be rebellious, or discourteous, but on the other hand, I don’t think anything is served by just biting your tongue and suffering in silence. Just my two coppers.
This is not an easy path for any of us, but don’t leave your husband behind. At least one thing that the Church got right is the emphasis on loving your spouse and kids. I wouldn’t be afraid of talking to him about your feelings. Grow closer together, discover together, work out your dreams and faith together. You’ll come through this with a stronger, more caring family, regardless of the path you choose. I would like to argue for a middle ground path. The Church tends to push us into an all or nothing truth. Black or white, true or false, inspired or a hoax. But as you know from your own life, issues are rarely black or white. I believe, and I am finding, a way to go to Church, participate, pray and believe in those parts which I have figured out and accept, and just put aside, for now, the parts which I can’t reconcile, resolve, or I believe are false. So what if the Joseph Smith is not the near-Christ-like person the Church says, He was an imperfect man, made mistakes, but has restored a beautiful understanding of the heavens to us all. Let’s praise him for what he did right, and try to overlook what he has done wrong. IF you and your husband are willing to look, I believe there is a way you can still go to Church, Baptize your Son, and yet, believe in a middle ground which is firm enough to support your family.
I am certainly in favor of a 2-Hour Block. I would eliminate Sunday School and move that teaching into Priesthood, Relief Society, Young Women and Young men. Primary could have a singing time, and class instruction. From a purely economic stand point, cutting church to 2 hours would make building utilization much more efficient. Where there was a demand for additional buildings, more wards could be housed in ONE building, where there are large wards sharing a building, cutting the block would make the change over much easier since one ward would be in classes while the next ward is in the Chapel. And in some high-membership areas cutting to 2 hours would reduce the need for more buildings by one third.
I would cut Sacrament meeting to just one hour. Two 10-12 minute speakers, including a rest hymn between speakers. I would purchase an electronic metronome for each chorister and organist and explain to them that not every hymn is supposed to sound like a funeral dirge. I would also encourage another go-round with the Hymnal from the “Music Committee” I would transpose as many hymns as possible to the key of C so that they could be played by less accomplished musicians, and I would include chords above each staff so that those who play corded instruments suck as the guitar could also play the hymns. I would take out the old, slow, and difficult hymns and insert some new and more modern hymns. Especially some of the old standards from the Bible Based Baptists.
I would offer Scouting as a separate program to those young men who are interested. I would also take out the intense “Mormonism” from the scouting program so that male friends from school would be welcomed and not feel like it was a disguise to get them baptized. The NEW scouting program would be focused on the Scouting principles and encourage advancement and fraternity among the young men in the area. (Not just the priesthood holders) It would be a true SCOUT program. If there is something similar for young women, I would offer that also. Young members who don’t want to participate in scouting would not be forced to do so, and could come to the ward to play basketball and have some kind of youth activity.
I am not sure I would go with the recorded sacrament prayer, but I certainly would take some time teaching about the sacrament and encouraging young men to memorize the prayer. Perhaps some dramatic arts teaching so it doesn’t sound like my old BYU professor reading from the American History Text.
Finally, I would stick with the lay ministry, but I would require new bishops to attend some simple training in counseling, and interviewing and dealing with member problems. Giving a new Bishop the Keys, and telling them to rely on the spirit when dealing with broken marriages on the brink of divorce, or the grief of an accidental death of a child, or the loss of a partner after a lifetime of togetherness just isn’t adequate in my humble opinion.
Steve-hpias wrote:This is why I carry a life insurance policy so hefty that I’m probably worth more dead than I am alive.
You know, I feel the same way… “Worth more dead than I am alive” And I don’t even have any life insurance.
I appreciate your concern. And I would share your feelings if we were selling the house and considering moving simply because of what has happened between me and the Church. The plan to sell our house was made years before my excommunication. The two events are not interconnected at all, and actually may complicate my return to full fellowship. On the other hand, a “fresh start” might be a good thing for all concerned. Yes, a new ward and stake is a definite possibility. Our last two children living at home are BOTH getting married this summer. After the kids are moved out, we were going to clean carpets, do some painting and scrubbing and then put our house on the market. With luck we will be able to move about the time that my year of excommunication runs out. One concern I have is that moving will “restart” the clock and that I’ll have to spend another year while the new BP and SP get to know me. I really don’t want to go through that if possible. Additionally, there will be a second year before I am eligible for restoration of blessings. I am not looking forward to two full years on the outside for something I did three years ago.
You, all of you who have responded, will never know how valuable this is for me. Just being able to talk, type my feelings, read your responses is so very cathartic for me. I am in a good place with my Savior. I stopped the offending behavior 3 years ago, and have prayerfully sought forgiveness from Jesus Christ ever since. I feel his love, acceptance and forgiveness of me almost every time I pray. The atonement is perfect and I love it. The Church however is not perfect, and is made up of mortals who make mistakes. My wife and I are OK. We love each other, and she is willing to forgive and move on. (Something that a lot of women wouldn’t do). So I am grateful to her and we are repairing our relationship together. There are just some things, some feelings, some doubts, some problems about which we can not talk.
Yes, I have issues with the BP and the SP. I need to get over them. Right now I am still feeling hostility and a little anger. I look forward and long for the time when this is behind me and I can say it was the best thing for me. I am thinking positively about a “fresh start” but still I am feeling so alone and abandoned when I am struggling with my support of the Church.
I think I would like to feel free to tell my wife how I am feeling, without her going straight to the “Satan is in control of your heart” line. She is very “digital” in her thinking. Everything is either good from God, or evil from Satan. She has trouble dealing with shades of gray. Solution for all problems to her is fasting and prayer. I want to be able to say maybe, just maybe, things aren’t so black or white. And feel that she is really listening. As far as what I thought would happen or what I think should have happened…. I believe that my BP and SP decided that I would be excommunicated, between themselves, weeks before my court. I believe the Disciplinary Council was just a formality that the SP went through so he could justify his decision. Forcing me to recount my sexual transgressions back to age 16 was awkward for the High Council and degrading to me, but supported his conclusion that I was a “career offender” and should be cast out.
My testimony of the Church is struggling. Fortunately, I am able to separate the Church from the Savior, and I am feeling close and loved by my Savior. I am just struggling with the Church right now.
