[zinnia]

You must be a really nice person. If it were me, I’d have stopped taking this guy’s calls months ago.

I used to have a really hard time saying no to people, and I’ve invested a lot of effort over the years figuring out how to set and maintain boundaries. It’s made me a happier person, but it’s still not easy. It sounds like you’re doing all the right things. The only thing I would add is that expecting the other person to change may not be reasonable. If he does start making more reasonable requests, expressing gratitude, giving you advance warning–then, great. But he might not. In that case, just keep doing what you’re doing–say no when you can’t help out and resist the temptation to feel guilty, offer whatever help you feel comfortable giving when you feel you can. Repeat. I have people in my life that I have to keep enforcing boundaries with, and part of me kind of resents it–shouldn’t they have figured it out already!?–but I try to do what I need to do and just let the angst about it go.

Now let’s see if I can take my own advice.

Good luck!

[zinnia]

Thank you, everyone who shared. I enjoyed reading them.

[zinnia]

MissEyre wrote:

I’ve been reading books at church for months! Three hours really does go by quicker. I’m just working on tuning things out. Sometimes I can, other times I can’t. Maybe I should consider earplugs…too obvious?

Well, if you do try the earplugs, let us know how it goes. 😆

I bring a journal sometimes and write. Sometimes that makes it easier to tune out, than when I’m reading. Of course, sometimes the temptation is to start journaling about why I disagree with what the speaker/teacher is saying. Possibly not so healthy!

[zinnia]

hawkgrrrl wrote:

he directed his anger toward those who were getting plenty of accolades from the organization, and he hung out with the fringe people.

Hawkgrrrl, I really appreciate this thought! It’s been hard to realize over the last few years that I’m moving further to the fringes… to be perfectly honest, I liked the community recognition and acceptance that came from being more enmeshed in the mainstream of the organization. I feel like I have more integrity where I am now–not that TBMs or other more mainstream Mormons do not have integrity–I don’t want to suggest that at all–but I don’t think I did, because I suppressed things that were true for me in an effort to conform ideologically. Anyway, it’s good to be reminded that Jesus hung out with people on the fringes–that means I don’t need to be ashamed to be there.

[zinnia]

richdunn wrote:

keep an eye out for women wearing pants, etc

Richdunn, In my ward I am the one wearing pants. Hopefully that’ll make it easier for people to find me!

Actually, a couple of months ago, I was asked to speak in church on the quote from President Hinckley that says, essentially, we believe that all churches have truth, bring the truth you have and let us (i.e., Mormonism) add to it. I believe the bishop intended for me to speak about missionary work. Instead I focused on the first part of the talk–on the truths found in all religions and what we can learn from those of other faiths. A couple of people came up to me after the meeting to tell me that they enjoyed the talk, and through further discussions was able to discover that there are some others in my ward that also live with questions, doubts, and have disagreements with the way things go in the church. It’s been nice to find a few local people that can relate.

[zinnia]

Thank you, everyone, for the fantastic welcome and for the reassuring words. I’m excited to be part of this community with you, and I appreciate knowing so many others are along for the same wild ride. I’ve always suspected that there were plenty of people in the church who had doubts or didn’t believe everything, but still felt the church was valuable. But it can feel lonely because we don’t usually hear from the pulpit or elsewhere that this is okay or normal. I’m glad to have this forum where we can discuss these issues without fear of judgment.

I’ve decided that I need to ask for a release from my calling (RS chorister) for the moment. I e-mailed the bishop’s appointment secretary to ask for the bishop’s e-mail address, and the secretary responded that the bishop wanted to meet with me in person. I’m dreading that meeting. Our bishop is newly called. He’s a totally nice guy, but I’m just not sure how much I really feel comfortable telling him. I need a break from church, but that’s not something that’s really acceptable to say in church culture. I’ve asked for releases from callings before when they weren’t working out for whatever reason, or when I needed a break from a weighty responsibility, but that’s different than wanting a break from attending church entirely. I’m afraid that whatever I tell him is going to be discussed in ward council–is that an unreasonable fear? The relief society president already e-mailed me because I left RS early on Sunday and she wanted to know if anything was wrong, etc. And my visiting teacher (also in the RS presidency) has recently dropped by unannounced to “check up” on me. I do appreciate that the concern comes from a good place, but it feels a little intrusive. And I’m afraid as my break-taking starts, it’s going to get worse.

Any thoughts/advice?

[zinnia]

Heber13 wrote:

It is ok to allow yourself to doubt.

Rene Descartes wrote:

Quote:

“If you would be a real seeker after truth, it is necessary that at least once in your life you doubt, as far as possible, all things”

Thanks so much for the reassurance, and for that quote, Heber13. It’s a good one! I do feel like that. I feel like now that I’ve allowed myself to start asking questions, I want to reevaluate EVERYTHING I’ve believed. In a sense, I think that’s a good thing… because the things I decide I still accept will feel stronger and more foundational, I think. But it’s also exhausting, and I remind myself that there’s no rush to have everything figured out.

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